AIBU to expect my ex to tell me about overnight trips?

You think that dad, new partner & baby should've taken mum with them?
But sorry it's madness.

OP are you annoyed at him, or a bit annoyed at yourself and you're projecting? You've never taken him away because you think hes too young. Are you upset that your ex has taken away a special "first" from you?

You're absolutely still being unreasonable- but im just trying to understand and place the feelings.

You’re being unreasonable but I wonder if these feelings are pangs of jealousy that you’re not there during these “happy” moments for your son which honestly, I’d understand feeling left out but

You are being unreasonable
Your DS is not too little for overnight stays at 4
Your ex doesn’t need permission from you or the go ahead on plans during his allocated time

I couldn’t begrudge my little one of a good time, I’m sure he had a lot of fun. Ex obviously did it for your joint DS as his other son is too little, I think you’re being mean x

I would want to know where my child was. Especially at four.
I dont know what the answer is but I don’t think co parenting that we have as a modern society works well for young children. It’s so bizarre to have to entrust your child - your most precious thing - to someone, without any intervention on your part, to someone you don’t really trust. The end of a relationship sort of means by definition that the trust bond is broken so how on earth you then go forward as two independent parents I don’t know. I think there’s not much time between your son and the new baby either tbh. That’s shit from your ex. I have a 4yo and all this happening when he is 2-3 would be super disruptive for him. I suspect his dad is quite unaware of that based on that he’s clearly (married?) had another baby pretty quickly. I agree that he sounds irresponsible but not entirely for the same reasons you give in your post. I think actually you should’ve gone with them to the Thomas thing. That would have been the most beneficial for your son at 4. Requires a lot of maturity from a adults involved when they are this young imo.

More honey less vinegar. You will be co-parenting your child for many many years.

Your ex is not a babysitter, he is a coparent to your shared child. He doesn’t need your permission to take said child on a family trip. Legally or morally. Maybe he might have mentioned it to you before in conversation with you, if you were a reasonable person, but you’re clearly not. You kicked off about a day trip to cadburys world not long ago.

I don’t think he needs to ask your permission at all. I do think you should know though, as his mother, you should know where your child is.

4 is not too young for overnight stays. My daughter is 3 1/2 and we’ve been away for 1-3 nights away several times.

Of course yabvu

Your analogy is ridiculous!If the DF wants to take him away, he can, if that’s to Drayton Manor or hiking in Scotland it’s irrelevant (assuming it’s safe), why would you want an ongoing battle about what can or cannot be done with someone so unreasonable that they don’t want the child to go to a child centric day, because they don’t think it’s appropriate? I mean what could possibly be more appropriate for a child than a visit to Drayton Manor.

You can’t reason with crazy, so why would you bother trying?

The terrible accident involving their son would happen if OP knows or not, why do you think knowing they were going to Drayton Manor and her objecting would stop in happening?

This!

YABU. He can plan whatever he wants in his time with the child, and so can you. I'd be happy my child had a great time, instead of complaining.

Why on earth do you think it's wrong?

Surely you must be happy your son gets such nice treats like these?

Can I ask why you don't agree with random nights away? Only because he's not in school yet, and your ex has him for the two days after they've been away in the case you've described, so he'd be dealing with tired or grumpy kids if it really effected your sons behaviour or something, before your son came to you.

Are you planning on having more children with your partner, and does he have any kids?

The only time he has to tell you is if he plans to take the child abroad. In those circumstances he will need written permission from you. Otherwise it is up to your ex how he chooses to spend his time with his son.

What is really the matter here? You’re hurting. Is it because your son is having some lovely times and you’re not there? I can understand that. Try to see it through the lens of your son having a lovely happy secure life with both his parents.
maybe ask yourself what you’re afraid of.
and reflect on it. And reassure yourself. You son loves you and you can never be replaced.

She said earlier in the post that she's taken her son on holiday but reckons one or two nights away will mess up his routine apparently-yet it's ok for her to take him on holidays away from home. Makes no sense to me. She's just being controlling

In the eyes of the CMS you are the RESIDENT parent due to the fact that your son sleeps in your home for one more night per week than he does at his dad's. The law certainly wouldn't state that you are the MAIN parent at all. Dad has equal parental responsibility in the eyes of the law. Also the law would also state that if he wanted to Dad could refuse to return your child home to your care and police wouldn't even get involved as it would be a civil matter and they'd tell you to take him to court to get him back if he were to not bring him home to you. You absolutely have no right to tell your ex where he can or cannot take his child during his time with him just because the CMS orders him to give you child maintenance

I don't know how to vote as I think he should have let you know they were going away, but he definitely doesn't need to ask your permission to do so.

I think you need to learn to let go a little bit. I know you said you are the main parent, but your ex actually spends more time with your child as he has him on the weekends. So I think you need to consider him an equal parent, even if the law says otherwise. He obviously knows and loves your child just as well and much as you do.

I do think you have a right to know if he's taking him away though. It is just common courtesy, really.

This is bonkers. You ex doesn't need permission to take (both of) your son away. I agree that it'd be good practice for him to tell you where your son is going to be but quite honestly you sound very controlling so I can't blame him for not telling you.
He sounds like a great dad. Don't make trouble where there is none.

You’ve never taken him away overnight? Poor kid. You all need to live a little. Mine were traveling internationally solo with me or with Dh and I together from 8 months. I don’t necessarily even ask my own husband for permission to go away solo with our dc. Obviously, I do tell him, but sometimes I book things and tell him later. He’s missing out being stuck at home all the time. Well done to your ex for planning something so fun for him.

Honestly, yes you're overreacting. And main parent doesn't mean more important or that you have more rights. Either of you should be able to take the child away without having to clear it with the other person first - unless it's overseas. Overnight trips are fine at any age - unless there are other considerations, such as additional needs. Is the issue that you would have wanted to do it first? There's no reason why you can't plan your own trip, but his dad has just as much right to take him away as you do.

Ey?!? Bonkers.

You are exceptionally unreasonable. On all levels.

Thank god your son has his dad is all I can say

You are overreacting!!

Why are you the " main" parent? And nothing wrong with taking the child away . I'm not surprised your ex doesn't tell you TBH if you are that strange about things like being too young for an overnight trip.

Don't you go on holiday?

Main parent?????, wow that is your problem. You need to understand parenting in your case is shared