Just had a friend hide from me!

Well that’s good then! Maybe she just had her own reasons for avoiding you. No biggie imo.

You sound really
nice
op! X

exactly - I hope they has seen it and realises how rude she was

But you've done nothing wrong @Nefrititi. You've been kind to a friend. And have been upset that she avoided you.

IF she's read the thread, she'll know that some of the consensus of others is that she's a bit of a user. And maybe will make an effort to appreciate you a little more.

I'm the sort of person that would make a split second decision that I couldn't speak to someone, then change my mind but then feel like I couldn't and it would all be horribly awkward.... Let it go.

Or/and she came across this thread? 😬

This. I have questions about the holiday though. Is she feeling weird about you paying? I probably would, so I'm wondering if it's that too.

It's more likely she was talking to someone else behind the van. There's no conspiracy. She was either talking to someone or answering the phone or messaging someone. It's very unlikely it's got anything to do with you. You are not the centre of anybody's world except your family.

Well I think it’s a lovely thing to do. And they should be grateful to have such a generous friend. Just don’t let them take the piss, any hint that either of them is starting to take advantage and I’d be making sure I never paid for anything for them again.

I’d send the friend a text, I just couldn’t be arsed wondering about it for days on end. I’d make it jokey and say something like “why were you hiding from me this morning you big weirdo?!” Let us know how it all pans out, whatever you decide!

I get that but you just pretend not to see the other person casually and carry on, you don’t stand and hide behind a van… It’s really odd behaviour.

@Nefrititi i don’t know why people are criticising you for doing a nice thing for your friends. My friends & I do this stuff for each other all the time. There’s been times in the past where they’ve had more money than me and kindly paid for things, and other times vice versa. I would only do this with my closest long-term friends though. Anyone else and I do think it’d make things uncomfortable. How close are you to these women? How long have you known them?

I'd text her to check everything is ok for meeting up Monday and the holiday. Re cards, I'd rather not send them. We don't give cards between my adult children, but my Sister and one friend loves them, so they get a card. The card is picked up during a supermarket shop. It's more effort to put together a nice message, set a reminder and send it on the day. As for meeting up, again the birthday person might have arranged it, again no effort. So I wouldn't read into that.

Well, as an introvert you probably hide from folk yourself sometimes (like I do) so you will understand yourself how it feels when you're not 'in the mood.'

Your friend may not be an introvert but we all have days when it's hard to deal with stuff, so I'd think she's just having a tough day..

The whole introvert/extrovert thing is rather a spectrum sometimes anyway, isn't it. Even though your mate is generally chatty, that can often mask how we are feeling underneath. -

• I'm a massive introvert myself but I can pull the rabbit out of the hat and chat away when I want or feel the need to.

It's a shame your other friends forgot your birthday, or didn't send you a card, but a lot of people don't send cards actually. I do sympathise because a good friend of mine never sends me anything and I got upset, so I told her, and the upshot was that she was just pretty un-together about birthdays generally. She does love me really. And now I feel much happier about it.

So it's good to air your feelings and discuss with your friends, about Hiding and Birthday Cards, preferably before it becomes a big awful issue in your mind x

What???

I’d message the group or her now. Don’t leave it.

How do adults manage in the outside world when they have so many friendship dramas?

This is absolutely what you should do. Don't hang around waiting to get upset. Find out where you stand so you can sort out what to do.

Maybe she was in some kind of hurry, OP. I’ve done the ducking behind or hiding (shamefully!) to people I knew, even close relatives. At work, I deliberately take longer ways around in the open office to avoid some greetings. My reason is not dislike of any of these people they are all lovely. My reason is that I simply don’t want to get caught up in conversation. Nothing sinister or something terrible that happened. I’m sure this can’t be a unique scenario. I really would drop it.

Op if this is how you are feeling, is it worth just grasping the nettle and saying "I'm just checking it still works for you guys, as it is getting near to the time we should change the ticket names should we need to. Final call for boarding, as it were."

No need to say anything about her hiding and you suspecting they are bailing - though if that's what was going on, she might suspect you cottoned on!

I think this is upfront and gives an opportunity for everyone to have the outcome they would really prefer. Make it seem like no big deal if they have changed their mind and it might flush them out. And if they say "Oh no, we are super keen" then you can stop worrying about the dynamics.

I think either way it gets you to a landing so you don't need to be fretting in a place of ignorance. It's upfront about it all, but in a totally non-confrontational way.

Maybe she was in a hurry or maybe juat not in the mood to chat? No big deal! I've definitely dodged people I like and would normally talk to on an off day or if I'm time strapped.