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AIBU?

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Original poster

Just had a friend hide from me!

233 replies

Nefrititi · 18/05/2026 09:10

I was just on the way back from the school run, I live on a main road so people can park all along it.
A good friend of mine parks there as she gets a lift into work from someone who lives up the road from me.
As I’m pulling up on my drive I see her getting out of her car but I’m already passed her to beep to acknowledge her (she defo sees me at this point)
So as I’m reversing on my drive I see her cross over the road (she normally walks my side and we’ll wave or a quick chat)
Then as I’m reversing she hides behind a large van opposite so that I can’t see her as I’m parked facing the road!
So I waited in my car to see if she would emerge the other side of the van but she didn’t. It was so obvious!
The thing is I’m the last person to hold someone up or chat for ages (massive introvert) and she’s the opposite and absolutely loves a chat.
We are actually going on holiday together next Monday with 2 other girls (me and one of the girls are paying for it as a treat as the other 2 are financially struggling).
I know I can be really sensitive but that just really hurt this morning. Also was my birthday in March and I didn’t even get a card from the 2 girls.

OP posts:
MrsBroccolini · 18/05/2026 11:06

Poppingby · 18/05/2026 09:15

You need to text her right now and ask her why she was hiding behind a van this morning. You can do it jokily but it needs to come out into the sunlight asap. It is probably something like she was in a rush or some other reason and if she is going on holiday with you next week it is really unlikely she hates you or whatever your mind is saying right now.

You've not said anything about simply asking her now. Don't wait until Saturday, don't wait for her to say it to you, just say "Hey, all OK? I beeped hello this morning but you jumped behind that van!" or make it more funny if you want, but why wouldn't you simply ask your friend?

Ultraalox · 18/05/2026 11:05

Maybe a big spot/ looked grim/ unbrushed hair/ something in her teeth/ has a sickness bug?
YABU

aquitodavia · 18/05/2026 11:04

Nefrititi · 18/05/2026 10:18

Yes it’s these 2 that didn’t get me a birthday card. Honestly don’t care much about that as they both sent a nice message on the day but I do know they were out for someone’s else’s birthday that weekend and for sure that person would have got a card etc.
They said oh well do something for yours another time and nothing ever got arranged.
My other friend is actually my cousin but we’re incredibly close and we both grew up with absolutely nothing so our mantra is if you can help someone out then you should and we’ve been so fortunate to be doing ok now and want to share that with friends

Show quote history

I honestly don't know anyone who sends birthday cards these days, isn't a nice message the norm? If you're actually going out for someone's birthday that's different (as opposed to sending/delivering one)

Personally I think you're overthinking this OP. It could have been absolutely anything and almost certainly not to do with you. And how do you know she hadn't just got a text or call which distracted her, it could even have been before you pulled up.

PotolKimchi · 18/05/2026 11:04

There is a lot of insane point scoring going on here.

  • so first of all you and your friend are actually family and you are close. And the other two girls are close.
  • you offered them a 'voucher' for their holiday. They didn't ask for it.
  • they wished you on your birthday.
  • she normally does wave/chat to you
So just this once she didn't. And she's dared to be closer to another friend. And didn't give you a card but simply wished you. And now she's the bad friend who needs to be cut off.

At this point she might well be relieved to be cut off. This kind of micro scrutiny of actions is truly the epitome of overthinking things.

Purplecatshopaholic · 18/05/2026 10:58

Watchoutfortheslowaraf · 18/05/2026 09:17

I’d also have to message!

‘Hi Jane, I saw you duck behind that massive van for a while this morning- hope you’re alright?!’

I’d do this.

BunnyLake · 18/05/2026 10:46

T1mesAreHardForDreamers · 18/05/2026 09:17

I have just rushed home from the school run cos I suddenly had really bad stomach cramps and realised I was about to poo myself.

Saw a school mum and had to rush quickly by with barely any eye contact, lest she stop me to chat or see the look of terror in my eye.

God that happened to me once, poor kids had to run to keep up with me 😂 Made it home in time but my god the sweat was pouring off my face 😂. If I’d been passing a friend I’d have had to push them out the way 🫣

BunnyLake · 18/05/2026 10:43

Could you text something like Hi I saw you this morning on my way back, but I don’t think you saw me, so here’s a wave hello 🙋‍♀️ See you soon, love ….

StephensLass1977 · 18/05/2026 10:39

My work is really busy and I have to carefully time dog walks etc. ( I WFH). The amount of retired friends / acquaintances I have who will always try and stop me for a (long) chat as they have all the time in the world, and I have ten minutes, is crazy. My neighbour is the same. She doesn't work, but I have a small and carefully timed window to walk in. She always catches me to chat when I leave the house for walks, and I just don't have the time!

It could have been something like this for your friend. Not my exact examples but whatever it is that's keeping her busy.

