AIBU to expect my ex to tell me about overnight trips?

Taking a wild guess (and I mean this kindly). When you were with your Son's dad did he leave you? And now he's having fun with his dad and coming home excitedly telling you about it? And it stings? Something to keep an eye on. You don't want your son feeling guilty for having fun with his Dad

This is ridiculous and can’t believe it’s real.

Yes, this is the real problem. Poor child growing up in that sort controlling environment. Really unfair on them.

This.

YABtotallyU.

"Can I take our son on a family trip away for the weekend?"
"No!"
"Well in that case he'll have to stay with you then and also you can explain to him why his sister gets to go away with me and he doesn't"

I look forward to you're future thread entitled " My son never gets to go away with his dad, AIBU to think it's not fair"

Opting out of every single weekend once your child is at school is a bad choice, and certainly doesn’t make you the ‘main parent’ in reality.

YABU, he can do what he wants on his time.

Yabvu, your ex doesn't need permission to take your child anywhere on his parenting time. It would have been nice to know, for sure, but the way you've reacted has ensured he won't be telling you next time either. I'd have gone with something along the lines of "it sounds like you all had an amazing time! Thanks so much for giving him a great experience. I'm a little freaked out he was so far away and I didn't know, would you mind giving me a heads up next time and I'll be sure to do the same?"

Also it's fine to take kids away for a night or two at any age....

You are mum, he is dad, if you both have parental responsibility your rights don’t trump dads any more than his trump yours. His time is his time.

As a courtesy it might be good for him to tell you, but he is absolutely under no obligation to at all, any more than you are should you choose to take the son you had together anywhere.

The child is a child you share responsibility for and both love (hence why you should both be involved in decisions around material things such as schooling, medical, etc) he is not a possession, he is his own person.

Sounds like you and your son are lucky to have a man in your lives who is meeting every responsibility he should and it’s lovely that his wife has also embraced and included your son too, it takes a village.

So much this.

@Bluedeep - you really, really need a wake up call. You risk storing up a lot of trouble for yourself.

You are very lucky to have an Ex who co-parents effectively and with consideration for what’s best for your child. Don’t mess this up - it would be your precious son who would suffer and potentially be damaged.

He didn't traffick him to Namibia - he took him for one night away to a place that he really enjoyed, with his parent, and within your home country. Plus you've taken him on holiday yourself before and that didn't 'disrupt his routine'. Those last three words are an excuse you are using because you have no control during the time he is away from you and I guess that you are finding that really hard, hence your overreaction. Sorry that you are finding it hard, but if he is happy, safe and cared for then that should be the end of it. Don't drive a wedge between you and your ex or potentially between your ex and his son. He did nothing wrong and you need to think about why you have this need for control.

If this was a reverse and a father was hassling the mother about taking their child away on an overnight trip to do something child focused he’d get ripped to shreds.

It’s his time and in the same country. This is controlling.

This is also a good point. You say you’re the main parent but actually your ex spends a lot more time with the child than you do in reality. I also think it’s odd that you have no weekends with him.

You ooze jealousy. You should be pleased that your DS is getting these experiences like all other children do. Also he is not too young for overnight trips, he’s 4 years old not 4 weeks.

Don’t let your DS know of your feelings towards his Dad and his new family. It will not work out well for you in the long-run. Be excited for him.

I've just read the update. You have him one more night a week but get CMS and you have him weekdays so he's mostly at school. You get most weekends free and you don't work. Would you have your son more if your ex agreed?

Please get over yourself. This is a ridiculous take on it. What your ex does with his own biological child on his agreed contact time is none of your business im afraid ,you're making it very difficult for him to co parent and if he takes it to court the judge would laugh in your face and wont take kindly to such controls put on the other parents time

What would you be doing with your son if you looked after him at a weekend. Why stop them having fun, you sound petty and controlling really which is a shame. You pretty much have equal time with your son.

Tbh I had some sympathy for your situation and still do but this makes you sound a bit precious and borderline unhinged.

I don't think he should have to tell you his plans especially when it's day trips or short breaks in the UK and I wouldn't want to have to do that but it must be very difficult to coparent a young child.

I think the idea a four year old is too young for an overnight trip (but find for a holiday) is ridiculous.

This is how it is when parents aren’t together and you need to get your head round this asap. Presumably when you take your child away, your ex might feel the same but it doesn’t stop you taking your child on holiday. He won’t always be with you and he won’t always be close. But he will be with his dad which is fine

No I don't think your ex has to tell you about overnight stays. I don't think that getting maintenance gives you extra control. You've go some very strange ideas. A child of nearly 4 isn't too young for overnight stays. Absolutely ridiculous.

Oh dear, I knew from the off how this thread was going to go.

On paper he spends more nights with you but his dad does far more parenting than you if DS is at School. But it suits you so you have weekends with your partner.

Ex does not need to tell you anything about his time, it would be nice as a courtesy but I can see why he doesnt. I would also expect the time share to alternate once SM goes back to work if I were a betting person.

He definitely doesn't need your permission but I think out of politeness he should of told you...

So are you planning on telling your ex every time you plan a quick night away? If you ever do. Cos it’s exactly the same and I suspect you would feel it’s not his business if your little one is with you

Gosh this is so unreasonable. I occasionally take my 4 year old away for the night on her own and she loves the adventure. I can see why he didn't mention if you don't believe 4 year olds can have a night away from their routine! It'd be nice if he could tell you, but I imagine he didn't want you being negative about it to your son and ruining the joy.

So you never have weekends with your child? That's terrible as you'll have no downtime with them. I think your upset your child is making amazing memories with his dad and SM, his dad doesn't need to ask permission to take him away in the UK on his time.

I was taking my DD away for short trips regularly at that age and she loves travelling. Me and her dad have 50/50 and that includes every other weekend so we can enjoy quality time with her. The only time we discuss trips is longer holidays abroad or if it overlaps into the other parents time.

You’re the main parent yet you spend no weekends with him? 🤔