AIBU to tell DH to split his inheritance with his half siblings?

I voted YABU but you aren't, sorry.

Presumably his mum trusted his dad with her wishes, and believed he would honour them. I know a couple of people who have lost out in inheritance in similar situations, and it’s pretty shitty. Of course his mum should have written her will differently, but maybe she had her reasons for doing what she did (maybe it was complicated by property and wanting FIL and DH to keep their family home) or she just trusted her husband. Either way, if DH knows it’s what she would have wanted, I would want him to do the right thing by them and not be selfish.

My step dad went through this, but the opposite way round. His dad left xyz, but the wife’s kids wouldn’t hand over his share (that was actually in his will) until a lawyer was brought in. Diabolical behaviour when the majority of the money came from his Dad in the first place and the step kids wanted it for themselves.
he should hand over half for them to split ‘morally’, and I’m sure if he doesn’t this will cause a hugeeee row.
legally he can probably do as he wants but it’s quite unfair isn’t it. How would he feel if it was the other way round? 🤷🏻‍♀️

Legally, no obligation to share.

Morally, I’d need to know more than others and have several comments.

1. How long were mum and dad married? I assume until they passed in his late 20s.
2. if the siblings are 20+ years older, they were likely moved out the nest by the time their mum re-married his dad. He will probably, quite rightly, feel that his dads assets have no sentiment to them and are his. Were they close growing up as a family? Maybe he feels that if they didn’t bother with his parents or him, it’s quite entitled to show up with their hands out now. Perhaps it’s not the case!
3. Did his parents buy the Kensington flat together or did one of them inherit it or own it first ? If it were mums flat for example, that should the divided by three. If dad brought it into the marriage or inherited it, then personally - not one to share.

I think it’s complicated and comes a lot down to family dynamics. If they were older, absent siblings (to the whole family) who have a father they may inherit from, why shouldn’t he benefit from his one parent to inherit from? Very complex and not a great situation

If you have a property together you can write it into your Will that your share will go to your children upon your death - into a trust if they are minors or a specified age (max 25y I think). Requires a severance of the joint tenancy.

So many questions OP!

a) when did this all happen? If it’s still quite recent rather different from a decade ago.

b) did the siblings know he was adopted and also kept it from him?

c) how do you know his mum wanted her share split 3 ways? If she left it all to her dh, it sort of suggests she didn’t.

Does he want a relationship with them? This is unfortunately the price he’ll have to pay (literally) to keep the relationship or not give them anything and that will be the end of the relationship. I agree with you though.

Seriously? Are you stupid? Blind?

I think you need your hearing checked.

Why didn't his dad honour his mother's wishes. What an arse. Its not truly about the money is it. Its about being erased from someones life like they didn't matter. It would bother me if someone I loved behaved like that.

It’s a very valid point some have raised.

How do you know it was the mums wishes. What proof is there? Clearly no will, which is the only legal way to ensure one’s wishes.

Has one sibling by change chance suddenly become in financial need or got a new partner.

Also again how long ago did mum die. Then dad die for it to now be an issue.

I hope everyone reading this thread is thinking about updating their will - the vast majority of people have mirror wills with everything going to the other if they die. Whilst great from a tax perspective it does mean that there is a significant chance that children get disinherited/end up with very little (particularly if the surviving partner marries again at some point in the future). At the very least anyone with teenagers/young adults should update their will - you cannot rely on 'wishes' being followed at some point in the future (eg here it would have needed the lady's husband or her son to implement her wishes and clearly the former didn't see fit to do so and the latter isn't keen either - shows you how people work once money is involved. I'd certainly prefer a portion to got to the taxman in order to ensure my dcs get their fair share rather than nothing to the taxman but potentially nothing to my dcs either.

And by the way, saying that kind of money is of no use to someone in their 59s is mind boggling. It can be absolutely life-changing. You could pay off your mortgage perhaps, which means being able to choose to retire early, etc, etc. Fir all ye knows, his siblings might really need the money.

Legally, he doesn’t have to do anything. Morally, he absolutely should. Could he even enjoy his inheritance knowing he’s denied his siblings their rightful share? I wouldn’t be able to.

Really he should be giving them 1/6 each, it’s unfortunate his mum didn’t ring fence the money in her will.

In the world where people don't have trust funds.

HTH, HAND

I don't think I'd want to be married to a man who will not share an inheritance from his adoptive mother with her two biological children.

Unless there is more to this than we know.,

In my family, from experience, saying it would be how you ensure it happens. As people behave respectfully towards their dead parents' wishes and honour their wishes even when they are not legally compelled to.

In what world is 1 million an enormous sum? I had more than that in my trust fund and I am not exaclty the most well off within my social circle.

I could never look at him the same way again if he didn't respect his mother's wishes. 'She should have made a will' - well, or she should be able to have had faith that her son isn't a little prick.

So neither her husband nor her son give a shit about what she wanted.

Make sure your will is watertight OP, if you want any of your money to go to anyone else because now you know that your husband won’t honour your wishes.

Who knows? Does it matter? Are all mother-child relationships to be based on written contracts? Or on trust, love, respect, honour?

Did her estate go through probate and what was it worth?

I absolutely 100% agree that her children should get 1/3 each of her estate, but if the Kensington flat was the dad's and not part of her estate, it is a red herring.

Either way, you can express how you feel, but he has to decide and live with the consequences of his decision.

Wicked, that he should ignore his mother's wishes just because she can

What stopped his mother making a will leaving a share to her children?

Did his mum leave the instructions in her will? My mum willed her half of my parents to my sister & myself in trust but my dad could live their till his death. When my dad died he willed everything 3 ways to my sister, his daughter from his first marriage & myself. We had our mum's will & the property was split only half of the bungalow was split 3 ways so our half sister received about 17% of the sale. If their is a predating will from his mum he may not have a say & his siblings have a legit legal claim

Agree with this split. Morally it’s the right thing to do.

Sometimes our spouses need us to remind them the right thing to do when they’ve lost sight of what matters. I disagree with posters suggesting it’s completely up to OP’s DH- yes, technically it is, but OP should make her views clear.

If her husband keeps the whole inheritance he’s a selfish greedy man, and if it was my husband. I’d be reconsidering his values and wondering how he would treat me and our children if it no longer benefitted him to treat us fairly.