Page 10 | To expect people to be upfront with any ‘kinks’

Laurennnworld · 2026-05-17T12:14:48+00:00

This has happened twice now in recent relationships - the men I am with waiting many months to reveal ‘kinks’. Now, I am not saying this should be revealed upfront on date 1, obviously not. But with my ex, he told me after 5 months. My current boyfriend, we are nearly 8 months in. He met my parents yesterday, we had a lovely afternoon with them and came back to mine to watch Eurovision. He then revealed something which he says he’d struggle to go without longer term. No judgement, but not really my thing. I could indulge it occasionally of course. But I wish he told me a few months ago when it would have been easier to cut things off. Has anyone else experienced this? I am now in a conundrum.

teaandtoastwouldbenice · 18/05/2026 09:23

watching Eurovision and asking for anal would suggest to me he isn’t certain about his sexuality but maybe that’s a stretch.
Don't do what doesn’t turn you on.

allthingsinmoderation · 18/05/2026 09:21

Laurennnworld · 18/05/2026 08:38

Thank you for all the supportive replies.

I had a good cry last night and messaged him to say it’s over. He sent a long reply again, the summary basically being that he feels I am being really prudish to not at least try it and that given my age I am really going to be limiting my options of who would be in a relationship with me longer term. So he said his ‘advice’ to me would be to be broader minded. I’ve ignored him, I am done with it.

His message just clarified that you have made exactly the correct decision.
My "advice" to him is not to be judgemental of others standards and boundaries.
Shaming me or name calling will not change my No or move my boundary.
Im leaving you because you do not respect my boundaries.
I would add that limited options are preferable to wrong for me options.
I would say trying to shame and manipulate me to change my boundaries is a deal breaker.
Good luck .

BunnyLake · 18/05/2026 09:16

Beachtastic · 18/05/2026 09:15

@satsumas26

You have a right to know before you get in too deep

I wish you could rephrase that a little 😖🫣🤮🤣

😂

Beachtastic · 18/05/2026 09:15

@satsumas26

You have a right to know before you get in too deep

I wish you could rephrase that a little 😖🫣🤮🤣

Lovestospotabullfinch · 18/05/2026 09:15

Omg!!! I feel for you so much and your parents who he conned as well. It beggers belief it really does about what you were asked to indulge in the first place but to then go on and give you relationship advice to suit his own needs and ego! I couldn’t drop my jaw fair enough to the floor. Darling girl, you have more integrity in your pinky than this man has in his whole body! Leave him be to indulge his exithole to his hearts content! He’s a wrong un!

BountifulPantry · 18/05/2026 09:14

There are nice men out there.

I would be very upfront with the next one early on re kinks, sex life etc. You can even say the last guy I was with we were together 8 months and then he sprang on me he liked pegging. Speak now or forever hold your peace- I don’t want to waste anyone’s time.

This shouldn’t be necessary but I think for you it is!

Beachtastic · 18/05/2026 09:12

I bet Fred West used to tell that to all the ladies.

Blimey what a catch.

Ohhhh OP. Big hugs, onwards and upwards.

I promise there are some nice men out there!

Original poster

Laurennnworld · 18/05/2026 09:10

ConstitutionHill · 18/05/2026 09:02

Sorry OP, but you've dodged a bullet.

Im struggling to understand how a pegging kink, could be fulfilled with a mistress, fully clothed? Do they just talk about it and he "sorts himself"? 😢 I say the internet has a lot to answer for!

Also, he told you that all of his exes were fine with it. Now it transpires that at least one of them was not, they apparently just tolerated the "mistress" - so which was it? He's being bendy with the truth here.

She’d be clothed, he wouldn’t.

I don’t believe a word he says re. his exes. He’s always been a bit vague on the details. Of course one of them was a psycho ex too.

OP posts:

cheezncrackers · 18/05/2026 09:09

Laurennnworld · 18/05/2026 08:57

Yeah I am going to be more direct earlier on about these things for sure, lesson learnt.

