To just decide not to get married.

That’s a shame. My council is £124.50 inclusive of certificate for statutory and £160 up to 10 guests Monday morning so not much more. The fee for registrar at religious premises is £177, not sure if that’s an option at a local church who may just ask for a donation.

I think a lot of it comes down to how you present it to your family. Have the basic service with a trusted friend each so you have what you want. Then tell your family in a low key way that you decided to get the contractual bit done so you have legal security and when you're feeling better up to it, you'll plan a celebration for family and friends. This gives you time to work out what you want that to be and you're not tied to a wedding venue so it will be cheaper. The wider world doesn't need to know.

It is totally up to you, but you seem to have wanted marriage, and it doesn't have to be big. Just go to the registry office if that's what you want. Or if not, just tell everyone there's health issues you won't be discussing, and that you will let them know if and when anything happens in the future, but please don't mither about it now.

I would get married in a registery office with a meal afterwards and include both sets of parents and grandparents, but if that is too expensive or too much hassle, then have it just the two of you with random witnesses. I wouldn't be changing my name though.

That seems a big price jump from statutory to a small room. Can you check neighbouring council areas and hotels.
I think separate who you want to be there and who is less essential eg not inviting your mum is a much bigger deal than not inviting sister’s boyfriend. How many are you if you have you and do, child, parents and grandparents.

You’re mixing up a wedding and a marriage. I had the most beautiful lovely posh wedding. It was gorgeous and expensive (I didn’t personally spend a penny, family money and all). I never think about my wedding. It really didn’t matter that much. It’s the marriage that counts.

Have the small wedding. Do the 15 person one but just invite parents and siblings and best friends. Do it on a Tuesday morning and go for lunch after before you and new Dh head off for a little honeymoon break. I love my BIL (no siblings of mine own), but if he got married on a Tuesday morning and only invited Dh due to numbers, I’d be like, fab, enjoy your day! I wouldn’t have to organise a day off and someone to collect the kids at school. Great! I could send Dh off with a card and gift and be done with it. I think you are probably overestimating how much people actually want to attend weddings.

Firstly, you need to separate (1) marriage and (2) wedding. They are totally different things. If you want the legal status of marriage, this doesn't necessarily have to involve a big wedding ceremony

If you do actually want to invite your immediate family of 20 and cost is the only issue, could you ask them all to "bring a plate" in a church hall? That would be a very cheap option

But if you don't want to invite your family, then (1) own it, (2) have the confidence to do what you want and (3) accept that this will hurt some people's feelings

If it is JUST about the price then do ask parents and grandparents what they want to do. If each of your 20 people gave you £20 instead of a wedding present you’d be sorted. It’s also to e to ask people to pay for their own pub meal afterwards as long as you’re up front about it (and as long as you’re not spending £££££ on a dress and flowers or anything!)

We got married without any guests (we were abroad and didn’t need witnesses). It did cause some hurt feelings at the time, but we had neither the money nor the inclination for a big wedding. Eventually people got over it and we’ve been very happily married for over a decade now.

Civil partners is actually a very good idea. It’s functionally identical, but may take some of the emotion out of telling people. More of a “we did this legal thing” rather than all the baggage of “we got married and didn’t invite you”

What about getting two local Mumsnetters to be your witnesses? I’ve seen that done on here more than once before and it has worked out well.
If you wanted to, you could then tell everyone you’re getting married with two witnesses you’ve already chosen, and if they want to wait outside to throw confetti, take photos and go for a celebration drink in the pub afterwards they would be welcome to do so.
You don’t need to confirm numbers as it’s a casual pub visit. You don’t need to pay, everyone can buy their own drinks. Nobody has to feel they’ve been left out.

You don’t even need to tell everyone that you are married, so just do it.

If you want to be married, but don’t want a wedding then that’s what you should do. Marriage is an important legal contract and binding commitment to each other that you shouldn’t throw away because other people want a party. You don’t even have to tell anyone if you don’t want to.

Just invite close family.

I’m in the ‘just do it’ camp. I knew someone who invited the three living parents and two friends as witnesses and went to the pub afterwards. Easy.

A wedding is for you, not them. Id probably be more concerned about why I was such a massive people pleaser who is putting everyone else's feelings above my own when its my wedding

I have a friend who got NOTHING.
She quit work for 5 years to nurse her partner of 18yrs through a terminal illness.

The day of the funeral, his parents kicked her out of his house.
They wouldn’t even let her arrange to collect furniture she had bought.
She couldn’t even take items that he had gifted her. They said as far as they were concerned nothing in the house was hers apart from her clothes and personal items.

She had to pack a few bags and present as homeless for emergency housing.

As bad as the parents were, it was equally awful that her partner had made no provisions for her at all.

He was transgender and they blamed her for somehow ruining their daughter, even though he was trans before they met. They hadn't been in contact for sometime before it happened. Horrible people, imo.

Choose 2 strangers to be witnesses and go for it @narnia2025 .

If you Google the words eloping marriage Cornwall you'll find some lovely agencies that offer an eloping package, you get a one night or two nights stay in a lovely villa on the beach with ceremony, hosts can be your witnesses, photographer plus wedding. Can be just for you and your future husband or you can add a few more guests. I really don't understand why society has made weddings so stressful.

Me and my partner always say if we ever get married we will just go to Vegas and do it alone and incorporate it into a holiday. I have no interest on wasting 1000s on a wedding that will just cause stress.