To wish my dh understood why I would like him to make an effort more with his clothes? Or explain it to me ?

Why should he wear what the OP chooses if it’s not his thing? He’s an adult and doesn’t need his mummy buying his clothes for him.

modest me) do have an edge on his fashion sense but he is now backing me up rather than looking like a completely odd couple.

thats what i feel like - i feel i make an effort to and he likes it , but he does .
for eg when we fo out he just wears jeans n t and i feel a bit odd couple wearing a dress etc

IMO this is a sensible perspective.
Judging from these posts many MNetters think differently, think of it as a form of control, possibly bordering on abuse.
It would be interesting to consider why that is.
For example, do MN posts represent a particular minority? Or is there another explanation?

Some people take these threads VERY personally.

Does it touch a nerve of some kind? 😂

It has clearly touched a nerve with you, for you to be accusing others 😬

As humans we do judge others by their appearances, it is part of a survival instinct. I don't think that appreciating someone's appearance means you dismiss their intelligence, sense of humour, values - it's all part of who they are. I just think it's an interesting trait that we dismiss style and fashion as shallow, whereas other cultures can see it as life-enhancing.

Some people take these threads VERY personally.

Does it touch a nerve of some kind? 😂

Very reasonable to prefer someone who is still active, still take care of themselves and is the 60yo sporty/fashionable/ passionate about hobbies version of what their 20yo version used to be

What has "being active" got to do with anything?
You can still be active and not want to be preached at about your clothes and what you should/shouldn't be wearing. 😕

So many people, in so many areas of life, just naturally assume that their preference is obviously the 'right' one and thus that anybody who doesn't share it must be 'wrong' and helped to change.

It's like some folk never grow out of the little kid stage, where they just can't fathom why other people don't have a favourite dinosaur and want to keep talking about them 24/7.

Even if it's something that a person maybe used to like, we're all allowed to change our peripheral interests as we progress through life. Even as an adult, I used to be passionate about minor things that I really couldn't care less about now - and maybe even now hate.

What's the betting that, if OP's DH did enthusiastically pursue all the latest trends and never changed as he grew, she'd be back on here in years to come with a thread complaining about her 60yo husband who embarrasses her by dressing and acting like he's still 22?

@Boomboomi: I also would find him more attractive if he dressed a teeny bit differently- and i am sure he would , underneath like that too .!

Wow. You would find him more attractive if he dressed more like he used to when you met, and you are sure that, underneath, he would like that?

If a man wrote that about his wife......... 😱😱😱

like my mates dh - likes a nice outfit - he loves it when he gets compliments- dont we all at times?

No we don’t all enjoy compliments about our appearance, in fact I hate them; I dress for myself and don’t look for external validation when it comes to how I look as I’m happy and secure with myself now I’m nearing 40. I spent my teens, 20’s and early 30’s conforming to societal expectations and wearing whatever was fashionable at the time and what “others” thought made me look good; it’s actually quite liberating now to not give two shits and just wear what I want because I like it (and I dress far from “boring” as I also enjoy colour, shapes and fabrics).

You've mentioned several times about people looking good for others and honestly, I think it’s very unhealthy if external validation is the driving force behind someone’s style. Everyone should be dressing to please themselves and if they get compliments then that’s a bonus but it shouldn’t be a factor in my opinion.

I actually prefer people who have lovely personalities rather than those who only dress part.

Now if someone was dirty or wearing something inappropriate (holes or tatty clothing, trackies to a wedding) then that would be a different story but that’s not the case for your DH so you should leave him alone.

I’m sure it’s not your intention OP but please be careful speaking about this in real like as this post is coming across as controlling to me and also self centred as you’re taking something that should be about your DH and making it all about you with no regards to his feelings or comfort because no, it’s not the same as buying someone flowers.