It feels the decent men are harder to find. To be honest, I have discounted 2/3 who seemed really decent because they already had kids. I think I was probably too judgmental so need to revisit that thought process.

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It really is okay to be picky OP. It sounds like you're maybe early 30s yourself - a lot of guys won't have kids at that age (and I would never have wanted to be a stepmum, having been a stepkid). There are guys out there who don't already have kids and who don't want to be fucked up the arse with a dildo and/or get a sex worker to oblige them if you're not willing - honest

BunnyLake · 18/05/2026 09:02

Laurennnworld · 18/05/2026 08:58

He’s 34.

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There are going to be decades ahead of him that he’s going to be indulging in this. Fine if he’s with someone eho doesn’t mind but a nightmare for someone who doesn’t want to be a part of it.

I’d have dumped him too and his attacking words wouldn’t hurt me because I know they’re coming from a manipulative tantrum.

ConstitutionHill · 18/05/2026 09:02

Sorry OP, but you've dodged a bullet.

Im struggling to understand how a pegging kink, could be fulfilled with a mistress, fully clothed? Do they just talk about it and he "sorts himself"? 😢 I say the internet has a lot to answer for!

Also, he told you that all of his exes were fine with it. Now it transpires that at least one of them was not, they apparently just tolerated the "mistress" - so which was it? He's being bendy with the truth here.

Original poster

Laurennnworld · 18/05/2026 08:58

BunnyLake · 18/05/2026 08:57

How old is he?

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He’s 34.

OP posts:

Original poster

Laurennnworld · 18/05/2026 08:57

satsumas26 · 18/05/2026 08:55

^ 100%

sorry to hear - he was really mean and manipulative leaving it so long and waiting to meet your parents etc

you’ve made the right choice - never look back

if he could keep this apparently big thing to himself for 8 months he’s got a lot of capacity for deception and you would never have been happy

the sex worker is 🤮

I know how hard it is to be out there dating, but trust me there ARE decent men out there

btw, this is totally on these two men but I think in future you should ask (grill) about this early on (like 2-3 months in) - sexual stuff and ‘anything you should know’ . You have a right to know before you get in too deep

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Yeah I am going to be more direct earlier on about these things for sure, lesson learnt.

It feels the decent men are harder to find. To be honest, I have discounted 2/3 who seemed really decent because they already had kids. I think I was probably too judgmental so need to revisit that thought process.

OP posts:

BunnyLake · 18/05/2026 08:57

Laurennnworld · 18/05/2026 08:53

That’s what hurts the most, nearly a year wasted.

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How old is he?

satsumas26 · 18/05/2026 08:55

JustAnotherWhinger · 18/05/2026 08:49

What a prick.

He’s got some brass neck giving you advice about how to not be single given he’s just been dumped, and none of the exes who were apparently fine with it have stuck around either

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^ 100%

sorry to hear - he was really mean and manipulative leaving it so long and waiting to meet your parents etc

you’ve made the right choice - never look back

if he could keep this apparently big thing to himself for 8 months he’s got a lot of capacity for deception and you would never have been happy

the sex worker is 🤮

I know how hard it is to be out there dating, but trust me there ARE decent men out there

btw, this is totally on these two men but I think in future you should ask (grill) about this early on (like 2-3 months in) - sexual stuff and ‘anything you should know’ . You have a right to know before you get in too deep

Rubbleonthedouble2 · 18/05/2026 08:54

Laurennnworld · 18/05/2026 08:38

Thank you for all the supportive replies.

I had a good cry last night and messaged him to say it’s over. He sent a long reply again, the summary basically being that he feels I am being really prudish to not at least try it and that given my age I am really going to be limiting my options of who would be in a relationship with me longer term. So he said his ‘advice’ to me would be to be broader minded. I’ve ignored him, I am done with it.

