To expect people to be upfront with any ‘kinks’

Would you be comfortable to say what it is? I just don’t understand what a kink is? Are we talking that you like role play? Or bum being spanked? Or is it something extreme like you must have marmalade smeared on your boobs or sex means nothing.

Good on you, OP! I'm sorry he was such a time-wasting prick. What a nasty, manipulative thing for him to do to you.

And the cheek of him, saying you're prudish, and limiting your options because you're not into buggering your boyfriend 🤣 Somehow I think you'll manage to find a man who doesn't need to be pegged (by sex workers) quite easily!

You have had a lucky escape. I know it doesn’t feel like that at this moment.

But you will meet someone else and someone who doesn’t have the same sexual urge

Sorry, he’s met your parents that makes it harder. Would you be honest with them? Why you’re not together? Probably not cause I couldn’t imagine saying that to my dad.

But you are young and that all people out there who will treat you right and not expect a plastic or wooden dildo up their arse

In fairness, no matter what thing there is, there will be some men who have a kink about it.

Just adding, having read PP’s comments, I don’t think enjoying anal things automatically means a man is secretly gay. Being pegged by a woman is a different experience to just having sex with a man. I am bi and enjoying things in my bumhole doesn’t make me straight. Me as a woman using a strap-on on a woman or man doesn’t mean they’re secretly anything other than someone who fancies women and likes things in their bumhole.
Obviously there will be some gay/bi men in denial, and it doesn’t excuse this man’s words and manipulation, but some people just like things up their bum and doing it to yourself is different to someone else doing it

Suspecting someone is in denial about being gay is not homophobic - in fact it's the opposite - women have often been conned into "cover up" relationships by gay men, and always lose by it. Men using women as "beards" has always real thing and women are sensible to question if they suspect this is the case. The most flamboyantly "out " gay men like Elton John almost always have a history of marrying women as a disguise in the past. I'm sure there are plenty of men still using women this way when it doesn't suit their lifestyle or reputation to be thought of as gay..

What a twat this guy is. You are well rid, he's a manipulative knob.

I just wonder, statistically, how many women are really, really turned on by pegging? How many women who aren't into going to fetish clubs or part of a 'scene' actually want to do this SO much? And how many of them, if their partners weren't into it, would go off and find a prostitute to do it to?

How fucking rude! And manipulative! I think he is only saying this because he feels hurt about you ending things and he’s trying to hurt you. I don’t believe for a second his exes were ok with him paying a prostitute to peg him, and you obviously should not feel bad that you would not find this acceptable. There are plenty of men in their 30s and beyond who are not particularly interested in kinks, and in my experience men who enjoy degradation or pegging are not that common

Statistically i reckon they would all be men. It always seems its men who have "kinks" they try to foist on women, probably from watching too mych porn, it's been proved that they lose the ability to have ordinary sex. Yuck

Woo Boy! Each message got worse and worse and the one you quoted here is just vile.

It shows that some people can go a fair few months concealing their truly terrible nature.

Absolutely. Why are some people so obsessed with sex acts anyway.
I would of thought better to try and get a nice relationship going without bringing extra burdens into it.
That will never be enough anyway as soon as that's worn off he'll want something else. Humans always have to go one worse when they are like that.
Why not put their brain power into other areas of their life. Why just sex 🥱 🥱

Yes sounds like he is secretly gay. I would tell him you feel disgusted you have been unknowingly sleeping with a man with homosexual tendencies and you are going to get yourself tested ASAP as he has clearly been seeing prostitutes.

It's certainly an odd combination from someone professing to be straight!

OP, just send him this meme...

OMG OP he’s clearly laid his cards on the table. Put up with sexual stuff you don’t want to do or you’re going be a sad lonely old spinster basically. In other words he doesn’t care how you feel and he’ll use any manipulation tactic he can think of to get his kink serviced. He’s be happy to get that from you however unhappy you were, or from someone else while with you. That’s not a relationship it’s a one-man vortex of pornified selfishness. You have done the right thing and he’s showing you how unpleasant he really is.

it hurts now and I understand you don’t have time to waste, but this is exactly what you have to do to avoid ending up married to an awful man because you gave someone like this the benefit of the doubt. It’s really unfair and we shouldn’t have to sift through a morass of arseholes to find a man with basic respect, but you’re doing what you have to. Onwards and upwards op

This is really homophobic.

You've dodged a bullet. Well done for standing your ground. Put it behind you and feel pleased that you found out and did something about it. And you will find a much better partner.

Is that a serious question?

The entitlement of his response!!!

Jesus Christ! Thank god you dodged this bullet, OP, he sounds like a total dickhead.

So there's red flag bunting there then. I'm sorry. Just be grateful you have clocked it now and move on rather than getting sucked in with sunk cost fallacy thinking.

My friend refers to men like this as 'time thieves'.

Plot twist but yes, this is very feasible

What a pig op. Highly manipulative too. Meeting your parents and dropping it then. He clearly thought you would be now trapped because he has met the family. Glad you dumped him. Gross, what normal woman is going to accept that.

So there's red flag bunting there then. I'm sorry.

My friend refers to men like this as 'time thieves'

I agree with the other comments on this thread that mention the shaming intention behind being telling someone to be more "open minded". The inherent judgement behind that phrase is horrible.

If I was being charitable I'd say he feels judged himself and is lashing out. You don't sound like you have done that though but instead have drawn a boundary for yourself. I actually think he's being manipulative.

Wow. Lucky escape for you, still upsetting, give yourself space to feel the disappointment and grieve the hopes you had for thi relationship and then you can fly free from the confines of his inflexible sexual demands.
I wonder what else he’d have sprung on you over time had you stayed?