There are also parts of your posts that are very creepy to be honest. Can you imagine if a man came on here complaining that his wife doesn’t dress as nicely like his mates wife who dresses to look good for others and therefore gets lots of compliments? Or that his wife doesn’t smell as good as his DIL who always smell lovely with perfume and likes to look good?

think that you might possibly be taking something that is primarily about him, and making it about you, and getting unnecessarily

good point! I guess I try to look nice for me and him - and struggle to understand why the same does not apply the other way round.

but he is brilliant in many other ways . i just hate looking at clothes some other men wear ( or women) in a genuinely appreciative way - the thought etc . I guess fabric is my thing!
i will try to accept that its not important to him .

I agree that coercion or damaging clothes is absolutely not on.

I do think that the op feels her husband could make more of an effort, like he used to. It's about feeling appreciated. Like a pp said it's a bit "bait and switch".

Yep, my mum used to do this to my teenage clothing choices.

nothing outrageous, I just liked what she called “hippie” stuff, tie dye, band t’s, leather jacket.

bought out my Saturday job money btw.

is that a reasonable thing to do? I don’t think so. It’s controlling and no wonder I left as soon as I could.

As with so many things in life, there is a balance to be struck here.

The op’s dh has a right to dress how he wants most of the time.

But equally, as he is part of a marriage in which they sometimes presumably go out for the evening together, I don’t think that op would be unreasonable to want her dh to dress up occasionally, simply because he knows it is important to her, even if it is not important to him.

Aren’t little compromises like this part of a successful partnership? For example, I would be happy if I never ate steak or red meat again, but I know my dh loves it so I buy and cook it for him occasionally and we both enjoy it together. And then I do enjoy it because it makes me happy when my dh is happy.

Op you hint that your dh may be holding out on this precisely because he knows it is something you enjoy, and if that is the case, then this is not really about clothes is it but your wider relationship?

In order to find that out though, it might be simpler just to say to your dh, look we are going out on Friday evening next month for this special event, and I understand you are not bothered by clothes, but it would really give me great pleasure if you dressed up a bit because you look so handsome in that blue suit or whatever. Would that be ok with you?

If you want to you could also add a phrase such as for you, foreplay starts long before dinner.

(I don’t care if that seems horribly sexist btw. Women have been expected to make aˋ effort with their appearance for decades so this addresses the balance somewhat.)

Just tell him straight op, if you haven’t done so already, sometimes men need it spelling out. And then if he still refuses, or doesn’t at least give you a reasonable very considered explanation as to why not, that you can understand and accept, then at least you know you have a greater problem on your hands.

As with so many things in life, there is a balance to be struck here.

The op’s dh has a right to dress how he wants most of the time.

But equally, as he is part of a marriage in which they sometimes presumably go out for the evening together, I don’t think that op would be unreasonable to want her dh to dress up occasionally, simply because he knows it is important to her, even if it is not important to him.

Aren’t little compromises like this part of a successful partnership? For example, I would be happy if I never ate steak or red meat again, but I know my dh loves it so I buy and cook it for him occasionally and we both enjoy it together. And then I do enjoy it because it makes me happy when my dh is happy.

Op you hint that your dh may be holding out on this precisely because he knows it is something you enjoy, and if that is the case, then this is not really about clothes is it but your wider relationship?

In order to find that out though, it might be simpler just to say to your dh, look we are going out on Friday evening next month for this special event, and I understand you are not bothered by clothes, but it would really give me great pleasure if you dressed up a bit because you look so handsome in that blue suit or whatever. Would that be ok with you?

If you want to you could also add a phrase such as for you, foreplay starts long before dinner.

(I don’t care if that seems horribly sexist btw. Women have been expected to make aˋ effort with their appearance for decades so this addresses the balance somewhat.)

Just tell him straight op, if you haven’t done so already, sometimes men need it spelling out. And then if he still refuses, or doesn’t at least give you a reasonable very considered explanation as to why not, that you can understand and accept, then at least you know you have a greater problem on your hands.

I imagine like many men like this he wears the same stuff in short rotation.
Do a go slow on the laundry - I assume you do it - to break up the cycle, or maybe have a tragic accident involving bleach….