MIL keeps asking about children’s savings accounts

And it can just as easily be spent by their mother before they get to 18 on things their mother deems appropriate. Which is not the spirit in which the money was given. I am a firm believer of if you don't like the terms, don't accept it.

Whatever the practicalities, I think that asking once is reasonable, banging on about it is not.

There are saving accounts with some banks where the account is under the name of the parent but it is designated as the child's money and ownership of it transfers to the child at 18. Legally they are a "bare trust" and they aren't the same as the parent just having their own savings and saying they will hand it over later, as using the child's money for anything other than the child's benefit would be considered fraud.

You should really have a separate account for your children, such as a Junior ISA which is invested in stocks & shares. If family members contribute on top of a monthly contribution from you, your kids will end up with a hefty amount by the time they are 18

Yes, which they can spend on a PlayStation or a boozy holiday with their mates or buying clothes and make up which you can do absolutely nothing to prevent.

Also at 4 and 6 the kids often want to spend it rather than save it. Mine love taking some birthday money to Smyths!

This ^

Time and time again, children are not financially protected because of a lack of planning.

I wouldn't give money to any grandchildren unless it was ringfenced in an account just for them. Your reluctance to do that would make me uneasy. She has not gone about this in the right way, but neither have you.

If you don't want to open accounts in your children's names only, don't accept the money. You do not have to accept it just because it is offered.

It would be better to set up isas for them as the interest rate is good. Send her the details for transferring birthday/Christmas money in the future.

Indeed.

I’m shocked no one has already said this but your mil is being unreasonable for nagging YOU about this and not HER OWN SON (assuming he’s alive and well). I wouldn’t dream of having this convo with my sons wife, he should be the one getting on with doing some admin for his own children and then no ill feeling would be there.

I wouldn’t trust my sister in law with the cash either I’d think she’d use it on present stuff too. Eg I’ve witnessed a relative give £10 for her then 2 year old and she said ‘this will cover the aero plane toy we bought her on the way here, that can be ‘from’ relative now’ and pocketed the cash. After seeing that I’d never trust her with larger sums. It’d just go on things that would have already been bought.

Neither of my adult children "blew" their savings at 18. They always knew it wasn't for spending on fluff and it was for a car or a house deposit. They understood that I'd worked hard to save that money for them and they weren't brought up to be entitled. My friend on the other hand basically said to her kid 'here's your CTF. There's nothing I can do to stop you spending it'.

Are the accounts you have set up Junior ISAs or not? You could be doing so much better for your children than just opening an ordinary savings account.

Why doesn't she ask if she can set up an account in your children's names and pay into it and then give you the details? That's what my Grandparents did (albeit many years ago!)

Why not just open a kids saving account though? Why in your name?

You can’t unless your the child’s parents, to avoid fraud I guess. My sons godmother tried to do this but couldn’t.

We’ve set up one in our DDs name for gifts, and then got one in our joint account for us to save into specifically for her, it doesn’t have to be one or the other!

I voted YBU as I set this up when she was 2 months old (and had also been asked multiple times by relatives), so I’m not sure why you’ve waited maybe 6 years? It’s surely something you want to encourage!

My dc are the “child trust fund” generation and I know more who have bought holidays, cars, clothes and alcohol than have spent it on uni fees. I only know a few who went completely wild. Most were 10 nights in Ibiza instead of 4, and a mini break in Paris on top - a 5 year old polo rather than a 10yo C1, £100 jeans rather than £25 etc, turning down that extra shift because you don’t actually need the money, saying “yes” to every concert and festival rather than having to choose the one you want most. It’s developmentally normal to make borderline foolish financial choices at 18 and not unheard of to make catastrophically bad lifestyle choices (drugs etc) which are compounded, not alleviated, by a sudden money bomb.
My own children had little money and all turned out sensible but by luck rather than design. I have friends who have parented much better than me and have provided more stability but have had dc with poorer impulse control and decision making capability at 18. I. Have friends with multiple children who, like my own, have ended up with completely different personalities and priorities. If you are going to funnel large amounts of money into an account that is fully accessible by your child at 18 you should prepare yourself at least for the possibility that your child will not make the choices you want them to - it’s their money and your control slips away (or is wrenched in the case of children with addictions or who are groomed - does nobody remember Miss Georgiana Darcy’s lucky escape??). It’s naive to think your own tiny children will somehow be “better” than everyone else’s and make the decision you want them to as adults.

Ffs your mil is wanting to gift your children regularly and you are complaining?

Glad your H did it. You shouldn't have been difficult about it. You've been really unreasonable. Your MIL just wanted to give money to your children. All this 'they have savings in my account' is nonsense.

I can see MIL's POV.
I put money into accounts for my grandchildren that are not connected to their parents, because I don't trust either of them.
That is separate from Xmas & birthday presents.

“MIL I know you’ve been worried about the DC’s savings accounts so I have set up 1 for each DC just for you. Shall I give you the details so you can transfer money in?” Would that work? I’d be grateful- it’s money for your DC!

You’re coming across as the weird controlling one, not your MIL.

I opened a trust account with the Yorkshire Building Society for my granddaughter.. we don't have to turn it over to her until she's 21.... although neither she nor her parents know about it so it could be later if we choose. (she's only 6 anyway so a while to go). I wouldn't trust her parents if they had access to it. They're both prone to frivolous spending. The YBS don't do that account anymore for new applicants but your MIL should look into something similar and bypass you altogether. Maybe if you were a little more pleasant and not just looking for a reason to MIL bash she wouldn't need to nag you. Your behaviour is reason enough not to trust you with the kids' cash!!! Stop being a bitch.

We have a stocks and shares ISA for our 3yo which is in our name but is earmarked for him. We did not want him accessing tens of thousands at 18 and wanted some flexibility over when and how much to give to him, allowing it to grow more until he is ready to use it for something substantial. Right now it doesn't impact our own savings allowance but that may change - will review then and perhaps consider a trust. We will also have a separate savings account in his name at some point for smaller money that he can use as he chooses.

Both my parents are accountants, I was told about savings and compound interest and had all the financial education you could imagine, didn’t stop me blowing my meagre savings at 14 and never having had more than £1,000 saved up as an adult. Some people are just impulsive.