to let DS teenage friends visit despite DH objecting to the loo?

Your husband's issues shouldn't become your children's issues. It's healthy to have a social life and it's healthy for them to be outside.

Your children's needs are more important than those of your husband's. He needs to get help from a professional.

This is mad! It's your sons home so his friends should we welcome until/unless they do something that means they're not welcome. Using the toilet is very normal. Do you never have friends or visitors? Do you never use the toilet outside your home? The mind boggles....

I think it is really unusual to object to your children's friends using your loo. He obviously has some anxiety that he should deal with rather than constrain your child.

There’s no such thing as ‘a bit of OCD’. It’s a genuine medical diagnosis and I wish people wouldn’t bandy the term around to refer to anyone who is a bit of a clean fiend.
He’s being massively unreasonable. Please don’t let him prevent your son having friends round.

I think your DH needs help, he is being very unreasonable but it sounds as though he can’t help himself.

as a parent to 20 year old and 17 year old boys, I’d say that allowing the boys friends to be in the house, having fun and getting to know you (and vice versa) is essential for teenagers wellbeing. I’d much rather my boys feel they can bring their friends here than feel they have to hang out in the park….. where I can’t see who they are with or what they are doing. Your DH is BVU but I suspect he needs professional help.

He is being ridiculous however he has a small bit of my sympathy towards the situation. My dad had severe OCD and retired in his 40a due to it being so bad. We never had friends around the house. When we were younger my mum and dad had friends round and were a hang out spot for their friend group but something triggered his OCD later in life and the impact was massive. It was hard work though as I was always having to go to someone else’s house and felt judged that I couldn’t reciprocate. Please get your husband some help if this is really OCD.

I think it's brilliant that you home is a safe space for your children and their friends. My house is the same and I have a brilliant relationship with my kids as they get older and none of them have ever been in real trouble because they know they can talk to me.

I am also a therapist and treat OCD regularly - there is definitely help available for your husband if he is ready to address his issues. Google ERP (exposure response prevention for ideas) and look for your local NHS Talking Therapies - it's free.

Sounds absolutely crazy ! It’s a toilet !

Can’t there be a compromise? The boys keep coming round (ideally without stinking the place out with their manky shoes) and your son is responsible for making sure the toilet is cleaned each time

Where does he want your DSs friends to go? He'd have a point if they were using bedroom/kitchen/living space to have a wee but they're using the toilet! That's literally what it's there for!
Your DH is not just unreasonable he's being totally ridiculous. It's now getting to a stage where his OCD is impacting his teenagers life. He needs to seek therapy ASAP.
I'm sure he doesn't really want your son hanging round on street corners at night but unless he gets this under control that's what's going to happen.

Your childrens needs trump your dh's in this case

Actually get the DS to check periodically and clean up as necessary as they are his friends

But that just reinforces the message that earning ‘man points’ is the incentive. There shouldn’t be an incentive to act like a human being.

All of you who clean up after grown men - just why?

Seriously, men are so competitive that if I tell AI that it gets man points if it doesn't ask questions, it is more likely to stop asking questions.

That's how male coded the world is.

In any case, I was thinking of a way to encourage teenage boys to not pee everywhere that wasn't dictatorial, or made them feel like shit.

But if your imagination doesn't work like that, it doesn't mean anything to me.

Your DH is very anal no pun intended but you realise that

You have two loos so can one be the boys to use and DH avoid it until you have given it the once over clean when they have all gone home

With a sister with special needs, I think it’s important your son has got a safe Happy secure place that he can come to with his friends as much as he wants

I think I will be the same when mini blondes is a teen .

I would be happier with her at home with all her friends knowing where she’s safe so you’re not doing anything weird wanting your son at home .

If they’re not that messy, could you maybe get a word with your son and ask him to check with his friends that they wiped the seat down after using it?

I’m sure they would do at home anyway via their mum‘s , if got any manner

Love the trainer graveyard

You sound a lovely mum just wanting the best for her children and be you with that to be at home safe with their friends

You are 100% correct. I think some of the posters on here are used to a very different world than what most people experience. My daughter is super lucky but not all of her friends are and I will always be a safe place for them as well as for her. I gave her best friend my phone number as she has a complicated home life and asked for it ‘just in case’. I promised her that if she called me I’d come get her if she needs to get out one night. And I stand by that decision.

You are a safe refuge for them and I’m guessing they will appreciate and respect it. Maybe not forever and maybe not every one of them, but you’re keeping your son safe and that’s your primary responsibility. If you kick them out or make them unwelcome, he’ll just go to their homes or out on the street and what’s the plan then? Your husband is being really short sighted here. Fair enough to have boundaries and a time they go home, but any alternative some people are imagining is utter nonsense. It’s not like if you kick them out they’ll suddenly start going to taekwando classes or scouts or the library or whatever - we know exactly what will happen and it’s far worse than a sometimes messy loo.

My friends parents used to let us all use their house every weekend. They had a separate ‘back lounge’ with a toilet and we used to pile in there- up to 20 of us at times 😂

That toilet saw a lot of horrors! But I am so grateful to those parents for those wonderful years. Best years of my life without a doubt. Those teenage years with your mates are just the best.

My brother used to have 1 to 4 boys pop by per day. He was a drug dealer

Yes I can see with teenagers it's less common.
But if they are often with you and it's a parenting thing with the other families- it might be a good investment establishing channells- just in case. There might be occasions where you might needs to do boundaries or say no. We all know the kinds of bother teens get into and it sounds like you are someone who cares enough to take that bit more responsibility. You would be seen as responsible for them when with you, especially if parents don't know where they are. . There are some kind of snobbish attitudes but actually any teenager is vulnerable. Glad u have the one number.