If she did hide, and if she is one of the friends you're funding, then yes I'd be furious.

Marmalademorning · 18/05/2026 10:38

Maybe she was upset about something completely unrelated to you and had been crying and didn’t want you to see her OP. Don’t over think it. Just try and act normal around her when you next see her.

PilatesAndLattes · 18/05/2026 10:36

I do this kind of thing when I am in a rush or, more likely if I am honest, having an “ugly day” and don’t want to be seen by anyone!

Hellohelga · 18/05/2026 10:35

Maybe she had no make up, or a bad hair day, or a massive spot?

Original poster
Nefrititi · 18/05/2026 10:34

TFImBackIn · 18/05/2026 10:32

So you and you cousin are paying for the other two women to go on holiday - Heidi and Another.

Heidi hid from you.

Neither Heidi nor Another sent you a birthday card, despite treating other friends better.

You know that Heidi and Another are not your good friends. Why are you and your cousin putting yourselves in that situation? You won't enjoy the holiday and will probably pay for a lot more than the holiday in terms of drinks etc.

I really hope I’m wrong but I’m starting to see it that way myself.
They were both amazing when my Mum passed away and I’ve held onto that but I honestly feel deep down that they both not as happy in my company as I am in theirs.
If they both decide not to go then I’ll go with my cousin regardless as it’s all paid for

OP posts:
Edictfromno10 · 18/05/2026 10:33

Maybe her husband just left her and she couldn't face talking to anyone and putting on a face?

MintyPig1989 · 18/05/2026 10:32

Peachsandcream · 18/05/2026 09:55

I would let it go, otherwise will overshadow enjoyment of your holiday

I think it would overshadow the holiday if she didn't say anything.

Original poster
Nefrititi · 18/05/2026 10:32

Also it’s been so helpful getting it written down.
I’ll be much better later on but it just gave me that horrible feeling in my stomach at the time. As I say I’m incredibly sensitive but I’m really working on myself.
Someone asked where the holiday is and it’s in Portugal

OP posts:
TFImBackIn · 18/05/2026 10:32

So you and you cousin are paying for the other two women to go on holiday - Heidi and Another.

Heidi hid from you.

Neither Heidi nor Another sent you a birthday card, despite treating other friends better.

You know that Heidi and Another are not your good friends. Why are you and your cousin putting yourselves in that situation? You won't enjoy the holiday and will probably pay for a lot more than the holiday in terms of drinks etc.

ShortAndIntense · 18/05/2026 10:31

Maybe she was just having a really shitty morning and didn’t feel like having to chat.

paradisecircus · 18/05/2026 10:31

Weird behaviour. Perhaps let it go if she's OK usually - she may have not felt she had time to chat and reacted (oddly) in the moment

Original poster
Nefrititi · 18/05/2026 10:29

Thank you all so much for your replies so far.

OP posts:
Original poster
Nefrititi · 18/05/2026 10:28

thebrollachan · 18/05/2026 10:25

I don't understand why she had to linger behind the van. Why didn't she carry on walking briskly towards her colleague's house/car/agreed pickup location?

100% this!!

OP posts:
Delphiniumandlupins · 18/05/2026 10:26

I was going to suggest that maybe she feels awkward because you are paying for her holiday but you have explained that she doesn't know it's coming directly out of your pocket. She sounds like someone who is sensitive but unaware of how her actions might affect others. I would (I hope) send a text saying I had seen her this morning and hope everything is OK.

thebrollachan · 18/05/2026 10:25

I don't understand why she had to linger behind the van. Why didn't she carry on walking briskly towards her colleague's house/car/agreed pickup location?

Slightyamusedandsilly · 18/05/2026 10:24

I think you need to drop the rope with her (and the other one) @Nefrititi. Not block her or no contact her. But wait for her to get in touch. Let her lead. Because she probably won't and that way, you won't be doing nice things for someone that either is using you and is ungrateful, or who just really doesn't value you or want them.

We all learn this stuff in different ways. I'm sorry you've had to see this now.

What will you do about the holiday?

MyWarmRobin · 18/05/2026 10:23

Royaly82 · 18/05/2026 10:16

I hate this for her! I have some times where I'm stressed or overwhelmed from a crazy morning and I cant talk to anyone.
You say she's normally chatty and that's all good and well but we all have off days.
I really wouldn't take it personally at this point and not make her feel embarrassed by bringing it up!
Of course there could be another reason like she's changed her mind about the holiday but that will come to light soon enough.
Life is hard enough...dont make it worse for her if she's already having a bad day by making an issue out of it

LOL

This thread is mad.

SpinSpinSugarPuff · 18/05/2026 10:21

Ordinarly I'd say she's having a shit morning and can't face a chat.

But, you're Paying for her to go on holiday.?!....i think she may be using you

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