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Original poster

to let DS teenage friends visit despite DH objecting to the loo?

319 replies

powerforce · 18/05/2026 19:39

DH and I at odds here. We’ve hit the teenage years and my approach is I’d rather our DS’s friends came over so we can get to know the new ones/ so they aren’t hanging around street corners aimlessly. Not a lovely area so this isn’t hyperbole.
DH is much less happy about this so trying to find a middle ground. His main issue is not the kids who have, so far, been respectful here. It’s the toilet situation - he has a bit of OCD around cleanliness and he is repulsed by them using our loo. I find it a bit icky but just do a wipe down each night (as I would do anyway) so don’t leave him to do it, but interested to hear other views on if I’m being unusually lax or if in fact it’s unreasonable of him to have a real issue with teenage boys using our loo🤔

OP posts:
DaffodilLill · 20/05/2026 22:35

powerforce · 20/05/2026 22:31

I mean no one WANTS to do this 🤔well if they do that’s a whole different ball game! But a wee wipe round at the end of the day with my antic-bac wipes and domestos and voila, all is well. I do it anyway due to my DD immune deficiency. Toilets are …toilets. And it’s not common there’s a mess, just sometimes a teenage boy in a hurry and not double checking. It’s not a big deal to me.

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Speak to your child and ask then to tell their friends to wipe the loo seat or whatever they splash.

They need educating, as most men do this throughout their lives!
Someone needs to tell them.

Your son presumably is the best one to do this.

'Mum says you're welcome to use the loo- no problems- but just wipe up any drips please.'

Original poster
powerforce · 20/05/2026 22:31

PixieTales · 20/05/2026 22:26

I don’t think you need to have OCD to not want to clean up other peoples piss or shit stains from your own toilet…..especially if it’s not from your own family member 🤢

I mean no one WANTS to do this 🤔well if they do that’s a whole different ball game! But a wee wipe round at the end of the day with my antic-bac wipes and domestos and voila, all is well. I do it anyway due to my DD immune deficiency. Toilets are …toilets. And it’s not common there’s a mess, just sometimes a teenage boy in a hurry and not double checking. It’s not a big deal to me.

OP posts:
PixieTales · 20/05/2026 22:26

I don’t think you need to have OCD to not want to clean up other peoples piss or shit stains from your own toilet…..especially if it’s not from your own family member 🤢

Original poster
powerforce · 20/05/2026 22:23

Alwayswonderedwhy · 20/05/2026 22:14

Your poor kids. Your husband doesn't want their mates to use the loo and you think it's a bit icky?
You both have issues that need addressing before you cause problems for your children, if you haven't already.

ummm what issue do I have? That sometimes teenage boys leaving smelly shoes and sprinkly wees are (affectionately) icky?! If that’s my only issue, I’ll take it!

OP posts:
Original poster
powerforce · 20/05/2026 22:17

Somememorable · 20/05/2026 21:59

Why can’t he go to their houses?” and he does often do this but I don’t love
it as in some of these houses I know they are completely unsupervised and there are drugs around so I’d always rather they were here.

so I can’t understand why one wouldn’t be worried about the possibility of drugs l

i will be clearer: there are rumours of substance abuse histories in some of the boys extended families. I don’t know who is doing what, or what is or isn’t true, because while they were at primary school kids would need their parent /guardians to arrange play dates. High school kids arrange their social life without mum / dad/ nan/ older sibling etc. So to be safe, I’d prefer
my DS to not go to their houses 🤷‍♀️it doesn’t mean I’m worried he or
his friends are taking drugs/ being groomed for gangs as some posters seem worried about.

OP posts:
RandomCactus · 20/05/2026 22:16

powerforce · 20/05/2026 22:11

Fully disagree….
their parents/ guardians love them, it’s just a different way of parenting to you. They are nice boys, respectful, and I think the “shittiest spoon” would be chronic ill health or bereavement, not living in a less than affluent area. You sound incredibly judgemental.

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Agree! Many of us grew up in working class communities, often “unsupervised” in our teenage years and somehow didn’t become drug dealers 🙄 They sound like nice boys.

Edit: typo!

Alwayswonderedwhy · 20/05/2026 22:14

Your poor kids. Your husband doesn't want their mates to use the loo and you think it's a bit icky?
You both have issues that need addressing before you cause problems for your children, if you haven't already.

Original poster
powerforce · 20/05/2026 22:11

Somememorable · 20/05/2026 21:53

12 year old boys with absolutely no curfew indicates parents that truly don’t give a flying fig about them.

These poor kids have been handed the shittiest spoon in life and sadly that does often lead to a very sad life

and clearly I was not talking about your son

Edited

Fully disagree….
their parents/ guardians love them, it’s just a different way of parenting to you. They are nice boys, respectful, and I think the “shittiest spoon” would be chronic ill health or bereavement, not living in a less than affluent area. You sound incredibly judgemental.

OP posts:
Somememorable · 20/05/2026 22:00

QuietComet · 20/05/2026 21:59

I guess that's the danger of written comments, they are construed by different readers in different ways.

For example, suggesting I read your post slowly comes across as quite patronising, which hasn't improved my impression of you, although perhaps you didn't mean to come across as patronising...

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The op literally says that in some of the boys homes they are left completely unsupervised and there’s drugs!!

Somememorable · 20/05/2026 21:59

Why can’t he go to their houses?” and he does often do this but I don’t love
it as in some of these houses I know they are completely unsupervised and there are drugs around so I’d always rather they were here.

so I can’t understand why one wouldn’t be worried about the possibility of drugs l

QuietComet · 20/05/2026 21:59

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

I guess that's the danger of written comments, they are construed by different readers in different ways.

