AIBU to tell DH to split his inheritance with his half siblings?

@hesbelleth When DH’s dad died, he left everything to DH. It’s not an enormous sum but includes a very small flat in Kensington so it’s an estate of £1m+

Not an enormous sum, but it's £1m+...

Never change, mumsnet.

If the whole lot is a million, then DH should have the half million from dad and then split the other half million 3 ways IMO so he then gets £666,666

Trying to justify his greed by saying the half siblings “don’t need it” would forever change my view of him.

I haven’t read everybody’s posts but idont know why people are saying the siblings should get 1/6 of the estate.
We don’t know if the mothers estate amounted to 50% of the total estate.
If the mothers owned a property as joint tenants then that automatically goes to her husband - so what is left of her estate is what would be divided between her three children.
What the father then does with HIS estate is HIS business.
If he decides to give his siblings anything then I would be giving them 1/3 of the movable estate .
If the mothers owned had n(for arguments sake) left her ‘half’ of the estate to her first towo children would they be splitting it with your husband? I would also be considering that.
However, yes you @hesbelleth ARE being unreasonable as you have no right to ‘tell’ your husband anything with regards to his inheritance.

Well on first glance it seems fair he should split it 3 ways.

But how much did the mum have before she met his dad? Because that's really the bit the first 2 kids are 'owed'.

Are they likely to contest the will?
I’d take some legal advice and maybe offer them an amount and then if they kick off and don’t accept the offer they’ve not got a leg to stand on.
£1 million is huge tho!!

if some relative left me that and not my
sister I would 100% share it with her but we are very close.

If there was a will and the mother had stated this in her will, then her intentions were know and morally, your DH should hand 1/6 of the inheritance to each of his half siblings.

However if the mother passed first and left everything to her husband, then her will is cancelled out and the husband's will counts in the eyes of the law.

In blended families, rather than joint tenants on the deeds, this should be changed to tenants in common and then the share of the house can be divided up as to the wishes of each individual, with the clause that the widow can stay in the house until their passing.

Yeah you absolutely should tell him. What would his mother want?
Why is he willing to cut his family off over money?
Tell him how poorly you think of him if he doesn’t and it’s really shocked you. He’d still keep 4/6 of the shame, he’d keep all 50% of his Dad’s share then just split the remaining 50%. So they get 1/6 while he gets 4/6… and he’s not willing to do that?
It’s quite disgusting. If it were my husband I’d be rethinking my marriage I think.

Probably because that would make the dad homeless. Mum wanted it split between them she was mum to all 3 so that’s what they should do.

What's an enormous sum to you OP I'm curious.

OP is his finding out he was adopted playing into his decision? That sounds like a very recent development and the emotions around that could be clouding his judgement. Is he perhaps projecting some anger at his half siblings who presumably knew given they are much older, and he may feel disconnected from them as a result. If he feels any anger towards his DPs who are not around to explain he may be projecting on to his siblings….

Sounds like he takes after his Dad, adopted or not
How awful for his mother’s wishes to be ignored. Poor woman probably had faith in her husband he would do the right thing by all her children. She should have made a will, and the Dad should have followed his wife’s wishes but in the absence of the Dad doing the right thing, your husband certainly should, regardless of him having more use for the money than the older siblings.
Greedy behaviour is quite revolting and it would make me think much less of him, and I would tell him so.

You are absolutely right. His mum's share should go to her other children and DH should split that 3 ways. That will make all the difference between a meager and comfortable retirement. It's what his mum would have wanted.

It's his decision but that's a moral thing here and does he want continued contact with his siblings. Imagine how they feel?

"She wanted her half to be split amongst her three children."

Is there any actual evidence of this? Or is it just some family story?

It’s his choice what to do in terms of the inheritance not yours @hesbelleth

if he did want to redistribute then it would probably be valued for when the mother died not the father.

The agreement to give the mum's children from the first marriage an inheritence is between his mum and his dad. If his dad chose to ignore that agreement, then that is on him, and not on your dh. Unless your dh promised his dad or his mum that he will share the inheritence, i do not think he needs to execute an agreement he was not a party to. I would stay out of it, and let him do what he wants.

I think he should honor his mums wishes. He should get his dad's 50% and split his mums share 3 ways. His dad was wrong to disregard their mums wishes. It would be greedy, morally wrong and selfish to keep it all.

This happened to my mate. She was one of the older kids. It ruined her relationship with her siblings and they now have no relationship at all. It wasn't about the money it was the principle and the greed.

He should absolutely honor his mom's wishes. He'd have the larger share anyways, although that isn't the point. It's irrelevant that they are retired, his mom intended for them to be treated equally.

This actually pisses me off, he's betraying his late mom and siblings.

Then she should have left half to the husband and half to the sons in her will. You can never express a wish via wording and hope it's then honoured by the person (in this case dad) to split his will

If his mum wanted her estate to be split between her three children, then she should have made a will to that effect.
it’s not up to you DH to try to work out now, what 1/3 of her estate would have been at the point she passed.

I agree with you. He should honour his mum’s wishes and give them 1/6 each. He’s being very greedy and it’s not endearing.

... if he ignores his mum's expressed wishes....

When and how did she express these wishes?

How does anyone know of DM's wishes?

I think DH should give something to his siblings. Does he have big plans for the inheritance?

It’s disgusting that he would completely disinherit her children.

She did that herself, when she didn't make a will.
Why didn't she?
In the absence of a will, how does anyone know what her wishes were?
Why didn't the half siblings approach fil, their stepfather?
And as pp have said, how much was mil's estate? If in England, that information is in the public domain and can be looked up on the govt. probate registry.