AIBU to expect my ex to tell me about overnight trips?

I don’t think the ex said it we none of her business??

what he did justifiably say is:-

I was so angry at my ex, telling him he should not be taking my DS away overnight without asking permission first. My ex did not agree and has said as his dad he is free to make plans on his days.

And he is free to make plans on his days, that’s a fact!

It sounds like you have some anxiety about being away from your son and not knowing where he might be when he isn't with you.
That is understandable, however I would try to work on it as it sounds like your DS had a great time away and your ex hasn't done anything wrong (at least, in this instance.)

Your ex is his parent just like you are, he has every right to take him away for the night whilst he has him. If going out of the country, I think you should be advised, but ask for permission, absolutely not!
I'm sure your son had a fab time and he is lucky to be experiencing it, seeing as you think that he is too young to have fun!

It would be polite to tell the parent of such a young child where their child is going to be. In both directions! So if you were taking him out of the local area it would be good to give his Dad a heads-up.

Ideally just for safety reasons -- so if, God forbid, anything goes wrong, your son's other parent has some idea of his whereabouts.

However it would be a heads-up rather than asking for permission. You couldn't stop him taking him anywhere in the country.

Could you just frame it as you'd just like to know where your son is if it's somewhere out of the ordinary? And that you'll do the same going forwards?

Also, taking the kid to stay in a Thomas-themed room at Drayton Manor sounds extremely sweet! Be grateful your kid has a Dad that does these kinds of things with him.

And how is that necessarily picked up if a child is led to feel what happens when he is with the other parent is not one parents business, a child will pick up on that attitude.

A good parent teaches their children that respect and communication are important, children will learn how to model themselves on how their parents behave towards each other

I would never ever say to my ex it is none of your business how ds is when he is with me or what he is up to, and I would not expect him to say that to me and he never has. We do not get on, but we communicate what ds is up to (certainly when he was young), if he is poorly, going away and where, what a good time he had, a new activity that he really enjoyed as we are both his parents and both want to know how are son is what he is doing, nothing is hidden or not spoken about. That does not mean a full breakdown of exactly what they have done but a general idea is what should be expected from both parents

Maybe it’s time to either get a job or a hobby (assuming you’re able) so you stop being so overbearing.

I'm a couple of days late to this thread and I doubt very much you're still reading responses, but I've been at the hospital all night with my partner who has cancer and is very ill. I use MN to take my mind off things and here you are fucking bellyaching about fucking NOTHING and creating problems that DON'T EVEN EXIST.

You get my first ever Grow the fuck up.

My thoughts are with everyone who has a genuine life-affecting situation to deal with today 🙏🏻

I was thinking the same thing. Poor little chap.

This, and I genuinely don’t understand why @Bluedeep wants CMS payments.

Referring to the father of her child as “someone” feels bizzare when he has the child 4 nights a week and is clearly an active, equal parent.

The arrangement should also be alternate weekends, not one parent dictating terms unilaterally.

To be honest, she comes across as quite controlling and selfish.

Your ex has parental responsibility, just the same as you do. You are not the main parent, you just have him slightly more so get CM. Think how much he is also spending on your SHARED son for all the time he has him, as well as CM. More than you are I expect.

My DP's ex is like this, up DP's arse about everything, super controlling and wants to know his every move. She also kicks off when we do fun things with the kids and don't inform her (why should we?) mainly because she never does anything with her son herself, cos she can't be arsed and is happy to give him to us every weekend. I can't get my head around it but she makes us cringe with her behaviour on at least a weekly basis.

Ah I have fond memories of Thomas. Sounds like he had a great time. I do think you need to consider why you have reacted quite strongly to this. your ex has not behaved unreasonably at all.

I can't believe you choose not to spend every weekend with your little boy so you can 'relax with your partner' and then call yourself the 'main parent' and feel like you have the moral high ground. Your son has been away with his dad and family. I hope you didn't ruin it for him.

Children don’t need routines. They need fun. 3 and a half hours is not far away. I’ll drive further than that for lunch. I’ve gone 2 hours away to walk the dogs somewhere different.
It’s his Dad and he’s giving the child a good life while he has him. If you’re so boring, don’t be surprised if you child wants to stay with his dad full time

If your Ex has parental responsibility of your child then he doesn't have to have your permission to take his child away for the weekend. Calmly ask him to let you know of future plans just so you're aware of where your child is but don't make it a big deal or make your Ex feel he has to run everything by you when he has his child with him. You'd not like it if you had to do that on your time so please don't expect him to either.

You are over reacting

he is with his dad - quite safe. Having fun

I certainly don’t tell my Ex what we are up to each weekend

and saying 4 is too young for overnights

agree you set up is a little weird that every weekend is with dad. Tho you seemed more concerned and happy to be childfree at weekend so can be with your partner

Because she has that one extra night, she is legally the 'receiving parent.' Hopefully, he only pays the absolute minimum since he sits at the bottom threshold of Band 3. Honestly, he shouldn't be paying a thing, especially when he takes the kid on nice holidays.

Nonsense. You can trust them to be a decent parent without thinking of them as a great partner. I know some people are not the type of person I would want as a friend but they’re great at their job as a teacher, and I’d trust them to look after my DC as a result. There’s an obvious division. And beside the by, this guy sounds like a stellar dad to me. Has his kid practically 50:50 and still pays CM - WHAT?! Plus takes his little boy on nice trips out.

I would not be surprised if, once DS is in school, the Dad requests a 50/50 week on/week off arrangement and the gf (clearly not that new since they have a baby) steps up to do school pick-ups and drop-offs. They are probably already fed up of the "main parent" rubbish.

It would be good if communication was open enough that you’re aware.

In every other respect you are being ridiculous, however.

I fucking hate reverses.

I think a single night or 2 in a hotel unsettles a child’s routine at such a young age

The idea that a night or two in a hotel ruins a child's routine at age four is rubbish. We have taken plenty of holidays with young kids, both in the UK and abroad - and they always have a fantastic time.

You are being completely unfair you are 50/50 parenting. I’d say ex even more so as why on earth should he and his new wife never have a childfree weekend especially if he works all week?

and you should be taking your son away as well. Your ex has done nothing wrong here. You are the problem and I feel very sorry for him and new partner as they are covering all the harder days whilst you relax and don’t work?

I think it is worrying that you consider yourself "the main parents"

You are the overall caregiver, but you are not the main parent and you are not he boss of this situation. This is how you are coming across, whether you realise this or not and it is not a healthy way to be conducting yourself going forward

I'm not meaning to come across as harsh, but don't know how to write the words softly.

I have raised tow children solo from 5 years and 6 months pre birth, (he had an affair) so I have some knowledge of this type of situation. I had friends thankfully that were honest with me and told me how it was - so to be blunt I had to change my way of thinking, and take a long hard look at how I wanted the next 16 years to be as this was pre Mumsnet

Looking back yes my ex was an arse, but I did things that I could have handled better and was guided by friends to make wise choice for the sake of the children

if I was in your shoes, use kindness to get what you want not anger. Send a message to your ex and explain that you have thought about the situation and apologise for over reacting, say it would have been nice if you'd known but of course he is their dad and what a lovely trip to take them on. Consider it an olive branch and then you never know another time he might mention plans

you have another 12 years of this - make your life easy

Overreacting - YABU.

Oh, for God's sake. He's with his dad, and it's their time together. No wonder you're no longer together, ffs.