MIL keeps asking about children’s savings accounts

This is intrusive behaviour and it is hurtful not to be trusted.

I would not need to check that my children & their partners are doing the right thing for their children as I know they are decent people. I would not dream of asking for account numbers.

Your MIL sounds suspicious of you OP. Could you raise this with her in a calm way and clear the air?

This

Your making a drama about nothing

To be fair, if you have taken years to "get round" to setting up savings accounts (a job that takes an hour maximum) i would be wondering what the issue was.I too would want to make sure they money i was giving my Grandchildren for their savings accounts was actually being saved.

I've set up a savings account for my grandchild and am paying a regular monthly amount. I haven't told son and DIL yet. I'm hoping it will be a nice surprise in the future.

Nope, they’re trying to dictate where birthday money goes. If they want to save for the kids there’s nothing stopping them doing that separately.

Why?

I’m so shocked by how many people are defending this?

It’s non of their fucking business.

My in laws give DD money every Christmas and birthday, and I have a big family on my side and some of them do the same. More often than not we put it in her savings, but those savings are currently in a savings account linked to DH’s main account. If we choose to spend some of it on something for her, we will do that. The money was given as a birthday gift for DD and we as her parents are best placed to know what will most benefit her. We haven’t actually done this often, but we are contemplating a big, expensive purchase for her that she will love and get a lot of benefit from, and considering putting the money she gets this year towards it. That’s up to us, and my in laws/ family would absolutely support us doing what we think best.

Birthday money is a gift - you can’t specify what happens to a gift. If you want to put money into savings for a child nothing is stopping you, but you can’t dictate that’s what has to happen to their birthday gift.

My two nieces I tend to give cash to now they’re getting older, along with smaller token gifts at Christmas and birthdays. Their mum puts it in a separate account, along with money received from other family, but has dipped into that account before to pay for a trip to an expensive attraction the girls were desperate to go to and the family would not have afforded otherwise. They had an amazing time and the girls were thrilled - absolutely no issue with that whatsoever, am so glad they were able to have that experience which is what they both wanted.

For the record we save separately for DD in an account in her name, and as I understand it in laws are doing the same. We’re not in the business of ‘siphoning off‘ money intended for her - but we’re also not going to be dictated to on what we do with her birthday gifts, if that’s a problem then don’t give her a gift honestly.

This.

MIL and SIL are trying to do something nice for your kids future. It’s not hard to open a savings account in their names, and I’m not surprised they’re wondering why you won’t.

My Mum was like this. We had accounts for the DC, and she had the account details so could transfer directly but every time it was a birthday or Christmas she would hassle me and ask if her money had been transferred to the accounts. But I didn't have the account details, DH did. So I had to ask him, he had to check (because we only got yearly paper statements) then I'd have to let her know because apparently a text message from her SIL wasn't sufficient. Sigh. It was more trouble than it was worth. Once I could understand but after that it was just her anxiety.

Didn't realise that. What a pain.

You have to get the parents to set up the account though. It is very painful to do if they aren’t eager to do it.

I think it used to be possible for adults to set up savings accounts on behalf of children. So grandparents could do it.

That isn't possible anymore. ID has to be presented and I think only the parents can do it (might be wrong on this).

So maybe it's that really, THAT is what your MIL would have wanted to do? I would really like to be able to do this for my GC because frankly, my son hasn't always been the best with money and may have 'borrowed' the GC's money.

But it isn't possible anymore. I'm old and the ability to set accounts up for grandchildren is long gone. But that might have been your MIL's preference.

She doesn’t trust you not to spend it.

She sounds quite pushy. If she was that concerned or thought you were taking the money, then there's nothing stopping her from setting up her own savings account and giving the money to the kids when they turn 18, as a house deposit or whenever.

My ExDP's mum was superlative with money, although far from wealthy. She saved for my daughter and we are nothing but grateful. Just checked and anyone can buy Premium Bonds as gifts for under 16s. Can I suggest you ask for those for your children. There can be no question then about where the money is or under whose name.

Had something similar with my partners family, great grandma wanting to gift cash for grandkids for future etc I set up a junior ISA for him but if he was gifted small amounts for birthday cash etc used it for something nice day out (toy etc) until my son got to 12 when he had his own bank account with debit card for smaller amounts etc.

This is a good way to do it.
Set up accounts for them and give MIL the numbers.
Don't tell the children.

When you think their ages are suitable, say 21, you can tell them they have money in their names.

You'll probably have to pay tax on their money if it's in your name. They have their own tax allowances.

I think she is probably trying to be helpful and caring but going about it badly. For what it’s worth, my mum just opened an account for each of her grandkids herself which she pays into each month. My MIL pays into the ones we opened. So there’s more than one way to do it, maybe suggest she opens her own accounts if she’s worried!

Open a Child ISA in both their names, give DH's family the details and be done with it. Yes it's a bit weird that your MIL wanted to check what happened to cash she had gifted, but it's not weird that she wants them to have their own savings accounts (it's more tax efficient than you having accounts for them in your name).

Makes me remember I actually wanted to buy premium bonds for my nieces and nephews every birthday and Xmas. I didn’t care if they blew the money at 18, I just thought it was a nice gift and easy and would be cool for them to get a bit of money saved for them. They are an absolutely pain to set up and require the parents to send in the documentation etc. I couldn’t get the parents to do it. They kept ‘forgetting’ when the letters came and timed out. After about 3 attempts I gave up. Was very disappointed as I was thinking ‘who would turn down this gift’?

They can’t do that if they don’t know it exists. We had these for all of ours and they got the money to use as a deposit in their first house.

My mum always 'looked after' birthday money for me and my sibling. She just spent it.

I’m (almost) the MIL in this.

At our suggestion all my kids (bar1) set up ISAs for their kids and we put money into them every birthday and Christmas. Their parents also add to them when they can.

However 1 DIL won’t set up ISAs for her 2 and gets very irritated when asked, which I usually do before their birthdays or Xmas. As soon as they’re set up we’ll put in the money we would have but I just can’t fathom why she won’t do it. I also know that she would/will be the first to complain when all the cousins have a nest egg when the time comes and hers don’t. I’ve asked son to set them up but he won’t do it unless she agrees.

Were baffled.

He doesn’t have to know about it. I’d accounts for all mine and they hog the money when they were buying their first house.

Can the parent spend in and worry about the consequences later? History is littered with parents who have done this.

Because then she needs to ask for the birth certificate.....that will also be seen as interfering by the OP from what I can gather.

Op I think its an easy thing to stop agro. Just open their own accounts. Its not hard. Many people do syphon off their kids savings so maybe she is just concerned. There's been threads on here asking if its reasonable to "borrow" from the kids accounts which always divides opinion.