Breast feeding and child seeking comfort

Breastfed both. Co slept with number two, not number one. Number one not cuddly at all but used to cling to me at drop off even at school. Number two very cuddly but walks into nursery without so much as a backward glance. They are just have different personalities and temperaments just like us!

You said in your opening post you have low mood and didn't bond with baby at birth. A bit strange to claim you're not struggling.

Bf my third baby now. Eldest two went thright stages where they preferred daddy. As I was the one doing the drudge. But when they sick etc back to me! Healthy attachment is when they go off and play etc 🙂. Very independent toddlers and finally slept. But kids have their own personality bf or combi etc. Sounds like your a little fixated tbh

One of mine was bf for 2 years the other only 6 weeks. The child fed for 2 years is more cuddly but that could be pure coincidence. Someone told me boys are more cuddly than girls in general but again that could be made up too! I wouldn't fixate on the past. We all do our best, I bf for a long time but I'm not mother of the year, I don't have a lot of patience now my kids are older. I'm sure you are doing a fine job, the fact your child is happy to be left at nursery is great, it sounds like you have a content child.

Based on my experience of 2, both BF and cosleeping - one was/is much more tactile and cuddly than the other, reflecting their personalities over all.

I cannot really recognise that. Both my kids when toddlers preferred their father and he’s still their favourite parent compared to me (he’s pretty fantastic with them so I don’t blame them 😅). And both have ignored me on pick up. I see that as having chosen the right setting for them.

People are trying to comfort you and be reassuringnecause you seem to be struggling. However when I was breastfeeding and when women here post about struggles with lack of sleep, lack of freedom, being tied to the baby, feeling touched out, everyone tells them to give a bottle, that BF babies are clingy etc and I think there is some truth to that. BF is comfort as well as food. My toddler definitely seeks me out to BF when he's had a bit too much, he's tired, misses me etc. That being said, overall it's more of a personality thing than anything, in my opinion.

One of mine was EBF, one combi (& preferred a bottle). Both do that at nursery pick-up. At drop-off I don't even get a "bye", let alone a hug. I think it's a great sign we've picked the right settings for our little ones personally. ❤️

Could you reach out to your GP for a referral for in person counselling? I went after both of mine to tackle low mood, and it was really refreshing to vent in person. I didn't have too many IRL supports but a professional can still be a member of your village.

I understand feeling wistful for a better baby stage, and that that can manifest in strange ways. I was so low after my firstborn, I felt I was robbed of their newborn stage for different reasons than you. Gently, you seem slightly fixated on your breastfeeding journey, and how that's impacted your current reality. Try enjoy the little one you have at this stage, and think about how you can make the most of motherhood in toddlerhood.

Have two sons. Both breastfed till 2+ years. One is absolutely not cuddly and never was. He might say best want to rest his head on me if he’s sick for 5 minutes. The other one lives for cuddles and would melt into me (and anyone really) if he could. So no I wouldn’t say breastfeeding makes a difference. It’s the child’s character.

Mums are typically the safe space for little ones, where they let out the 'bad' behaviours. They're secure enough to reject us at times, and it's part of building a secure attachment to let them do so without reacting.

Instead of focusing on their relationship with others, focus on fostering things that are special to the two of you.

It sounds like you're pretty low about this, do you have anyone to talk too IRL?

Both my kids were formula fed and extremely cuddly. We even sleep trained my youngest and didn’t co sleep and she is very affectionate. It’s entirely dependent on the e child, their personality, environment and so many factors.

How old is he OP? A toddler? This could be a classic case of him rejecting the one he feels safest around. I BF and co-slept with my DS and when he was a toddler he went through a stage of actively rejecting me in favour of his dad. It was a short lived phase and has been very cuddly with me ever since

Hi OP, I dont think so! My kids were all breastfed but they have very different personalities (one much more cuddly and affectionate.) I also coslept with my daughter as she refused the cot and she is arguably the least 'cuddly' of my kids. I don't think how much they want to cuddle is reflective of your bond with them- its just personalities! x

I breastfed and co slept with all three of mine. My eldest is not a cuddler, never was. Fiercely independent. My middle was my cuddly baby, still is as an adult. My third is somewhere between the two. I just think some children naturally are more affectionate. My eldest is lovely, and I know they love me as they do tell me, just hugging isn't something that comes natural to them.

Be kinder to yourself.

@idontmatter123 fair enough, I totally read too much into that and I apologise for making that assumption - it was out of order to do so.

My DC are both adults. I was in for 5 days in 2000 after an induction, with mws repeatedly trying to get DS1 to feed! I was in for 48 hours in 2008 after a cs.

Almost certainly not, I’d say, based on my experience. I breastfed neither of mine. DS1 refused all the way, despite a lot of midwife intervention! DS2 was trying to feed but after a cs and staff shortage on the postnatal ward I cracked on with what I knew best. So neither got to breastfeed. DS1 was more needy of cuddles than DS2, noticeably so.