AIBU to expect my ex to tell me about overnight trips?

100% unreasonable. What he does on his days is his business.
Its courteous for him to let you know they would be away so you know where DS is but he doesn't have to ask permission what to do on his days.

Now is the best time for going away before they start school. We did lots of going away in the few months before starting school as I was on maternity leave to make the most of time.

You’ve missed the part that the DF may not trust the mother, who had also got a new partner that he may not trust.

Would you trust a mother who outsources all the leisure time that her DS has, because she wants to relax with her new partner?

She can relax whilst her DS is at school, she doesn’t work, but no she wants to also relax at the weekend.

Mean whilst dictating how her DS should be parented when she’s not there? because she’s oh so busy ….. relaxing!

From the information I’ve read, the DF and SM are far better suited to life with a small child, they even gave up the last part of SM maternity leave to give the DS a great weekend.

It would be courteous of him to let you know where he is taking your son if leaving the area, certainly if for overnights.
But I believe the Law states that he can take your child anywhere in the U.K. without your permission. Leaving the country is different and he has to have your written permission for that.

Presumably your son is starting school in September ? Will this current arrangement continue if you never seeing your son at weekends?! you only ever getting The tired stroppy after school version of your son?

Also, YABVVVVU to think a 4 year old is too young for overnight trips away with their own parent. That's absolutely nuts.

YANBU to expect to be informed. YABVVVU to demand "permission" though.

I do think it is reasonable for both parents to know where their child is in the country. However, you've probably got their backs up now by talking about "permission", so I think you will have to be quite contrite in the next conversation you have, where you can ask him, "please would you mind just letting me know if you take him away next time, and I promise to do the same with you if I ever take him away anywhere on my time, just so I know where he is if anything happened."

This has to be joke, surely? 🤣🤣🤣🤣 jealousy springs to mind.

Wow. Is this a joke? There’s so many mums on here who would love for their exs to spend time with their kids, love them, have fun with them, spend money and time on them. In fact some would give their right arm to have a kind and considerate dad who does this. And here you are moaning your ex is a good dad? Are you jealous he took him and had fun and you didn’t/couldn’t afford to/cba?

I wouldn’t blame SM for posting in here why is my DHs crazy ex wife moaning we took Ss to Drayton manor!! Get a grip lol

Your massively overeating and sounds like your depriving your child of having some fun. 4 is not to young for overnight trips! Saying that he should probably have give you the heads up but he shouldn’t have to ask permission for trips in the UK on his days. Your not his mum your his ex.

You sound like you may be bitter your son is out having fun with his Dad. He defo doesn’t need your permission, he has equal parental responsibility in the eyes of the law. Also a night away unsettled a 4 year old?!! My kids are 4 & 2 and love having nights in hotels or camping. We also take them on long haul holidays and they get over the jet lag way before us!

You think a 4yo is too young for overnight trips with their parent???

This only works where the parents are reasonable people and willing to co-parent. Given the OP has a controlling nature and has issues with her ex doing lovely things with their child, I'm not sure it'd work. Imagine the conversation "Hey OP, just as an FYI we are heading to Drayton Manor for the weekend with DC" and OP goes off on one causing stress for no reason

This makes me sad, firstly because the OP doesn't spend any weekend with her child and secondly because this is exactly how my brother's ex wife was. Needed her weekend time to relax but was a complete control freak about what he did with the children when he had them. Fast forward a few years the kids are now 15 and 20, they have a great relationship with their Dad and tolerate their Mum!

Your son has two parents, you aren’t “the main” one.

sounds like his dad did a lovely thing for him, I’m quite sure it wasn’t for his own benefit to stay in a Thomas the Tank engine hotel.

He doesn’t have to ask your permission to do nice stuff with his own child in his own parenting time.

You each could afford more disclosure, in the interests of knowing approx where your child is in case of emergency. It would. be polite to inform each other if you go away for a few days. It is not essential, however.

YABU to have had a baby with a man who you deem not responsible enough to take his child on a 3-hr car journey to a theme park. He’s not capable of taking a child to a hotel, yet you chose to have a baby with him?

It's so bizarre to entrust your child to their own father, the man you chose to impregnate you? What sort of nonsense is this? Can OP's ex decide he doesn't want to entrust his son with OP?

Oh you haven't met my husbands ex! 🙄

It doesn't matter who the child spends most nights with, unless removed by a judge both parents have equal parental responsibility and are equally responsible for the child, including making all decisions about their care, health, schooling, etc.

You don't get 'dibs' because you have the child stay at yours for a few more nights.

Your ex pays child support to even out costs for the child, not because you are in charge and the 'main' parent 🙄

Your child isn't a pawn to be used to get at your ex. His childhood is going to be long and difficult if you're going to pick fights with your ex about every little thing you can't control.

Posts like this make me really sad! You have a father who is proactive and doing things that are child focused and making the most of the time he spends with his child. He's not justdoing the bear minimum!!
You need to be careful that you don't come across as controlling, you have no more rights of the child than the father.
You have many years of co parenting be careful that you don't start something that snow balls out of control. Also be honest with yourself about why this bothers you, is there a level of jealousy in it?

This is another one of those wind up posts isn't it? Nobody can be this unreasonable?

This has "my kid is my whole world" vibes, except at the weekends of course.

You are being unreasonable. He took him to a childs theme park - not a brothel. Be thankful your child has a good caring dad in his life who didn't think oh it'll be easier/cheaper to do a trip without my child.

My oldest drove a full sized train aged 4, Thomas Land is tame by comparison!

My ex never mentioned it

How are you the main parent? You said ex has him Thursday to Sunday every week? That's 50/50. However, I do think he should let you know if they're travelling far away, I don't think he needs your permission, but it would be reasonable for him to mention it, should there be any emergencies.

Yep 👍