To expect people to be upfront with any ‘kinks’

😄

Well that's it- getting annoyed would definitely play into his hands.
Boak.

I'd tell him to get to fuck, you wanking bellend

He'd probably like it, so you'd have to block him immediately 😭

Well said.

You definitely should just block and ignore, but if I were to reply it'd say: "Thank you, your 'advice' was extremely helpful. Just probably not in the way you intended. Best of luck to you."

You seem to have misread my comment.

I'm talking about why people make the association between anal sex and being gay or bi - it's based on the frequency of the behaviour in straight vs gay/bi men, and may be a wrong assumption, but is not an unreasonable association to have. I didn't say anything about a man definitely being secretly gay because he wants to be pegged.

My explanation is quite simple. As the vagina is designed to be a direct part of the sexual process, and does provide sexual pleasure as part of that, then it makes sense to include it in sex (and fyi, just because women don't generally orgasm, doesn't mean it doesn't feel very, very good - I'm sorry if that's not the case for you).

Whereas the anus hasn't evolved to put anything into it, or to be part of the sexual process at any point, and in addition to the fact that it can cause damage to women, faecal matter comes out of it that can cause UTIs and infections. So it's unhygienic for anyone to penetrate/lick it, and all of that makes it a little odd, imo. But that's their business!

A woman’s vagina has evolved to be penetrated for reproduction, not simply sexual pleasure which is why comparatively fewer women climax from PIV sex compared to oral sex. So this explanation of yours doesn’t really clarify with two women with a strap-on does not make them straight but a man and a woman with a strap-on makes the man secretly gay.

Are gay men not “normal”? What makes a man not “normal” for enjoying anal stimulation given that’s where the prostate gland is?

Have a good cry, and then hold your head up high, in the knowledge that you have self respect, can hold your boundaries and have much to offer in a relationship.

This ^

Our self respect is worth keeping hold of more than any man

Except plenty of straight men aren't 'normal', and have oodles of weird/disgusting fetishes and kinks. It's a little strange to divide men into 'gay' and 'normal', as that's not how the division actually works!

OP, you have done the right thing. His messages get worse and worse, it's not just the kink but his overall manipulativeness and entitlement that are so shocking. You're well rid. Yes, you have lost a year, but thank your lucky stars that he did show his hand so early and you were able to finish things before they progressed further. Some women reach the stage of marriage and children before they discover their partner's true nature.

Have a good cry, and then hold your head up high, in the knowledge that you have self respect, can hold your boundaries and have much to offer in a relationship.

Wow what a vile individual OP. Good for you. No apology for having wasted your time, leading you on under false pretences, or for putting you in a no win situation. It’s your fault for being a prude! Honestly there’s just no end to the gaslighting in the bloody patriarchy - bullet definitely dodged. And do tell your parents what this creep has done to you & did to them actually in trying to manipulate you. As long as it’s not TMI for them 🥴

More like anal projection 😂

The "morass of arseholes" could possibly have been more sympathetically phrased 😉

You have done the right thing op

Wanting the sex you want is absolutely fine, you have to know what you want and want you do not want. Calling you prudish/trying to push boundaries is never fine and a behaviour he would have continued with

An ex of mine (it wasn't serious thankfully) decided to put my knickers on while I was out of the room, this he obviously enjoyed 😖 I was really annoyed they were new and part of a lovely set. And I was also annoyed he made the assumption I would be into this. I am not was an absolute turn off and I finished with him the next day

He apparently said it was a joke (no it was not) then I got called a prude to and its fun to dress up. Well maybe his next girlfriend thought so I didn't

OP, I am impressed by your dignity. This man is hitting every button you have to get you to his way of thinking. It would be worse if you had ignored your instincts, and it tells you his use of the time taken to tell you about this was cynical. Do not let him take further advantage of your emotions. I would honestly block his messages so that you can think for yourself. He is showing signs that he does not want to allow that. You are vulnerable; he’s probably had this conversation before many times in some form and you have not. It gives him great emotional advantage over you.

Not so - you can use the missionary position for this; some find this particularly arousing.

To be fair, a woman's vagina has evolved to be penetrated, so to include vaginal penetration in sex just makes sense.

The anus has not evolved to be penetrated (in either sex), and anal sex is generally not something that straight men have traditionally wanted to be on the receiving end of.

Stats I found were vague, but seemed to show that roughly 10 to 16% of adults (not men, just adults) have tried pegging at least once. So possibly as many as 1 in 10 men have tried it, but that doesn't mean they did it more than once. So no, it's not a common thing for straight men to do.

Anal sex is definitely much more strongly associated with the gay community, with between 70 to 80% of gay men engaging in anal sex. So it's not surprising that a man who wants to be pegged triggers the association with homosexuality/bisexuality in people's mind, and makes people wonder if the guy is pulling a Phillip Schofield.

Sorry @Laurennnworld I didn't read your updates before my comment.

His answer suggesting that you are prudish shows what a horrible man he is. No consideration for you just for his sex kinks.

You are definitely better off without him.

I have actually heard this suggested before (not here) but it’s a good question to ask here. It’s sad but unsurprising how many people reduce homosexuality to just sex acts.

And I guess by the logic here, a woman who is straight would be fine having sex with another woman wearing a strap-on.

In a weird way he's done you are favour @Laurennnworld , if he'd kept this secret until you were married and/or had a child you'd have found it far harder to leave. Now you can get on with your life without being tied to a man with a fetish, he calls it a kink to make it sound less important, but if he can't manage a relationship without it then that's a fetish. Better luck next time Op

This.

If its not for you @Laurennnworld and he'd 'struggle to go without' this particular thing, then end it now. What's to say he won't gradually add other things he'd struggle to go without. Some just aren't a good match.

Reducing the full richness and complexity of same sex attraction and same sex relationships to one sex act is absolutely homophobic.

There is not one thing said here that is suggestive of a man in denial about his sexuality.

Not one.

Actually, don’t. I’m happy living in ignorance.

To answer the original question, I can understand OP being pissed off. The time to put sexual kinks and boundaries on the table is obviously not on the first date, but certainly the first couple of months of exclusivity when you’re in that period of not being able to keep your hands off of each other.

To those that suggest a man enjoying anal stimulation must be gay. Do you think that gay women who enjoy penetration by sex toys are actually straight?