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AIBU?

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Original poster

People reply less and less these days

111 replies

AliceAbsolum · 18/05/2026 11:48

Mostly to whatsapps because that's how I communicate with most people.

They either take weeks to respond, or just don't bother at all.

Maybe it's me! I just feel like people want to be less and less social. Definitely since covid, but I've noticed a further shift in the last 8-12 months.

Makes me sad really.

OP posts:
Original poster
AliceAbsolum · 18/05/2026 14:43

Chapbook · 18/05/2026 14:35

Well, that explains it. Sounds as if you should contemplate switching jobs to something office-based, and making more space in your life for some activity where you are going to see the other people involved weekly or twice weekly? You and your husband are just going to have to tag team and have separate social lives for a while, but your toddler will grow up. You’ll have more time for you.

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Thanks. Yes I know I should. Just so knackered since the child was born. I'll look into a local running club or something

OP posts:
Chapbook · 18/05/2026 14:35

AliceAbsolum · 18/05/2026 14:25

Maybe I'm harking after a different time. College or uni when I was surrounded by peers. Working in the office pre covid surrounded by colleagues who were also friends. Traveling with my husband pre kids.

Now I wfh, juggle a toddler, can barely have a conversation with my DH without the toddler interrupting, and see a friend once a month. Bit isolated I guess

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Well, that explains it. Sounds as if you should contemplate switching jobs to something office-based, and making more space in your life for some activity where you are going to see the other people involved weekly or twice weekly? You and your husband are just going to have to tag team and have separate social lives for a while, but your toddler will grow up. You’ll have more time for you.

FruitFlyPie · 18/05/2026 14:33

Seeing a friend once a month isn't too bad though, OP. You are doing OK.

FruitFlyPie · 18/05/2026 14:33

FeedTheFoxes · 18/05/2026 14:08

They are busy doing what they want, so they are too busy.

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Well that's more that they dont want to. Even if they had absolutely nothing to do, they wouldn't reply or meet up. Again, that's 100% fine. OP is having a discussion about why people feel this way, and whether/why this has changed over time.

Original poster
AliceAbsolum · 18/05/2026 14:25

Chapbook · 18/05/2026 14:10

You seem to be ‘sad’ a lot about completely ordinary things — sad that people are busy working, commuting, caring for children etc, sad that someone who said ‘We should do coffee’ might not mean it. Is there something else going on, OP? These are not exactly new phenomena.

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Maybe I'm harking after a different time. College or uni when I was surrounded by peers. Working in the office pre covid surrounded by colleagues who were also friends. Traveling with my husband pre kids.

Now I wfh, juggle a toddler, can barely have a conversation with my DH without the toddler interrupting, and see a friend once a month. Bit isolated I guess

OP posts:
ERthree · 18/05/2026 14:18

ButterYellowFlowers · 18/05/2026 12:21

It’s not you. Personally it’s because I’m sick of being constantly contacted by everyone and expected to reply. I reply when it’s convenient. I’m not a tap with constant flowing contact with the outside world. I leave my phone in another room for most of the day. I’ve stopped watching TV mostly too - now I garden and bake and knit and sew and read and it’s divine

I am a rebel and often leave the house without my phone, i really don't see why grown adults won't function without a bloody phone, they are like a baby with dummy.

Chapbook · 18/05/2026 14:10

AliceAbsolum · 18/05/2026 13:18

I don't know 😭 Because it's hard to not know where you stand? And sad to think all those people don't actually want to meet up

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You seem to be ‘sad’ a lot about completely ordinary things — sad that people are busy working, commuting, caring for children etc, sad that someone who said ‘We should do coffee’ might not mean it. Is there something else going on, OP? These are not exactly new phenomena.

FeedTheFoxes · 18/05/2026 14:08

FruitFlyPie · 18/05/2026 12:49

They are busy doing what they want, just not something you feel is worthy by the sounds of it.

Yes exactly, and that's totally fine, but you can't say someone like this isn't replying due to "cutting down on phone use" and being "too busy". They are doing other things that they prefer, and what they prefer is scrolling. Which is totally fine and their choice, but you can see why it's leaving OP a little disappointed.

They are busy doing what they want, so they are too busy.

ButterYellowFlowers · 18/05/2026 14:03

comeondover · 18/05/2026 13:45

Does everyone know about the archive function on whatsapp? It's great for groups you don't want to leave but don't want to hear from all the time either. You can go and look at it at your leisure, if you want, without knowing every time someone posts, which in big groups can get crazy. It's not the same as muting, it's a degree of sanity further.

When I do this I forget they exist and never see them again…

GinaandGin · 18/05/2026 13:51

Swiftie1878 · 18/05/2026 11:50

Surprise them! Give them a call and actually TALK to them.

