to let DS teenage friends visit despite DH objecting to the loo?

Oh dear.

What does this mean?

I understand how he feels. I also understand that this is 100% his responsibility to address at his end - not by pushing the issue onto others.

I think your husband needs to see a GP.
does he realise what other things might go on in your sons life if you don’t welcome his friends at home?? You are right that hanging around on street corners is one hell of a risk. Which makes me think your DH needs help because when the toss is teenagers in the loo vs. drugs or knife crime.. I mean the rationale is so lacking 🫠

Indeed. Your kids go round to their mates houses? So common. Mine have societies to attend.

We have lived and live in a deprived area too, so no extracurriculars here. So we took them to a good area to the French Institute (Alliance) (£5.00 a lesson it was then). Mainly to instil discipline outside of school.

Peak MN 🏅

It sounds like you are building good relationships with your sons friends who sound well mannered and perfectly reasonable. I think when someone's preference for cleanliness gets in the way of having a normal family life then it needs addressing. I could only understand it if they were being rude or disrespectful or if he was trying to work and they were being too loud

It's a bit ironic that he's the one with OCD and is "very ordered with cleanliness" but it sounds like you are the one who does all the cleaning!

He is BU about the toilet issue (and a few other things!), but I can understand why he doesn't always want random kids around the house. Could you compromise in that they only use one toilet and he can use the other and not worry about who's been in there, and limit them coming over to set days so he can mentally prepare for them being there/relax knowing they won't be?

Your husband is being completely ridiculous. My DS is only 10 and in year 5 but I will be taking the same view as you when he moves to senior school.

Your DH needs to take responsibility for his problems and be proactive about getting some help. It could be contamination OCD, I’m no expert, but he can’t just accept it and expect the rest of you to bend around him. Your son lives there too and he needs a normal social life.

I have 3 sons and have learnt people are extraordinarily obsessed and bothered by a bit of a sprinkle
have come to accept that I am abnormally desensitised to it, and used to hovering if I went for a night wee when they were little

My DH's dad had OCD. He missed out on so much because of it. And FIL's desire to control his home in order to feel safe has only gotten worse over the years. Honestly, as adults it's a nightmare to visit him or arrange to meet up. This affects his and MIL's relationship with both their son and their grandchildren.

Don't let him ban your son from normal teenage things to make himself more comfortable. It's not fair on your child and could make his desire for control stronger in the long run.

Surely that's what the toilet is for! That's what we're using ours for. I would be happy that he's got friends, and friends that are happy to hang out in your house. I enjoyed being around my daughters friends, they'd say hello etc

I think a bit of perspective is needed here. Are they drinking? Smoking weed in the garden? Stealing from you? Damaging your belongings?

They are using your toilet. Does he have issues with other guests using the toilet or just teenagers? Perhaps he could shuttle them to the nearest public wc while they are visiting?

Your husband needs to get some help! He's being ridiculous 🙄 we have 5 sons, our house was always full of teenage boys eating us out of house and home and leaving a big pile of huge trainers in the hallway 😂 not once did any of them leave a grim mess in the toilet that I can remember! Most people avoid number twos in someone else's house if they can, don't they? We had many sleepovers over the years and I don't ever remember the toilets being bad.

Teenage guests? Where do they find the time for visits? Don't they have to revise and prepare for exams? Do they not have clubs and societies to attend? Homework? Teenage guests? I allowed mine Sat and Sun 4 hours each, in town, before dark, had a curfew, strictly enforced.
But if ds prefers guests at home rather than going out for a few hours, then your husband is being massively unreasonable. I doubt he himself poos butterflies.

Oh stop Dad ffs. Poor boy can't ask his mates over cos he's Dad doesn't want them using the toilet.

Dad really needs some help here.

Never heard anything like it.

X

I couldn't cope with one loo in the house, is it a possibility ? Good for if one of you four need the loo at same time too and DH would have a loo that only you and DC and he uses.

If OCD is interfering with normal household life he might like to try some hypnotherapy

Just tell the boys to clean up properly after themselves.

Yes exactly this! I loved having DS’s mates round, it felt lovely that they saw our house as somewhere they were comfortable

Now all early 20’s and I miss those days!

Why isn’t he cleaning every night if it’s so important to him?

The more you say about him the more he sounds like a controlling dickhead - why does he get to dictate everything?

What help/ treatment has he sought for his issues, or are the rest of you supposed to just put up with it?

This is not normal - it’s your home too, and your childrens home, they have a right to relax there and use the fucking toilet!