To expect people to be upfront with any ‘kinks’

I’d just end it tbh.

This subject will come up again and again. It will never be enough for him. He’ll want it more and more often.

It’s quite a big deal what he has asked for. It’s not a small, light, fun thing. It’s pretty serious and 100% ok not to want to do that.

So I would say look that’s never going to happen so up to you where we go from here. Leave the ball in his court.

Dump him. He’s trying to manipulate you into doing something you don’t want to. The language he used would have made me dump him on the spot (the pathetic “all my exes were fine with it” crap).

Yuk - for the coercive language if nothing else. Throw him back.

If he can't live without this thing (and how often would you be expected to damp down your feelings and join in?) and you can't contemplate doing it, then you are not compatible and you should split.

If he tries to coerce you IN ANY WAY then you should split.

If he springs it on you when you are not expecting it? leave immediately and end it.

Life is about compromises sometimes, but if you have a line, you don't have to bend it for anyone at all.

So glad I was brought up by a foreign grandmother (my mum's mum). Because of that when I got asked out, I said during the first few dates that I am not dating, I am future husband interviewing. On the first date I also said that I am not sleeping before marriage, I am not looking 'to have a good time' which usually equals for a man living with him, giving him sex and other comforts without any obligations on his part, etc. I also specified my sex preferences during those few dates. My fully English friends called me a 'freak' and I could not give less of a shit.

Shoot from the hip! That way you won't waste your precious time on a bloke only to discover 'he has a marriage phobia', 'a piece of paper does not make any difference in his mind', or 'he likes threesomes'. Why the fuck should you indulge him if this is not your thing? Like why????

Yeah they like it because its humiliating to be dominated by a woman because women are 'less than'

Other kinks like dressing as a woman share the same root.

Perhaps meeting your parents allowed him to feel "we've taken a step foward in this relationship, she wants to be with me, I can trust her, I can open up about what I would like".

There's no right or wrong answer. Except to keep talking to him about what he can do without, about how far you're prepared to go, about where a compromise can be - if you individually or both feel there can be a relationship with a sexual compromise.

If he thought you would enjoy doing it he would have bought it up much sooner than 8 months in.

He’s not going to find a woman willing to peg him on there.

I find it manipulative when there isn't kink disclosure early on. If it's something he can't live without, it's more than a simple, enjoyable kink and he was trying to get you emotionally invested so you would be more likely to go along rather than break up. To reveal right after he met your parents, what the fuck.

I'd be done.

If you're pegging he can't see your face (usually!).

I don't think it's about "open mindedness" necessarily as I think it is absolutely fine to judge a kink, just as you might judge any action a person takes. It's part of deciding whether your values align, especially as some kinks are misogynist and/or racist.

This dude's kink isn't, thankfully! Is it really a kink even? If the arse is a pleasurable place for some men, isn't it just liking a particular type of stimulation? Or is the kink element wanting you involved, as opposed to him just wanking with a butt plug?

Like PP said, I think it's the language and the timing which are most concerning here, rather than the desire for pegging.

Obviously..that's why they leave it so late to tell you
They know full well you would run a mile at first
So they wait for you to develop feelings and then tell you
Dump and run from this one
Next time ..ask before you sleep together,if they are into anything different and tell them if they disclose something later down the down the line without telling u now ,it's instantly over

Difficult to know where the lines are drawn.
Some on here seem to think a bit of oral or their husband masturbating crosses a line.
Eurovision it's fine to say "choke me" which most actual kinksters regard as unsafe. Bondage / SM / leather/latex -- appear in a high proportion of pop videos.
some of these may be things to try, a genuine fetish would assume larger importance than sex itself.

Which of course might be true, or might be the reason they are ex.

This. What a manipulative bastard.

If he can't live without it, its not a kink. Its a fetish. And fetishes are all consuming.

Agree with previous poster that people with fetishes should stick to fetish specific sites.

I'm so glad I did my dating before online porn exploded and there was this increase in man who had porn wrecked themselves.

As for you OP, I'd take the initiative in any new dating and after a couple of months just be upfront about your experiences with men declaring fetishes down the line and ask your date to tell you know if he had any fetishes or kinks he needs to declare.

To offer an alternative view, the kink itself wouldn’t be an issue for me but any ‘I’d struggle to go without’ reference I think is highly manipulative and I’d reconsider the relationship for that alone.

For me a sex act that is a deal breaker if you won't do it has to be discussed very shortly after you start having sex, the longer the wait the less acceptable it is.

Sounds like a square peg in a round hole….

i socialise in a scene where we're mostly very kink tolerant/forward, and part of dating within that scene is being very open and honest about likes/dislikes and boundaries.

I couldn't imagine dating and exploring sexually without having that kind of conversation first, and bringing it up later when emotional relationships have been established would be an absolute deal breaker.

I love my husband, having been with him for nigh on twenty years, and we have both tried all sorts of things in mutual fun (and found most of them to be unnecessary).

But I don't have to try buggering him to know that I'm not going to enjoy anything about it - and it would probably give me the massive ick, which I'd then have to try to come back from. Sometimes you don't have to try something to know that you won't like it.

My ex husband waited until he had trapped me into marriage before revealing his and forcing me to do it because “if I loved him I would want to” by the time I left and divorced him I honestly though I would never want to have any kind of sexual relationship with anyone again I was so degraded and desensitised by years of it.

If someone new reveals something you think you’re not ok with. Leave. It’s not your problem. Each to their own. But do not try and force yourself to like something you know deep down isn’t for you.

Eight months of wasting his and your time is frustrating.

My partner told me before we’d even met in person - there’s no point bearing around the bush. We all have 1 precious life. Fortunately, I share his ‘kink’.

Nobody should be forced to do anything that they're not comfortable with bit sometimes you don't know you like things until you've actually tried it with someone you love?
Obviously anything that makes you feel unsafe is a big no no but if you love this man, would it not be worth a try? Seeing how much he enjoys something that you do to him might make you feel differently about the act in its crude sense of description if everything else in the relationship is spot on?

How do you get that from Eurovision? 🤔

I think it depends what it is. It would be a bit weird to tell someone you just met imo and I guess people are embarrassed about it too.