Noooooo
I much prefer texting to being phoned

comeondover · 18/05/2026 13:45

Does everyone know about the archive function on whatsapp? It's great for groups you don't want to leave but don't want to hear from all the time either. You can go and look at it at your leisure, if you want, without knowing every time someone posts, which in big groups can get crazy. It's not the same as muting, it's a degree of sanity further.

tiramisugelato · 18/05/2026 13:35

AliceAbsolum · 18/05/2026 13:18

I don't know 😭 Because it's hard to not know where you stand? And sad to think all those people don't actually want to meet up

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If they wanted to, they would.

HummDrumm · 18/05/2026 13:34

Gardenpleasure · 18/05/2026 11:59

I'm very much a lone wolf. I kept in touch with one friend i've known 60 years - she now lives in a different part of the world.
We used to email regularly. Then she started using WhatsApp to communicate with her other friends. She wanted me to start using WhatsApp so we could do short messages frequently. The thought of that, and the pressure to keep messaging all the time just gives ne such a sense of claustrophobia and pressure that i won't download WhatsApp.

So now she finds emails too much like hard work and mentally I can't cope with WhatsApp so we rarely communicate at all and after so many years the friendship is dying off.

Aw please don’t let it die off altogether - friendship of 60 years?

If you download WhatsApp you don’t have to reply to her all the time. The WA messages between will find their own rhythm. I do know what you mean though. It’s difficult to send a chatty, newsy communication by WA. I often start in WA then have to copy & paste into an email because it’s too long.

It seems such a shame for you (both) to not be able to find d a compromise.

shhblackbag · 18/05/2026 13:28

Ablondiebutagoody · 18/05/2026 11:53

I find that people send way too many WhatsApp messages for my liking. I barely respond to 50%. Can't be arsed. Call me if it's important and you need a response.

Absolutely agree with this.

Morepositivemum · 18/05/2026 13:27

Yup totally find this too, or short answers!

Happyjoe · 18/05/2026 13:25

I don't use it much, friends mainly and no groups so I do reply to anyone who sends a message. It's politeness as well as if I have time to read it, I have time to reply.

Much prefer a message than knocking on my door or calling over the fence like my lovely but lonely neighbour keeps doing.

Galaxylights · 18/05/2026 13:21

AliceAbsolum · 18/05/2026 13:18

I don't know 😭 Because it's hard to not know where you stand? And sad to think all those people don't actually want to meet up

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I've found with people like this, look at what they do, not what they say.

PumpkinsAndCoconuts · 18/05/2026 13:21

Mary46 · 18/05/2026 11:55

Its voicenotes now nobody phones!

I ignore those unless it’s from somebody I truly care about. I absolutely hate them!

My friends and I (most of us late 20ies to late 30ies) do call each other btw! (We obviously also write, but important things? Or even a chat when we can’t make time to see each other and catch up? We definitely call.)

Original poster
AliceAbsolum · 18/05/2026 13:18

Sartre · 18/05/2026 13:05

That’s because they don’t want to meet you, they’re saving face. British people always do this, how are you not used to this part of the culture yet?!

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I don't know 😭 Because it's hard to not know where you stand? And sad to think all those people don't actually want to meet up

OP posts:
Galaxylights · 18/05/2026 13:15

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

Verv · 18/05/2026 13:12

Its just modern life.
I've got thousands of work related whatsapps on my phone that i havent gone through to check yet.
Friends get lost under the piles so sometimes you have to get back to them when you can and its easy to forget to let things slide.

Sartre · 18/05/2026 13:05

AliceAbsolum · 18/05/2026 12:57

Yes, I mean all good points. But I'm not bombarding people with messages all the time.

I just don't know why people say 'absolutely lets meet up, I'll send some dates' and then they never do. If you don't want too then don't, but you're the one who suggested it!

That’s because they don’t want to meet you, they’re saving face. British people always do this, how are you not used to this part of the culture yet?!

Sartre · 18/05/2026 13:04

I hate WhatsApp, I don’t really use it so I’m guilty of this on there too… I just prefer texts. I got added into group chats on WhatsApp without my consent but feel too awkward leaving so muted them but can see the “999+” notifications thing on it when I open it. Makes me stressed…

SJM1988 · 18/05/2026 13:03

I'm pretty bad at getting back to people but usually have an evening a week (usually Sunday) where I will clear up all my messages!
Its just because I'm busy and forget unless I can respond straight away to a message. I also don't live on my phone and have no signal at work so regularly have days were I'm not contactable.

hahabahbag · 18/05/2026 13:02

I phone people I want to communicate with, WhatsApp is just for basic information stuff for a group situation. So impersonal texting