To expect people to be upfront with any ‘kinks’

What a liar.

I'm far from prudish yet I find the term kink becoming more & more acceptable. One person's kink is another person's perversion. I'd run a mile OP.

I think it's unlikely it's the first time he's done this, and I'd report the continued unwanted contact to the police - it might add to an existing file on him.

Still zero regard for what he did to you & only writing to assuage his own feelings of guilt (?) Actually no he’s just disappointed his little plan to snare you very nearly worked & he’s pissed at that. He doesn’t get the nice wife material & prostitute to peg him after all. Absolutely no way as a PP suggested up thread you missed signs OP. This was deliberate deception & carefully constructed grooming & manipulation. Not your fault! Raise a glass to yourself. Love to know what your parents said. But maybe you can’t go there. I think as many people should be told about these creeps though. There’s clearly more of them about now “kink” culture has become so normalised through porn culture. With very entitled views about their rights to our bodies & their fetishes. I really feel for younger women & what they now have to contend with, no doubt gaslit into feeling they can’t be “vanilla” in the bedroom & obligated to indulge in breath “play” (can’t stand that word) & worse. Perhaps they’ll develop skills to assert themselves as they’ll encounter all of this maybe earlier on?? Or get manipulated like OP by a duplicitous creep. Good riddance OP.

You are better well out of it.

The pegging would likely only be the start. It may then lead to him dressing up in women’s clothing, wanting you to humiliate him. Probably fisting and then cuckolding where he wants another guy involved.

You definitely dodged a bullet. As per PP, i would keep the letter as you'd already explicitly told him not to contact you. I would also now, whilst everything is fresh, write a detailed account of the breakup, his subsequent communications and yours, just in case its ever needed. Hopefully you won't ever need it and never hear from him again, but just in case he continues contacting you, i'd be going to the police with it for harassment.

Christ, he'll be sending you educational photos of his discreet encounters next.

Thank goodness you dodged this bullet, OP!

Better luck next time 💐

Well-done op !!
U dodged a bullet there !!!

I'd burn that letter and think of spell so he lost his sex drive hahahahah id ove to b a witch 🧹 🪄 xxxx

He sounds quite deranged. He had to pay a woman to stick something up his arse because he was feeling frustrated about something? That's psychopathic territory IMO.

Do you think there might have been some red flags that you didn't notice throughout the relationship?

God. What a contemptible man. He doesn’t need closure, this letter is for him and not you, and what a boundary pusher he is. He would have slowly ruined your life and self esteem.

Do not read anything else he sends you and be prepared to go to the police. This letter is all part of his gratification.

I hope he actually moves on. Swiftly.

Omg. That's awful but also unsurprising.

Do not get rid of the letter though.

You told him once not to contact you again. He has ignored this and written this letter because he couldn't respect you - this is a man with urges he apparently can't resist and control by his own admission. He doesn't respect other people's boundaries. He has weird fixations.

What if this doesn't give him closure and he feels he needs to say something further? Just for the record or his mental health... Or because you have done exactly as instructed and haven't replied.

He wants you to reply btw. Don't.

A second contact after an explicit request to stop contact constitutes harassment.

Hopefully he will fuck off permanently now, but honestly I don't think you can rule this out with his behaviour. So keep the letter and get yourself STI tests.

You definitely dodged a bullet.

The fact he skulked around behind your back and then landed it on you directly after meeting your parents, assuming you’d be too embarrassed to end things, shows he’s an absolute waste of space.

I would get yourself a really decent set of STI tests (basic ones don’t usually cover throat for women). Whilst many of the ‘mistress’ style sex workers don’t have intimate contact with the men, some do. And you don’t know what else he may have been doing behind your back.

Its not homophobic to state that a man who:

Wants to be penetrated with a rubber penis
Pursues an adult woman who wants to have children
Does not disclose this to the woman he is dating until he is sure he has hooked her
Tells her she's closed minded for not wanting to do this, and should be grateful for him wanting her, given her age

Is gay and a misogynist.

If you want to peg men, go ahead, I see nothing wrong with it 🤷‍♀️

There are plenty of bisexual men who are open about liking female and male anatomy. Fair play to them, why not.

But a man who has behaved like this, in my view, is gay, cannot accept it and so expects women to peg him and like it, or at least be grateful that a man wants them, which makes them misogynistic, and oppressive to kind trusting women

I dont know about lesbian sex, I wish them the best, but in my opinion, this isnt the same. There isn't a man preying on a woman's kindness in such a scenario.

You are making homophobic remarks. They also don’t make any sense. By your logic a lesbian who wants a “rubber penis” is actually a straight woman.

I’ll be surprised if the OP comes back to this thread. It isn’t really about her any more.

😄😄😄

@AllBranGirl I have to respect someone as stubborn as me. Let's leave it now?

Stop it you two!!!! 🤣🤣

Omg

Let go.

I stand by my point, and I am not lesbian phobic - members of the gay community have given so much to my people (avid tv watchers and gif users) - and even if they hadn't, I dont care what someone does with a dildo. I only care how men use women's kindness and open mindedness to oppress them.

Now, boss of mumsnet, do I need to keep repeating myself? I thought we were clear on where we stand

Me posting and you, head mn user, 'allowing me to'

Anyone who is taking such a risk with their partner should absolutely be shamed

this so called kink is shameful as its violent and the risk is so high

it shows how desensitised many have now become around such practices and this is down to porn. It wasn’t that long ago when a few famous people died through acting out such practices and vast majority thought wtf were they doing

no partner who respects their partners welfare would do this and I feel sorry for you friend but I would be telling her straight no one who truly cared about her would do this as it is never ever safe

Honestly, all this just because you failed to understand your comments about being penetrated by a plastic penis was wildly lesbian phobic x

Amazing, glad weve finally cleared this up.

You can stay 😀

Not really 😭😭 we're just going round in circles

Report dont report, its up to you, mumsnet boss, you decide who stays and who goes

This has escalated from Report if you want, I dont care
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