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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to tell DH to split his inheritance with his half siblings?

465 replies

hesbelleth · 17/05/2026 18:17

DH lost both of his parents quite young, when he was in his late 20s. His parents were both on their second marriage. He was adopted but only found out on his dad’s death.

His mum had two biological children with her first husband. They are in their late 50s, so much much older than DH. He sees them maybe 2-3 times a year, but growing up he didn’t really see them for a few years at a time. They’re both nice people.

When his mum died, she left his dad all of their property/money. She wanted her half to be split amongst her three children.

When DH’s dad died, he left everything to DH. It’s not an enormous sum but includes a very small flat in Kensington so it’s an estate of £1m+

DH’s siblings have now come to ask if he will be giving them their share of the estate. That is, for the mum’s half, split between them. DH doesn’t want to give them anything as it was left to him. He also says the money is more useful for him than them as they’re retired or about to and own their own houses outright.

OP posts:
user1471443026 · 17/05/2026 18:41

I voted he YANBU, but on reflection, they were adults when he was adopted into the family? They have been lying to him his whole life, or at least complicit in his parents lie - i would be telling them to piss off quite frankly. I can't imagine how your poor DH must be feeling to have lost both his parents only to then find out a huge part of his story has been kept from him by his whole family - I wouldn't blame him for being furious with them and not giving them a penny. I am a mum by adoption and the thought of keeping that from my children turns my stomach, I cant believe people still do this!! I hope he is able to find any answers he needs about his past.

Thuraya17 · 17/05/2026 18:40

He should do what his mum wanted. I would be really quite disheartened if the man I love was showing greed over inheritance and going explicitly against his mums wishes.

MinnieMountain · 17/05/2026 18:39

What did the siblings inherit from their dad?

Diamondsareforever72 · 17/05/2026 18:38

My dad didn’t have a will.
While suffering from dementia, he gave my SIL a valuable antique item that belonged to my great aunt, who always said it would be mine one day.
I was absolutely devastated. It caused ructions.
I made sure that I got it back. And she doesn’t know 🤣
(edited to remove a typo)

HoskinsChoice · 17/05/2026 18:37

MissMoneyFairy · 17/05/2026 18:24

His mum Should have stated in her will that half to her husband, the rest to be split 3 ways between her children. Did she have a will, if so what did it say and was it honoured.

Maybe it never crossed his mum's mind that she had brought up such a selfish, greedy child. With or without a will, it should be human nature to give your siblings their equal share.

Jk987 · 17/05/2026 18:36

karinahh · 17/05/2026 18:34

This is his business and unless he asks for your input I think you stay out of it.

But I’d want to understand why he’s being so completely stingy?

usererror99 · 17/05/2026 18:36

Depends really….how much of the £1m estate did she really contribute?? How much did she enter the second marriage with? If it was largely his dads fortune earned in what as presumably a fairly long first marriage then I can see why he didn’t include his step children in his will if she bought very very little to it in the first place.

Sounds like the step children were adults when his parents married and adopted your husband - I can see why your husband wouldn’t want to split the estate equally but perhaps a token gesture?

Apileofballyhoo · 17/05/2026 18:35

Did his DF just die recently?

karinahh · 17/05/2026 18:34

This is his business and unless he asks for your input I think you stay out of it.

HoskinsChoice · 17/05/2026 18:33

VIII · 17/05/2026 18:21

Well he seems like a lovely bloke. His selfish attitude would give me the ick to be honest.

This. I couldn't live with such a selfish man. And I certainly couldn't benefit from money that morally should not be mine.

MeridaBrave · 17/05/2026 18:32

Well he should work it what the house was worth at the date when his mum died and give the siblings 1/6 of this amount. So could be less than 1/3 overall if the house was worth less at the date his mum died etc.

lunar1 · 17/05/2026 18:32

It’s just awful when parents in a blended family are relying on someone else to do the right thing. Inheritance should never be left to the whims of a step parent.

WirralWool · 17/05/2026 18:32

I think it would be pure greed if he didn’t honour his DM’s wishes. He’ll still end up with £666,000 which contrary to what you have stated, is an enormous sum!

ReignOfError · 17/05/2026 18:31

Legally it’s all his money. Ethically and morally, it’s not. He should definitely split 50% (or more if his mother left more) 3 ways.

ExtraOnions · 17/05/2026 18:30

If his mum was that adamant that she wanted that, she would have made a Will to say that.

Blondeshavemorefun · 17/05/2026 18:30

Why on earth wouldn’t he give his half siblings their share of their mums property

he sounds a selfish prick

a million isn’t a lot ? Wow. You are obv rich. It’s a lot to me

Arlanymor · 17/05/2026 18:30

7in1Pond · 17/05/2026 18:19

His money, his decision. I agree with you though.

First post nails it. You have no right to tell him how to share his inheritance. But good people would try to make good... adopted kid takes all eh? Despite knowing exactly what his mum wanted for everyone. Has he ever heard of the word 'gratitude'?

Also a flat in Kensington is not small money, do you bathe in champagne?

Bluehouse14 · 17/05/2026 18:30

I would be very disappointed if my husband - the man I chose to marry - behaved like yours. You are right OP and not unreasonable at all.

BeeCucumber · 17/05/2026 18:29

How do you know his Mum’s wishes?

PurpleThistle7 · 17/05/2026 18:28

That’s obviously an enormous amount of money. If everyone is following the will properly then it’s in no way a requirement to give your half siblings money. Which is a perfect example of unintended consequences of blended families.

if following the wishes of his mum, he’d split half with his siblings - so he’d get 500K from his dad plus £500K/3 from
his mum. I would hope I’d be the bigger person and do this but I wouldn’t judge someone for sticking with the legal documents.

Namenamchange · 17/05/2026 18:28

Yes, he should give them a third each of 50% so around £160k, if they are expecting £300k+ then I’d say no. If £160k leave a bad atmosphere, then he might as well not bother. Any more than £160k would feel like they were greedy and he was buying a relationship with them.

Bettermuseli · 17/05/2026 18:28

If his mum wanted her legacy to be split, he should do that. Or at least give his siblings something. Legally he's not obliged to but morally he should. Clearly his dad wanted him to have everything so only the mums share needs splitting. How much that is, is guess work, but it's not nothing.

FrangipaniBlue · 17/05/2026 18:26

Legally his money.

I’ve been where his siblings are though……

every fibre in me hopes that karma is real and the share of my mums estate that my step dad left to someone else brings them zero happiness.

Jk987 · 17/05/2026 18:25

How is £1m estate not a large sum?

yes he should give them something for sure.

MrsBennetsPoorNervesAreBack · 17/05/2026 18:25

Well, legally it is his money and his decision.

It's a pretty greedy, selfish decision to go against his mother's wishes though.

If my DH did something like this, I would be really questioning the morals of the man that I had married tbh.

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