For example, suggesting I read your post slowly comes across as quite patronising, which hasn't improved my impression of you, although perhaps you didn't mean to come across as patronising...

Somememorable · 20/05/2026 21:54

Is your husband still blanking you?

Somememorable · 20/05/2026 21:53

12 year old boys with absolutely no curfew indicates parents that truly don’t give a flying fig about them.

These poor kids have been handed the shittiest spoon in life and sadly that does often lead to a very sad life

and clearly I was not talking about your son

Somememorable · 20/05/2026 21:52

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

QuietComet · 20/05/2026 21:26

Somememorable · 20/05/2026 20:12

These 12 year old boys have no curfews and are allowed out until whatever time they fancy.

The live in a very deprived area

They attend a very hands off school

Let’s be honest - these poor kids are almost being set up to be picked up by drug dealers.

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Thank goodness not everyone is as stigmatising as you are.

To write these kids off based on that is a crime in itself.

Original poster
powerforce · 20/05/2026 21:18

Somememorable · 20/05/2026 20:12

These 12 year old boys have no curfews and are allowed out until whatever time they fancy.

The live in a very deprived area

They attend a very hands off school

Let’s be honest - these poor kids are almost being set up to be picked up by drug dealers.

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My son and his friends are waiting to be picked by drug dealers?!
i can’t work out if you’re being beningly ignorant or deliberately inflammorty. School are actually very hands on, I don’t believe said otherwise? Homework is optional at this stage, if there’s what you mean? Not exactly a lifelong death sentence. I grew up on this estate, had no curfew because we all just went between each others houses as our parents often worked night shifts as job opportunities were limited, and I didn’t get groomed into a drugs gang🙄 I grew up with a respect for others and got a degree through college then university as no fees here. I work full time, as does DH. Please don’t belittle our lives just because we don’t live in an affluent area; that’s hurtful.

OP posts:
QuietComet · 20/05/2026 21:14

Somememorable · 20/05/2026 18:06

I’d be looking in to arranging something for my son 2 nights a week after school.

Perhaps a run with his you or his dad?
a local sports club?
a swim?
an online tutor session?

Something, anything.

OP sounds like they're doing a great job. They have a daughter with additional needs and their home is somewhere that teenage boys are happy to hang out in, that's no mean feat.
OP doesn't mention activities, that doesn't mean that her children aren't involved in activities, it's just not relevant to the post.
OP also mentions living in a relatively deprived area and not having the funds for a tutor. Not everyone has the money for activities, no matter how well-priced.

The other commenter's comment about the "have" and "have nots" is spot on.

Original poster
powerforce · 20/05/2026 21:13

Somememorable · 20/05/2026 18:06

I’d be looking in to arranging something for my son 2 nights a week after school.

Perhaps a run with his you or his dad?
a local sports club?
a swim?
an online tutor session?

Something, anything.

a run is lovely idea but not possible as we work shifts and care for DD. There are no local sports centres or pools, nearest one is a 1.5 bus ride away so we go once a
month as a family trip. I can’t afford private online tutoring but I do my best to educate my children however i can at home. My DS isn’t bored or up to not good, he’s just happy hanging out with friends.

OP posts:
Somememorable · 20/05/2026 20:12

Mumtryingtolivethedream · 20/05/2026 19:48

This post really separates the haves and the have nots.
I think youre doing a great job your son feels comfortable enough to bring friends home and you get to see who hes hanging around with. trust and respect go a long way with teens.
The snooty people looking down their noses about children from disadvantaged families suggesting drugs and clutch pearling at no homework need to realise that drugs are prevalent in all walks of life and its usually the rich kids doing coke on a night out theyre the kids that have never had any freedom and then go wild when they do

These 12 year old boys have no curfews and are allowed out until whatever time they fancy.

The live in a very deprived area

They attend a very hands off school

Let’s be honest - these poor kids are almost being set up to be picked up by drug dealers.

bittertwisted · 20/05/2026 20:07

Mumtryingtolivethedream · 20/05/2026 19:48

This post really separates the haves and the have nots.
I think youre doing a great job your son feels comfortable enough to bring friends home and you get to see who hes hanging around with. trust and respect go a long way with teens.
The snooty people looking down their noses about children from disadvantaged families suggesting drugs and clutch pearling at no homework need to realise that drugs are prevalent in all walks of life and its usually the rich kids doing coke on a night out theyre the kids that have never had any freedom and then go wild when they do

And the naivety
the 2 boys I know who had to leave uni with serious ket addictions both went to 40000 a year public school

Mumtryingtolivethedream · 20/05/2026 19:48

This post really separates the haves and the have nots.
I think youre doing a great job your son feels comfortable enough to bring friends home and you get to see who hes hanging around with. trust and respect go a long way with teens.
The snooty people looking down their noses about children from disadvantaged families suggesting drugs and clutch pearling at no homework need to realise that drugs are prevalent in all walks of life and its usually the rich kids doing coke on a night out theyre the kids that have never had any freedom and then go wild when they do

Somememorable · 20/05/2026 18:06

I’d be looking in to arranging something for my son 2 nights a week after school.

Perhaps a run with his you or his dad?
a local sports club?
a swim?
an online tutor session?

Something, anything.

Jk987 · 20/05/2026 13:45

Sounds like you’re doing all the clean ups not your DH? So he can butt out (excuse the pun)

TuppenceM · 20/05/2026 13:41

As for what your thread is actually about… I would just say to boy that always happy for them to come over but please could they leave the toilet as they found it, and you’ll leave out some wipes for them. Job done.

TuppenceM · 20/05/2026 13:40

powerforce · 20/05/2026 13:39

In an ideal world I would but there are no private tutors in the area and I can’t afford one.

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Could you look at an online offering? Much cheaper. Just so your son gets some homework at least and a bit more than the school is giving