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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to expect my ex to tell me about overnight trips?

560 replies

Bluedeep · 17/05/2026 11:29

Am I justified or overreacting?
My DS is 4 and starting school in September. My ex is married with a 1 year old DS and has our son Thursday morning until Sunday morning every week. My DS SM is due to end her maternity in a few weeks.

I have just picked him up and he was telling me they went to Drayton Manor for the weekend to meet Thomas and stayed in a Thomas themed room at the hotel. I asked my ex about it and he said they did and had a great time. They left on Thursday morning and stayed in the hotel Thursday and Friday night as a little treat for DS and his sister before his wife goes back to work.
Drayton Manor is about 3 and a half hours drive from where we live.

I was so angry at my ex, telling him he should not be taking my DS away overnight without asking permission first. My ex did not agree and has said as his dad he is free to make plans on his days.

I just don’t agree and think he should be asking me before doing anything like driving so far away. I had a similar reaction a year ago when I found out he had driven to Cadbury World for the day and didn’t tell me.

Am I in the right or am I overreacting?

OP posts:
ByRoseBiscuit · 17/05/2026 11:44

Bluedeep · 17/05/2026 11:33

I have never taken him away as personally I think he’s too young for overnight trips. However, as the main parent I believe I should know what my child is doing.

Show quote history

Why would 4 be too young for overnight trips? You didn’t say you just want to know what he’s doing though (which I agreed it would be good for you to know where he is) but you think he needs to ask permission, which he doesn’t.

ilovepixie · 17/05/2026 11:44

Do you tell your Ex your plans? You seem very controlling, be grateful his dad wants to do things with him.

Sirzy · 17/05/2026 11:44

You are both parents and you need to work together for many years to come. Don’t make things hard by being petty over him giving your son experiences

Original poster
Bluedeep · 17/05/2026 11:43

I probably am overreacting. It just scares me to think if something happened and my little boy is so far away.

OP posts:
CinnamonBuns67 · 17/05/2026 11:43

Whilst it would be nice for him to let you know as a courtesy, he absolutely does not need to ask your permission to take the child anywhere within the UK during the time the child spends with him and he legally doesn't have to let you know. Yabvu.

kscarpetta · 17/05/2026 11:42

Bluedeep · 17/05/2026 11:41

But in the eyes of the law I am. That is why my ex sends child maintenance as I am the main parent.

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The law doesn't say you can dictate anything to your ex.

NotMajorTom · 17/05/2026 11:42

op I presume given the absolute consensus here that you will take on board you were wrong, apologies to your sons dad, and let him get on with giving his son more of what sounded like a really fun thing to do?

WhosGotTheKeysToMyBimma · 17/05/2026 11:42

Your ex sounds like a good dad and you are making yourself sound like a lunatic.

tiramisugelato · 17/05/2026 11:42

Bluedeep · 17/05/2026 11:40

Yes I am the main parent as he stays with me more nights than with his dad. I receive the child benefit and I get CM payments.

We have gone on holiday before yes but I think a single night or 2 in a hotel unsettles a child’s routine at such a young age.

No such thing as a main parent.

Sirzy · 17/05/2026 11:42

I think it’s good that his dad is giving him the opportunity to experience trips away!

I have read some bizzare things on here but the idea a 4 year old is too young to go away with a parent is up there with the best.

Original poster
Bluedeep · 17/05/2026 11:41

kscarpetta · 17/05/2026 11:40

You're overreacting.
If you have your son 4 nights and your ex 3 nights then you're barely the main parent.

But in the eyes of the law I am. That is why my ex sends child maintenance as I am the main parent.

OP posts:
Jellybunny98 · 17/05/2026 11:41

Bluedeep · 17/05/2026 11:40

Yes I am the main parent as he stays with me more nights than with his dad. I receive the child benefit and I get CM payments.

We have gone on holiday before yes but I think a single night or 2 in a hotel unsettles a child’s routine at such a young age.

He literally does 1 extra night with you, receiving CM & CB doesn’t give you special power to deny him going out.

If you continue to be this regimented OP he will quickly learn where he has more fun.

Unclench. He has a good dad who is taking him to do lovely things, that is a good thing.

kscarpetta · 17/05/2026 11:41

Bluedeep · 17/05/2026 11:40

Yes I am the main parent as he stays with me more nights than with his dad. I receive the child benefit and I get CM payments.

We have gone on holiday before yes but I think a single night or 2 in a hotel unsettles a child’s routine at such a young age.

It's fine for you to think that and it's fine for your ex to think differently. You can't control what happens on their time.

kscarpetta · 17/05/2026 11:40

You're overreacting.
If you have your son 4 nights and your ex 3 nights then you're barely the main parent.

Notsandwiches · 17/05/2026 11:40

You're not the "main parent" though - you're both DCs parents and DC spends a substantial amount of each week with his Dad and you're being really controlling. Dad can do what he wants if it's on his time and he doesn't need your "permission." Any solicitor or family court judge will consider your behaviour controlling and over the top.

Whaleandsnail6 · 17/05/2026 11:40

Too young for over night trips with a parent?

Yabvu. Your ex is also an equal parent, whether you like it or not.

Original poster
Bluedeep · 17/05/2026 11:40

Yes I am the main parent as he stays with me more nights than with his dad. I receive the child benefit and I get CM payments.

We have gone on holiday before yes but I think a single night or 2 in a hotel unsettles a child’s routine at such a young age.

OP posts:
NotMajorTom · 17/05/2026 11:40

Bluedeep · 17/05/2026 11:33

I have never taken him away as personally I think he’s too young for overnight trips. However, as the main parent I believe I should know what my child is doing.

Show quote history

No. Your son’s dad is an equal parent and can do what he wants when he has his so . You don’t outrank him, he doesn’t need permission.

BettyscakeShop · 17/05/2026 11:40

You are both equal parents.

tiramisugelato · 17/05/2026 11:39

Bluedeep · 17/05/2026 11:33

I have never taken him away as personally I think he’s too young for overnight trips. However, as the main parent I believe I should know what my child is doing.

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You sound ridiculous.

AnneLovesGilbert · 17/05/2026 11:37

You’re equal parents. And it’s brilliant DS is getting fun outings with his dad especially as you don’t take him anywhere. He’s not the odd one here.

Worktillate · 17/05/2026 11:37

Bluedeep · 17/05/2026 11:33

I have never taken him away as personally I think he’s too young for overnight trips. However, as the main parent I believe I should know what my child is doing.

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Main parent?

OnlyMabelInTheBuilding · 17/05/2026 11:37

This can’t be real.

Swiftie1878 · 17/05/2026 11:37

Bluedeep · 17/05/2026 11:33

I have never taken him away as personally I think he’s too young for overnight trips. However, as the main parent I believe I should know what my child is doing.

Show quote history

You are babying your child. Stop it.
Of course he’s old enough for overnight trips. Has he never been in holiday?!

Worktillate · 17/05/2026 11:36

You're being unreasonable
Ex DH is doing fun things with his son on his time with him. He's not leaving the country with him, he's not engaging in anything dangerous with him and your so is safe and well looked after.
If the opposite situation was posted on here for a mum having to check in with dad to do stuff with her kids, he would be absolutely rinsed.
Unless you have safeguarding concerns, whilst I agree it would be courteous to let you know, there's no need to get 'so angry'.