I have been struggling to decide state or private for primary for my dd for some time now. One of the advantages of state I was very convinced about was the community feeling (rare in sw London!), parents looked more approachable, more diverse and normal. I have now had the opportunity to meet several parents from both schools I am considering and I am really disappointed. The other mums looking at state seem very concerned with asserting their social status (what prestigious job their parents had, what schools they went to, the loss of benefits above £100k etc) and ask a million questions, more or less subtly, to figure out ours. If/when they figure out that I may be doing better financially, their body language and attitude shifts, at best they shut down, at worse they seem offended. On the contrary, the parents from private engage in significantly more interesting conversations, are more vulnerable/ easy to connect to, hold thoughtful points of view and seem genuinely very respectful of everyone’s situations. Basically the opposite of what I was expecting. How is this even possible? And, more importantly, should I expect the children to have somehow absorbed similar views (and would need to ensure that my dd doesn’t figure out our situation?)