AIBU to expect my ex to tell me about overnight trips?

He does not need your permission , do you ask your ex what you can do or where you can go? ..

I also noticed that. 😅

It would be good form to let you know if they’re going away, but he doesn’t need your ‘permission’, OP. And after you kicked off about the day trip to the well-known gateway drug that is Cadbury’s World, I don’t blame him for keeping schtum.

All that’s going to happen is your son will learn to be very circumspect in what he tells you.

You are out of line. But I understand your anxiety. Sort of.

I would actually apologise. I'd do that and then ask, simply out of courtesy, if ex could please let you know when he takes DS away anywhere overnight. I think you have a right to know where your child is but ex does not need your permission. I'd be livid with you.

No, he sends child maintenance because your son is with you slightly more than he is with you. In the eyes of the law you are certainly equal parents. For example, if there was a dispute about which school your son goes to, your wishes wouldn't automatically override his.

Hmm you don't know how long ago the op and her ex split. Maybe the child was only a baby and doesn't actually remember his parents being together

And gaining a sibling at age 2-3 is pretty average is say.

And why hell would the op be going to the thomas thing with ex and his family That's just weird. The child spends half his life with his father. It's not as though he's a stranger

Too young at 4 to go away on an overnight trip with his father? Sorry, but I think that's quite strange. I was taking my son away at 6 months old to visit relatives etc.

What a bizarre take on it all, the OP is clearly ghastly why would anyone want her around them ?

It's only a ridiculous one if the child is being neglected or unhappy

It feels like your concerns stem from anxiety about not being able to help your child if they needed you?

it is important to understand and accept that you are not the main parent. You are the resident parent, your responsibility is exactly equal to his father and you decide each what you do when your son is in your care. Provided there is nothing unsafe going on (which a family holiday to Thomas land doesn’t sound like anything of the sort) then you don’t have any grounds to attempt dictate anything.

no court is going to back you up on this either, it sounds like you would benefit from some counselling or support to help you cope with these times where you maybe feel out of control like this?

Yoh have absolutely no say in what he does on his time with his son.

i also don't get why you were angry about it ? He had a great time

In general it's a good co-parenting relationship if you can talk to each other about things like this. If nothing else it saves one parent booking the same trip as the other one did 3 days ago. However, if you want this then both parties have to behave in a constructive way. Nothing you've said here suggests you wouldn't kick up a fuss about XPs plans, so of course he's not going to choose to tell you about them when he doesn't have to.

Even if you are the MAIN PARENT in way you think you are, this does not come with a right to know what he is doing on Dads time. And its obvious you want to know because you plan to object. You would seriously deprive a kid the utter joy of Drayton Manor just because of a slight change in routine? You need to get a grip.

He actually sounds like a bloody great dad, I think it’s so lovely when my children’s dad takes them anywhere! Do you struggle when things are ‘sprung’ on you? Honestly, if you have these thoughts in the future maybe try and work through it, speak to a friend regarding your concerns, as it’ll only make yours and his relationship tense if you try to control what he’s doing with his own son!

No he doesn't need to ask permission. However, he should tell you where they are going, when we go away with my step daughter we always tell her Mum ahead of time, that's just common courtesy.

I knew someone would come up with this ridiculous one

of course it’s her business as it’s her ex’s business when their ds is with his other parent you don’t stop being a parent just because they are with their other parent

back to op I think he should have told you and that you should have that level of communication and likewise you inform him of going away but that he didn’t I don’t think is worth getting so angry about just a reminder you would like to know when he goes away it’s perfectly reasonable

sounds like you ds had a lovely time don’t spoil it for him he will pick up on something being wrong and think he has done something wrong

OP, you are both equal parents, there is no such thing as "custody" or "main parent" - you are classed as "resident parent" but even then its just to indicate that your DC spends more nights with you, nothing else. Your arrangement is more like 50/50, or very close. I can't imagine he pays much, given your DC spends 3 nights at his.

But I can understand you might feel unsettled by not knowing where you DC went, I can understand this - I would say have a polite and calm word with your ex and ask him to let you know in advance.

You can't stop your child having good time with his dad, and you are very silly re: overnight trips.

Edited to add: your ex sounds like a great dad, you should not interfere or try to damage his relationship with your DC. You will be thankful for this when your DC is older and you will be praying for his dad to do half of parenting!

He has done nothing wrong at all.

Instead of complaining you should be pleased that your ex has a good relationship with his DC. Some men walk away without a backward glance. You son is happy, he has a great Dad. Stop behaving like the psycho ex

It’s neither here nor there that you are the “main parent” you both share equal parental responsibility and therefore what your child father does in his contact time has nothing to do with you.

Essentially and most importantly UK law supports this, that both parents, can each make day to day independent decisions during their own contact time, as the child’s father he does not need to seek permission from you as to what he does during his contact time.

It’s neither here nor there that you are the “main parent” you both share equal parental responsibility and therefore what your sons father does in his contact time has nothing to do with you and nor does he need to seek permission from you to have fun with his own son.

YAABU!

I’m divorced and my ex is an arse (otherwise we wouldn’t be divorced) but I do not expect him to ask “permission” to take the kids somewhere in the UK overnight. We do inform each other out of courtesy if we are taking the kids away but permission is not required. I suspect your attitude is why your ex did not inform you before. You cannot stop your child going away for the night in the UK and more importantly it is not in his best interests to do so. Think of your child, not yourself.

This isn’t the point of the post but just worth noting re “and I get time to relax with my partner” - he gets no time to relax, he’s working 3 x 12 hour days and then has a couple of hours before he’s on with two kids. You have 4 nights but he has 3 that are much more full on. In the eyes of the law you are “main” as you have more nights but I’d say he’s got what can be a much harder stint. Weekend days with kids are fun but they are long.

This is not a view held by many. You are upset that you don’t have control over all the decisions made for your child. I can appreciate that you do find that difficult.
in your situation you cannot have full control. It would be ideal to be informed in advance but your reaction has probably meant you won’t be informed. He does not need to ask your permission. Your child is happy. That’s good.

You are being ridiculous, it would be nice for him to let you know but I can see why he didn’t if you have reacted this way.

4 isn’t too young to go away for the night, sounds like they planned it around your son.

Why does he need permission...he is your son's dad. Do you ask permission to take your son places too. That's silly. It be nice to know but he doesn't need to ask permission

What an absolute bastard he is. A monster of a man, taking his son to do fun things like that.

You surely know you're being ridiculous, no? He doesn't need to ask your permission. He's your son's legal parent and has every right that you have. 4 is absolutely not too young for overnight stays either.

At some point you're going to have to grow up and accept that you cannot control your ex, and nor should you. Be happy that he and your son have a good relationship and that your son is a part of his new family, is loved and is safe.