Private and state parents

You can't choose a school for your child on the basis of the social status of the parents.

It's the child who is going to the school, not you.

Choose a school based on class sizes, the feel you get when looking round, whether the other children seem happy, whether the staff answer your questions satisfactorily.

My kids have been in state locals for a total of 23 ISH years. Not once have I discussed mine or other parents finances. It's not compulsory, and if you don't want to discuss it, don't.

This is very very accurate. Where I live, about half of the parents in my daughter's (very good state primary) class were privately educated. Almost none of them can afford to send their own children to private school and so are ploughing their money into tutoring, moving house near to the best local states / grammar school, and extracurricular activities. It stings like hell to know that you can't give your children the education (and it's more than just academics) you always assumed they would have, but it's reassuring to know you're all in the same boat. Conversely, if you find out someone does have the means to go private, it is very very hard not to feel resentful. It's not an attractive quality, but it's human nature.

A couple I know moved their kid from state to private education expecting “a better quality of people” at the prestigious private school they moved their children to and were really very distressed to discover that high percentage of the parents were plumbers, electricians, joiners etc which really wasn’t at all what they were looking for, bless them

I think the biggest shift in intake to Independent prep schools in recent times is for a huge number of applicants to have or be suspected of having SEND issues.

We reserved a place for our DS at what had always been an excellent traditional prep school that has been around for centuries.

All was good until the last couple of years when it became clear that nearly all Reception year applicants were choosing the school because their children had additional needs which they felt could not be catered for in the state sector. The addition of VAT appears to have made this even worse. We know of another child who is in Reception there this year and their parents state that 13/18 children are SEND.

As a result of this we withdrew our application and moved into the catchment area of the best local state school which is fantastic.

We will consider options again at 11.

I’ve no idea if this is replicated elsewhere however it is extremely noticeable locally.

Why yes, they are all veritable saints <doffs cap>> 😁

Yep. Private school parents are better in every single way.

🤣

We could have done either state or private. We looked at both. Our decision was based on what’s best for my child. We chose state and I’m happy with my decision.

to have gone to private school yourself but not got yourself into a financial position to pass that on to the next generation much sting and feel like a failure.

what absolute BS. I went to private school, absolutely hated it, and felt it was a complete waste of money. My dc are at state school. They have a large cohort of friends that are at state school, private school and who are home educated. By extension I’ve got to know their friends parents, and they are all much of a muchness. They are all down to earth decent people, just trying to get on with life and scale each and every hurdle which crosses their path.
Not convinced this post was started in genuine good faith, as what ever schooling you chose for your kids, the parents will be varied, some will be lovely, some will be okay and some will be nobs, regardless of finances.

Agreed.

Some of the posts here are so sweeping.

Those who went to private schools themselves often know they categorically don't want to send their own dc to private schools, regardless of financial priorities.

And it is so ridiculous to state that parents who sent their dc to private prep 'value education' more than other parents.

OP, my experience was similar to yours. I can see it at our local cricket club, which is mostly children from the local state school - some of the parents gave us a wide berth after a series of questions trying to ascertain our background (my husband wasn't privately educated - doesn't sail, or play cricket himself).

We haven't had any conversations like that at our Prep - DH clearly has working class background but everyone is lovely, doesn't care where you go on holiday etc.

Yes absolutely, but I can’t imagine these parents would be trying to asses the financial status of other parents, or desperate to assert the fact that they are wealthy enough to afford private despite choosing the local state.

What an utterly ridiculous OP.

In almost 2 decades across multiple schools I have never had any of these conversations.

'Parents' in the title

This is all hilarious. Oh my.

Sounds like you are looking at schools with affluent intakes; so parents will be reflective of that intake. If you look at a more bog standard state school I can assure you that no parents are worrying about any of those things.

I'm also not sure you can make any judgement based on seeing someone at an open day(?) Also, the interests of parents can vary wildly from year to year.

OP wrote " The other mums looking at state seem very concerned with asserting their social status" so I was responding to that really

💯. There is a hell of a lot of projection going on here.

As in were they single mums? Some of them I guess
It was majority mums on the school run. A small minority of dads. One was bitchy.
Maybe it's 50:50 mums and dads on the school run these days. Not sure. It wasn't long ago it was majority mums

I have one child in private and others in state. Private parents have paid so they don’t have to worry about their child’s education as much. State parents are more worried about whether they are doing the right thing / giving their child’s the best etc.

And then there are those privately educated who don't agree with it and choose state for their own children

I think in many cases, in SW London, families are wealthy in many areas because it's such a crazy expensive part of London to live in. So unless you look for schools close to areas to estates etc with lots of council housing (and honestly, i have doubts about ho wmuch there is) you're going to get very affluent families in both. And as you have private as an option, it's obvious you're living in the more expensive areas too.

don't choose your child's school based on the parents. Choose it based on whatyou think will work for your child. the ethos of the school, the sense you get of the environment etc.