AIBU to expect my ex to tell me about overnight trips?

its being kind to your child

where is the need to be grateful that the child has a kind father 🙄

A trip to Thomas Land and overnight stay is NOT basic.

Being fed clothed and having a clean warm bed is basic

and do we say what a great mum and the dad should be grateful, no we do not ....

when society gives that message to the mum they are giving it to a child too ... i and my single mum friends have heard it so many times. I am making sure my ds does not feel this way that he should be grateful or I should be as he one day he will likely be a father and its expected of him to be as good a parent as the child/children's mother

The op's ex sounds like a nice responsible caring dad that should be the basic standard for all nrp who are usually dad.

As as I posted before while I feel there is not need to be angry I do feel communication (not a break down of every minute) is extremely important if nothing to show your child/children that all involved care and all are invested in them

@Bluedeep I'm glad you have recognised that you are overreacting.

You have no say over what your ex does with your son whilst he's with his dad.
But it does no harm for him to be away for a couple of nights, you don't need to worry about his routine being changed (unless he's severely ND and any change triggers meltdowns).

It's really important not to make your son feel anxious or fearful of telling you if he's been away with his dad - that's really not fair on him.

Your anxiety about these trips is entirely a 'you' problem, and, kindly, you need to figure out a way of dealing with it.

It's not that, it's just that the dad has done something quite special and sweet for the kid. It's an out of the ordinary special occasion trip completely centred around this child.

Broadly speaking I agree with you, for years people would say to me that it was “so good” that my ex wanted to see our child. As if spending time with one’s own child isn’t the barest of minimums.

However here it does seem that the op’s ex is actually the one bothering to be child centric in the time spent with their shared child. Maybe she hasn’t put the situation across as well as she could have, in her haste to try and make her ex sound like the bad guy.

Sorry OP but I do agree with this. I have four children and they have all had nights away and weekends away with a parent or both parents since around 6 months old. Various fun trips or weddings. Of course he's not too young for a night away.

she is co parenting, I have no idea how she parents

the message over and over again is your ex is great he looks after his son and takes him to nice places

no he is doing what a parent should do taking care of his child and being kind to them

the bar is so low for men that we should celebrate that 🙄

You actually sound unhinged. Poor kid.

So they get back to their routine the next day? Live a little. Sounds like Drayton Manor was fab

Who put you in charge? It seems he spends time with his dad nearly 50% of the time.

Your split is fine, it works for you both and your child.
The problem is you, you have to learn to trust your ex with your child. Your child is so lucky to have such an involved father.
The more your child is exposed to in life the rounder and easier a person they become.
You maybe need to ask that he lets you know if they’re doing anything special in the future. But don’t try to stop it or be difficult. Ultimately it’s good for your child.
You’re definitely a bit over protective

you can ask your ex to let you know if they are planning a night out of town if it bothers you, but he isn’t obliged to keep you informed what he does with ‘his’ son on his 3 days a week imo.
Are you saying you want to just be kept informed or are you saying he can’t go as that’s the question you need to ask yourself

If you feel he is a safe enough parent to have access he is a safe enough parent to to go away with!

Yes. I mean you don't want your son doing anything fun after all. He's not too young for a couple of nights away. My DDs were much younger when we used to go away for a weekend or whatever. It didn't unsettled them at all it was a nice break for them as well as us.
Are you just angry because DS is doing fun things with his dad?

She should be grateful that she gets all weekend to relax with her new partner (which she wants), whilst her DS is taken and funded going to lovely child centric places. She’s got a lot of co-parenting benefits, not working, paid maintenance, lots of relaxation time. She does not seem bothered about missing out of the joy of seeing the enjoyment on her child’s face at such things, so it’s not an issue. She just wants to fume and stamp her feet (whilst relaxing).

The child does not want in anyway need to be grateful, he’s just having a normal upbringing with normal childhood things.

So, yes I think OP should be grateful that someone is stepping in for where she is lacking.

Do you ask your ex's permission for everything that you do with your son?

You share custody of this little boy, but sounds like you don't do anything fun with him like his Dad does as you never have him over a weekend in favour of your partner.

Your ex has him almost 50% of the time so to call yourself the main parent is very unreasonable.

To expect your ex to ask permission to do things with HIS son is very unreasonable.

If your ex had told you before the trips, would you have thrown a tantrum and said no?

I assume you tell him where his son is at all times and unequivocally ask him whether or not you can take him places before doing so? And, even if you do, his time, his responsibility. If not, you need to have a very good look in the mirror.

While I think you need to relax a bit on your child going away I disagree with the very angry crowd on here, I think to co parent successfully anything big like this should at least be mentioned a bit in advance, if nothing so that if anything happens you’re not assuming all is fine when it’s not and other than that so you can ask your ds is he excited to be going away. At least and your ex need to start being civil to each other

You are being wholly unreasonable. His dad did a nice thing with him. Taking a 4 year old to Thomas Land for 2 days is 100% normal and lovely for a parent to do. He is his DAD and is allowed to make any plans he likes for him on his time.

Doesn't sound like anxiety to me at all tbh. She happily is away from the child Thursday- Sun every week so she can relax with her new partner.

She just sounds controlling and jealous of her ex.

And another point being made over and over again is that the op should feel grateful that her child has a good father

the op should not have to feel grateful for this, and neither should their child, as this is also the message when we talk about nrp being involved in parenting and usually this is fathers

The op's ex appears to be a responsible father who is involved in his child's life - that is nothing a child or parent should be grateful for it is what should be expected not celebrated

What happens on dad’s time is up to dad. He doesn’t need to tell you or ask your permission.

you are being completely ridiculous

none of the op's business was a response I made to another post not a response to what the op had posted

Surely she should be used to it by now. Obviously been split up from son's dad for a minimum of 2 years