AIBU to expect my ex to tell me about overnight trips?

That's not abusive. It's merely what she said herself

Proving my point 😂

If she hadn't throw such a hissy fit over a trip to bloody Cadbury world the ex might've been more likely to mention it perhaps

I think this is a sensible response.

the abuse on this thread is awful. No wonder she’s not coming back.

That is just an excuse to get at him OP.
Loads of kids go on holiday and stay in hotels when they are babies or toddlers.
You just feel left out and lacking control.

You’re angry at your ex and trying to make it into a parenting issue. It’s his time, none of your business.

You sound unhinged lol

Very different to a family weekend break though?

Are you sure you understand the meaning of irresponsible?

It really doesnt stretch to a parent taking their own child on a trip during their allocated custody time.

I don't think what a child gets up to with one parent for a significant proportion of the week is nothing to do with the other parent. For example, if the child had swimming lessons every week on Dad's time this would be useful for the Mum to know, so she didn't also put him in swimming lessons during her time. They are parenting the same child.

I don’t know what the terms of your arrangements are but I had divorced parents growing up who had joint custody and they 100% had to tell each other if they were taking us away and the address of where (I remember many angry lawyers letters going back and forth before we could go on a bloody holiday with either!) but I don’t know if that was just for abroad trips or not.

I kind of know where you are coming from. I don’t think I would like it if my child was away somewhere that far overnight and I didn’t know about it. But might be more of a courtesy thing that you should do if you want to joint parent well- which my parents did not and it was seriously stressful for a child. Probably worth apologising and saying in the future you would just like to be informed if they go that far away/overnight for these kind of planned trips for your own peace of mind, and that obv you would do the same in return

What has that got to do with this thread?

If you’re looking for some support then start your own thread so people can see it and help.

My husband has had a midlife crisis and behaved terribly. He started taking drugs behind my back for 8 months saying he needed it as an escape. His dad dies 3 years ago and his mother is still f. He has never confided in me and I have been single parenting the kids for 2 years because

I wish we still had a smile/laugh reaction!

this must be the reason I now spend too much time travelling the country with 16 year old ds visiting trains. It was the childhood trip to Drayton manor to blame!

Perhaps the OP is afraid her son will end up as a Trainspotter/Heritage railway volunteer/writer of railway books?

Says he who met Rev Awdrey once

Im responding to this again as it boils my piss when mums im also a mum except one of a grown adult son who ended up in court because of his own ex with your attitude ...
Let me tell you provided all trips happen entirely during his agreed contact time he does not need your permission..
Just because your classed as the primary carer / default parent it doesn't mean you hold all the cards and control his movements with his son.
It just means the child benefit goes to you.
It doesn't mean you're more important or you're entitled to anything more or you have more rights BOTH parents are equal to a child's life you'll do good to remember that.

Oh give over, it does not. He probably had a fantastic time

YABU, none of your business

There is no difference in mum or dad you are both equal parents.
The reason you call yourself the main parent or this phrase is used is because you most probably take the child benefit.. dad is just as important in his sons life and good on him for taking him away he will of loved that .. sure you're not put out because you arnt taking him anywhere overnight .. think about it!

You're in the wrong he absolutely does not have to ask you permission to take what is also his little boy his child ( not just yours) before they go away somewhere.
If he took you to court they will tell you the same thing he can TELL you he is taking his son somewhere if he wants but he most definitely doesn't have to ask permission.
Father's have equal right to their child always remember that.

He doesn't have to tell you or ask permission. Nice if he did just in case there was an emergency. My ex only has my girls EOW, and I have no idea what they have done til the kids tell me and only then if they want to tell me. Doesn't matter how long or often he has them you both have parental responsibility.

OP, I don't think the parent who has DC one extra night has the right to dictate what enriching experiences the other parent plans. You sound like there is some significant and unwarranted anxiety about you son's safety on your part and it might be an idea to seek some support with that. I think it is lucky that his father is providing a different experience of reality where overnight trips are treats and not something to be feared for upsetting a 'routine.'

I can completely see why your ex didn't mention the trip. It wouldn't be ideal for your son to accidentally over hear you saying some of the things you have said about his safety on your posts. Please get some help with your anxiety before it becomes your son's issue too, or he favours the more relaxed company of his father.

Worrying about a child spending a night at a hotel with his other parent is not a normal concern OP. I hope you find some help with this and that your child doesn't miss out on anything as a result.

Your ex only needs to tell you if they are taking the child abroad. I think it is lovely that your ex and his new family plan trips that include the son you had together.
Would you prefer your son to have not been invited and your ex just go with your sons sibling? Your son should not miss out because you have control issues. You may be the resident parent as far as maintenance goes but you share equal parental responsibility with your ex. Your ex can parent however they see fit. If you have safeguarding issues then fair enough, a night in a hotel is not a safeguarding issue

I think it is great that he is giving the child experiences that you obviously don’t want to go to because they are apparently situated at the ends of the earth a few hours away. And fitting them in before the child starts school which is very sensible.

It would be nice if you had the type of coparenting relationship that he could mention it to you but since your first reaction seems to have been throwing your weight around then I wouldn't be inclined to tell you if I was him.

It would serve you well to improve your attitude toward coparenting, IMO. A good relationship between the adults in blended situations will only benefit the child.

I do think some of your ideas around a four-year-old going on holidays is a bit weird, too. Is there a chance that he didn't tell you because your reactions are a little...intense?