AIBU to expect my ex to tell me about overnight trips?

Nah she's not going to, she's convinced that she's the main parent which gives her some special control and power.

You aren’t the “maon parent” (not that it exists) when his dad has him from Thur school pick up to Sunday evening and you have him Sunday evening to Thursday drop off. So technically you have 4 nights and he had 3 but he’s got far far more time with DS than you do. You have Sunday wind down from weekend baths and getting ready for school then 4 mornings breakfast school run (not long or quality time) and 3 post school evenings (again not much time if homework after school activities baths etc). His dad has him two school pick ups and one school drop off (so still involved in the school side) and the relaxing Friday evenings (always nicer evenings after school week!) and full Saturday and Sunday to teatime aka all the quality hours with primary aged kids to do fun family stuff.

I’m actually quite shocked you are okay with that arrangement as you are missing a huge chunk of your child’s life. I wouldn’t want to miss out on weekends like that. Be bad enough having only half of them if coparenting but to have none at all - nope not happening.

You don’t need to give your ex permission to do things with your son. You seriously out of order being negative about things like this. You will taint your DSs enjoyment of these experiences and he’ll start to downplay them as hell kjow you’ll get angry. It’s going to ruin his childhood. Your ex and his partner planned this weekend FOR YOUR SON they didn’t go to Thomas world for their benefit and I’m pretty sure not for their one year old either. They could have taken a one year old on any adult weekend trip and they’d have got the same out of it. This was a trip purely for your son and for him and his little sister to have shared family experiences. Such a shame you acted negatively. I do get the upset at not knowing where your child is. The only way to resolve this is to issue a huge apology to your ex. Explain you get frightens realising you didn’t know son was away but understand he cns go anywhere he likes but in future if he could tell you if away do weekend youd appreciate it and then say how much son talked about it and how much he’s clearly enjoyed himself.

YABVVVVVU and need to unclench

Ok go to court then since you think being the main parent gives you control.

Ridiculous. Overnight trips, especially the type he’s done, is beyond exciting at his age.

I suspect what is going on here is that you’re jealous of the trip and how much your DS enjoyed it

You are not the main parent,you are both equal.

What rubbish. If OP wanted to take her son away for a night, should her ex be able to put a stop to it?

Then his dad will take care of him, like he already does for the majority of the time anyway.

Agreed. This ‘main parent’ narrative is a nonsense. If anything the law classes it as resident and non resident parent.

When DS goes to school, exH be doing more parenting anyways. Astonished you think exH should have told you what he was doing on his weekend.

He doesn't need your permission. It would be polite to let you know however, given your rather extreme reaction to a lovely weekend away I can see why he chose not to tell you.

Your son isn't too young for a trip away. Children go on holidays from any age including newborns.

I'd be pleased that your child's dad is being a good father and taking an interest in his son and giving him nice experiences.

She doesn’t even have the legal right to know the dad’s home address, you realise that?

He is with his dad. She doesn’t need to be told or give permission for anything, unless leaving the country.

I’m also split from my kid’s dad, so we co-parent and they go to his and do things with him. I don’t need to be told about it or give my permission. But I’m not a nut job, so he does mostly let me know. He wouldn’t if I was going to behave the way OP does.

Quite frankly you shouldn't be getting any maintenance payments - you have, more or less, a shared care arrangement and as such you should not be entitled to maintenance.

After your last post about relaxing with your partner and not working, I expect this is a joke post.

but on the outside chance it’s not…

I would seriously advise you get a job. Not for the money at all. But because you clearly have so much time on your hands at the moment with nothing to do except think and worry, that you do that, and your current attitude is potentially very very damaging to your child.

to not go for an overnight with a 4 year old is denying them of wonderful experiences and memories. If you have the money, I would go as far to say it’s extremely neglectful parenting as you are not building any resilience, ability to learn how to deal in different situations.

we are currently living in a society where a growing number of our young people are unable to function. On your parenting, your son would be heading that way, so thank goodness he has his father.

I wonder if the op reports where she is off gallivanting with her partner every weekend? Because he needs to know if she isn’t just around the corner by that logic!

And so what if it had?? He’s the parent too! What if something happens if the op took him away?? Would that be ok because she’s the mum? Don’t be so stupid

You will get loads of the dads are great brigade on here. But I would be absolutely fuming if this happened. Of course it is your business and you need to know if he is round the corner or four hours away! What if something had happened.

You sound very controlling and overbearing. I'm glad that your DS has a parent who actually does nice things with him.

Yeah, I actually think this is a wind up. While I know shit like this goes on, I don't think anyone's dumb enough to ask advice about it. 😆

I think over time you will regret this arrangements of having no weekends with your son. Your son when he’s older will have the amazing memories of trips away at weekends with your ex, and you’ll lose that as you’ll just have before/after school, which will be getting ready for school, eating and doing homework. Could you reconsider this custody arrangement so that you don’t risk having a lesser bond with your son than your ex?

How are you the main parent if he’s with his dad Thursday to Sunday. And he doesn’t need permission to do as he wants when your DS is with him. Just because you haven’t done any nights away doesn’t mean he can’t

He sounds like a great dad as that day out was for your DS benefit not the new baby.

Og for goodness sake.
Get a bloody grip.

Your being completely unreasonable
causing unnecessary friction
your following the quickest path to damage co parenting

change your attitude your son has 2 parents not one your completely wrong to thing it’s all down to you and you have your grant permission

to be blunt if I were him i’d tell you as little as possible and think I’d persue 50/50

So… if your ex had told you about the trip, you wouldn’t have ‘allowed’ it anyway?

Sorry, you’re being unreasonable. Your ex has him practically half of the week. You don’t get to dictate what he does with that time.

Yes, it would have been good for him to tell you… but I can see why he hasn’t @Bluedeep

This does not excuse your unreasonable, controlling behaviour.

What a ridiculous thing to say. They are never too young for overnight trips. The younger you take them the better because it gets them used to staying away from home. Life’s too short short to ponder stuff like this. Your son would have got more out of the trip than their one year old. Drayton Manor is a great theme park for children of your son’s age. Thomas land is fab you sound a bit jealous he had a fun weekend with them. Do you never do anything fun with him?