To expect people to be upfront with any ‘kinks’

Yup well aware of that. Fortunately she has a very supportive partner and they do it safely.... well as safely as you can I mean.

I like vanilla sex (well I don’t indulge in any of it all now). People like to use vanilla as an insult or to belittle, but not to me. I’ve had great sex and none of it included kinks. I could never have indulged someone's ‘kink’ and luckily I never dated anyone in over 40 years who expressed having one.

Clearly I'm not talking about sex with children or teens, or animals. I'm talking pegging, feet, tights, shoes, being degraded etc.

It seems to be. I once dated a woman who introduced me to her ‘box of tricks’ which included a certain appendage she liked to wear. She couldn’t understand my complete disinterest as apparently her ex was really into it. No thanks.

The genie is definitely out of the bottle now, isn't it?

What a horrible man. Any more of that and I'd be going to the cops.

The more I read about him, the more I think is that his real kink is boundary violation. Getting you to do something that you don't want to do. That makes him a very dodgy kind of individual.

For me, it would need to be mentioned prior to having sex for the first time then I could decide whether I wanted to have sex at all with full disclosure of what he would be expecting in the future.
If he can’t live without it he really should have brought it up prior to any sex because otherwise he’s sort of reeled you in.

These days, good old vanilla gets a bad press but there’s something to be said for it especially if it’s full of sensuality and passion.

Seriously? You know a woman who cannot orgasm unless she is being choked? That is incredibly dangerous.

I don't think anyone should be shamed for something that excites them sexually.

@CombatBarbie, you might want to clarify that statement, because there are definitely things that excite people sexually that they should be shamed for.

It is not about shame, it is about honesty. This man needed to be more honest about what he needed or claimed to need.

The way he has gone about it is dishonest, and emotionally cruel. You do not string someone along like this and then try and manipulate things to your satisfaction.

OMFG OP!!!!!! what a nutter he has turned out to be. He doesn't like taking No for an answer, does he? - which is somewhat worrying.

It's hard to image an adult with such a profound lack of awareness. Actually quite troubling.

So when he said he wanted to see a Domme/Mistress and there would be no physical touching, he lied? Pegging is a common kink and not for everyone, I get that but he couldnt see a Domme to get his fix without a sexual act. I suspect he has more than one kink if thats the case. He can live without one but not the other.

But just to play a little devil's advocate, if he had told you in the early stages and you'd had a conversation, would his suggestion also have been a deal breaker. Im not sticking up for him but if in all other aspects hes great, could you have dealt with that. Even if it meant you were aware of it but didn't want to know when he was doing it.

There's been threads on here about finding out men being caught using these kinds of services as it wont happen at home but the OP at the time has said they thought they had the perfect relationship.

Kinks have been around for 100s if not 1000s of years but always been taboo or never spoken about. I don't think anyone should be shamed for something that excites them sexually. I know several woman that prefer anal to vaginal sex for example. I know someone that cannot orgasm unless shes being choked out, Its not just men.....

I very much doubt he's been kink-free for the past 8 months. Most men wouldn't even know about dominatrices - this is clearly a big part of his life.

What are you telling your parents?

Ah, fair enough - I missed that.

Why?

Some closeted gay men are womens biggest oppressors, honestly, framing making their wives peg them is being 'open minded'

Glad youve freed yourself op

He was trying to from them too.

Revisiting other options as your dismissed them due to having kids already, don't be pushed into that / them as you're anxious due to running out of time etc. you want your own kids and there's nothing wrong with that.

This is a sensible move - most likely it won't be necessary, but better safe than sorry.

FFS! Even after you dumping him OMG. It’s awful to think he’s basically been grooming you OP & it’s all been carefully calculated.

I know it's not something you want but keep his last message just incase Op, if you block him he might turn up in person, threatening to tell the police might make him get the message

Dunno OP, i'm not sure I could indulge a partner who couldn't go without bathing in beans for more than a couple of months at a time.

😂😂😂

Absoluetely. Its calculated love bombing with a view to do this later down the road. Super ick.

He was probably relying on the emotional investment she had already made. Very manipulative indeed.

I know, it’s mad isn’t it! He sounds like a one track mind moron.

I wonder if he thought 'I've achieved what I set out to do. She's primed, groomed and locked in now. Here comes phase two' after it went well with your parents.

Well done for not being sucked in. You could have saved yourself decades of misery.