What a foul little man. He knew exactly what he was doing all along and is throwing a hissy fit that you're not easily manipulated and is attacking you exactly where he knows it'll hurt!

Original poster

Laurennnworld · 18/05/2026 08:53

UninitendedShark · 18/05/2026 08:51

You dodged a bullet. Sorry he’s led you up the garden path though.

That’s what hurts the most, nearly a year wasted.

OP posts:

BunnyLake · 18/05/2026 08:52

JustAnotherWhinger · 18/05/2026 08:49

What a prick.

He’s got some brass neck giving you advice about how to not be single given he’s just been dumped, and none of the exes who were apparently fine with it have stuck around either

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I think I’d send one last message ‘If anyone is going to stay single it appears to be you! Your exes didn’t stay did they! 🙄 Over and Out!

Then block.

UninitendedShark · 18/05/2026 08:51

You dodged a bullet. Sorry he’s led you up the garden path though.

MandarinLime · 18/05/2026 08:50

JustAnotherWhinger · 18/05/2026 08:49

What a prick.

He’s got some brass neck giving you advice about how to not be single given he’s just been dumped, and none of the exes who were apparently fine with it have stuck around either

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True

BunnyLake · 18/05/2026 08:49

RedToothBrush · 18/05/2026 08:02

Hey Darling

I love you and want to be with you for ever and ever even though I said I couldn't live without my kink, and I'm suddenly completely sincere despite my earlier ultimatum.

And btw you know this love you for ever and ever happy ever after stuff with marriage, do you think you could throw in a sex worker so I can get my rocks off because you aren't going to satisfy me enough.

My Ex was fine with all of this. Honestly I've no idea why we split up, we were both so happy and compatible. You are a cool girl too aren't you? You are going to stroke my ego and support my pervy feeling and will be happy to spend our family money on an expensive pass time that destroys your self esteem and self worth and any trust we have between us. It's a worthwhile investment. And you will continue to prioritise this financially and emotionally when our first baby comes along won't you? I'm sure your Dad will approve when I ask for your hand in marriage

My wonderful support human who selflessly is prepared to indulge my bloated entitlement to women as a commodity

Love you darling

Richard

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Richard (aka Dick).

JustAnotherWhinger · 18/05/2026 08:49

Laurennnworld · 18/05/2026 08:38

Thank you for all the supportive replies.

I had a good cry last night and messaged him to say it’s over. He sent a long reply again, the summary basically being that he feels I am being really prudish to not at least try it and that given my age I am really going to be limiting my options of who would be in a relationship with me longer term. So he said his ‘advice’ to me would be to be broader minded. I’ve ignored him, I am done with it.

What a prick.

He’s got some brass neck giving you advice about how to not be single given he’s just been dumped, and none of the exes who were apparently fine with it have stuck around either

BunnyLake · 18/05/2026 08:47

Laurennnworld · 18/05/2026 08:38

Thank you for all the supportive replies.

I had a good cry last night and messaged him to say it’s over. He sent a long reply again, the summary basically being that he feels I am being really prudish to not at least try it and that given my age I am really going to be limiting my options of who would be in a relationship with me longer term. So he said his ‘advice’ to me would be to be broader minded. I’ve ignored him, I am done with it.

He just gets worse doesn’t he! I’ve managed to have 40 years of relationships and not one of them had a kink.

Block him now so you don’t have to put up with any more of his BS.

Whataflippincircus · 18/05/2026 08:43

What an absolute tosser he is. You are well rid of him. It’s not just his kink, it’s his casual mention of a mistress and his appalling attitude. 💐

Original poster

Laurennnworld · 18/05/2026 08:38

Thank you for all the supportive replies.

I had a good cry last night and messaged him to say it’s over. He sent a long reply again, the summary basically being that he feels I am being really prudish to not at least try it and that given my age I am really going to be limiting my options of who would be in a relationship with me longer term. So he said his ‘advice’ to me would be to be broader minded. I’ve ignored him, I am done with it.

OP posts: