Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to tell DH to split his inheritance with his half siblings?

465 replies

hesbelleth · 17/05/2026 18:17

DH lost both of his parents quite young, when he was in his late 20s. His parents were both on their second marriage. He was adopted but only found out on his dad’s death.

His mum had two biological children with her first husband. They are in their late 50s, so much much older than DH. He sees them maybe 2-3 times a year, but growing up he didn’t really see them for a few years at a time. They’re both nice people.

When his mum died, she left his dad all of their property/money. She wanted her half to be split amongst her three children.

When DH’s dad died, he left everything to DH. It’s not an enormous sum but includes a very small flat in Kensington so it’s an estate of £1m+

DH’s siblings have now come to ask if he will be giving them their share of the estate. That is, for the mum’s half, split between them. DH doesn’t want to give them anything as it was left to him. He also says the money is more useful for him than them as they’re retired or about to and own their own houses outright.

OP posts:
OneFineDay22 · 18/05/2026 08:24

On the “small amount of £1m+” maybe the OP means after inheritance tax and dividing with the siblings, it wouldn’t go very far in London?

Tableforjoan · 18/05/2026 08:23

Op hasn’t been back to confirm that there is proof these where his mother wishes.

If both parents died when the dh was in his 20’s ops describing this as a quite while ago rather than his parents died a year or 2 ago.

Why has it only come to light now that allegedly the mother wanted it split?

This could well be two older siblings who have just decided they want some of the pie and made up a story between themselves with no proof after all these years.

I wouldn’t be just taking the word of a sibling I barely have a relationship with other the wills I could visibly read.

Though the person that implies he should be thankful for being adopted wow. Maybe they adopted him because her other children were assholes and they wanted a good child 🙃

Do we even know the stepdad didn’t give them money or items when their mother died if she didn’t leave them anything in a will.

MynameisnotJohn · 18/05/2026 07:58

DH’s dad is the shitty person here. No interest in his late wife’s children and no consideration for her wishes.
Interesting that he has justified to himself saying they don’t need it! Bloody cheek. Maybe they have children they would like to help. Maybe they would like to do some home improvements or go on a holiday. But he’s already spending the whole lot in his head. Poor show.
This actually happened to my exH. His dad had abandoned his mum and never bothered with his own DC while acting like a great dad and granddad to 2nd wife’s two. Then she got dementia (was 18 years older than him) and DH started seeing his dad and they grew close again. Grandad was pleased to meet our children and I think was worried about being alone when she died. He told ExH he would split his will three ways to exH and her two.
Then he suddenly died very unexpectedly. She lasted a few weeks more. The estate went to her two. Over 1.5m. All earned by him. They did have him over to the house to take sentimental things but there was no honouring of his wishes.

Ophy83 · 18/05/2026 07:57

I would definitely encourage him to respect his mother's wishes for her share even though her husband failed to do so.

PrincessOfPreschool · 18/05/2026 07:45

I disagree that it's not your business. You are probably the closest person to him. Decisions like this will affect your relationship and his heart (I believe such a selfish and money motivated decision will make him a bit hard of heart, not to mention ignoring his own mum's wishes - these decisions have a long term effect on the kind of person you are becoming).

I don't think the adoption is relevant at all though and I wouldn't include that at it's very hurtful to imply his mum's biological children should be considered merely because they are biological. He should only be considering his mum's wishes.

MyLimeGuide · 18/05/2026 07:45

Sartre · 18/05/2026 07:32

The issue is she left it with her husband rather than children. If she wanted to ensure the older two received some, she should have explicitly said that in the will. She relied on her husband to do the right thing which he clearly didn’t. I think your DH absolutely should give his half siblings some of the money but he legally doesn’t have to, it’s just about morals here.

Yep exactly this.

MyLimeGuide · 18/05/2026 07:44

Jk987 · 17/05/2026 18:25

How is £1m estate not a large sum?

yes he should give them something for sure.

What are you talking about? I have that much in loose change lying about the house!😂

Theolittle · 18/05/2026 07:34

Sorry not rtft but if the split had been done when his mum died the inheritance tax might have been paid differently? Might there be a way of going back and reassessing?

Sartre · 18/05/2026 07:32

The issue is she left it with her husband rather than children. If she wanted to ensure the older two received some, she should have explicitly said that in the will. She relied on her husband to do the right thing which he clearly didn’t. I think your DH absolutely should give his half siblings some of the money but he legally doesn’t have to, it’s just about morals here.

ACynicalDad · 18/05/2026 07:25

I would say do as your mum requested and i’d think less of you if you don’t but I can’t force you. He’d still get 4/6 so the best part of £700k which would be transformative for most people.

fundamentallyauthentic · 18/05/2026 07:24

RedRock41 · 18/05/2026 07:21

Does a part of him not think 💭 what if his parents hadn’t adopted him? To then get over £1m and opt to go against his Mother’s wishes after all she’s already done for and given him, is legal but morally reprehensible.

She didn’t do him a favour by adopting him.

RedRock41 · 18/05/2026 07:21

Does a part of him not think 💭 what if his parents hadn’t adopted him? To then get over £1m and opt to go against his Mother’s wishes after all she’s already done for and given him, is legal but morally reprehensible.

Bookloveruk · 18/05/2026 02:19

Legally it was left to him but if he knew his mother’s wishes then he should honour that. She really should have left a will.

MyCottageGarden · 18/05/2026 01:35

This level of selfishness would put me right off him, yuck

CRCGran · 18/05/2026 01:21

It's the dad that's gone against the mother's wishes, not your DH. But if he gave up half to be shared between the siblings he's still walking away with a fairly tidy sum by anyone's standards. But it is his decision.

WeAreNumpties · 18/05/2026 00:33

All these people saying the mum should have made a will. Some people are really trusting and believe the best of their close relatives, they don't expect them to be moneygrubbing gits who'd go against their wishes and effectively steal money that was never intended for them.

Peanutbutterkitty · 18/05/2026 00:14

I probably wouldnt unless i loved them! If that was the mums wishes she would have written a will.

JustABean · 18/05/2026 00:09

My mum was put in a very similar situation but nobody had to ask, once bills,funeral, taxes all paid she split the rest equally between her other 2 half siblings..No drama just nice moral wtg

Namechangeforthisdilemma1 · 18/05/2026 00:00

P.s. A MILLION POUNDS is not an insignificant sum, are you having us on, OP?

Namechangeforthisdilemma1 · 17/05/2026 23:52

fundamentallyauthentic · 17/05/2026 23:38

If she was if sound mind then his mum could easily have made provision for the siblings if she wanted to. I wonder if she secretly favoured her youngest child?

I suspect your DH is thinking it’s not much of a loss in terms of the relationships if he sticks to his guns and doesn’t give his siblings any money as he’s not close to them. I don’t blame him.

A lot of people don’t realise that a verbal request won’t be listened to by a spouse that supposedly loves and respects them…

Namechangeforthisdilemma1 · 17/05/2026 23:51

Divorce him and take half, then share some with the siblings.

I think it’s ultimately his decision but for him and his dad to go against his mum’s wishes is nasty.

fundamentallyauthentic · 17/05/2026 23:38

If she was if sound mind then his mum could easily have made provision for the siblings if she wanted to. I wonder if she secretly favoured her youngest child?

I suspect your DH is thinking it’s not much of a loss in terms of the relationships if he sticks to his guns and doesn’t give his siblings any money as he’s not close to them. I don’t blame him.

twilightermummy · 17/05/2026 23:37

I'm not sure if anyone else has asked as I've not read all of the messages, but am I right in thinking that he was adopted? So, he wasn't his mum or dad's biological child?
I know it doesn't make any difference if so. I still think his dad behaved terribly to let it play out like that.
Your dh should give them 1/6 each. He's very lucky to have inherited, many of us don't/won't. How could he sleep at night otherwise?

lornad00m · 17/05/2026 23:36

It’s not an enormous sum but includes a very small flat in Kensington so it’s an estate of £1m+

Clueless? Or humble brag? Either way ... 🙄

Bourneyesterday · 17/05/2026 23:28

Morally, he is stealing if he keeps it all. He could keep his dad's half and split his mum's half between her 3 children.

A million is a massive inheritance!