AIBU to expect my ex to tell me about overnight trips?

You get every weekend relaxing with your partner, don’t work and get child maintenance!

But you’re not happy, that the child’s father has taken him for a fabulous trip away, that’s completely child centric!

You must be on a wind up?

He doesn't need to tell you, you can't say no to where he takes him on his time - unless it's a safeguarding issue
On the other hand, I always asked my ex to tell me where our son was - as I did in return - mainly due to my own anxieties and needing to know which area and hospitals to contact if I don't hear from them for a significant amount of time or they don't return home when expected, it was respected and understood I that it wasnt for control, it was to ease my worries and know a starting point on where they may be (or the route taken) so I can begin a search in an emergency.

Too young for overnight trips but can sleep elsewhere 3 nights a week ??
why don’t you go to work?
Have you realised YABU after all the replies ?

There's no such thing as a "main parent". You are both parents. And at 4 your son is not too young for trips away. That is ridiculous.

I'm always astounded by how harsh (some of) the women on MN are when they respond. I totally get why you'd feel how you're feeling. I think I would prefer to be told if my child is going away overnight. It's not about 'permission' as people on here keep harping on about, it's just nice to know, and I presume you would do the same the other way round when you take him away.

It’s very weird that you’re reacting so violently to your son being taken to Drayton Manor but you’re actually willing to only see your son before and after school for four days a week and Sunday afternoons… no wonder you’re not taking your son anywhere because you don’t even see him at all during the day!

Yabvu

This must be a reverse.

If not - obviously your ex doesn’t have to run an itinerary past you for his weekends and he’s entitled to do what he wants with your son. Unless there was some sort of safeguarding concern like he had a room on his own or was left in the hotel by himself then you need to get a grip. Your son had a fab weekend with his dad and that’s all that matters. Jealousy playing part here I think!

Handled badly.

OP you need to watch yourself - yes you are being completely ridiculous unless ex has a history of being drunk, irresponsible , dangerous driver etc

The 'main' parent? 🤨 imo regardless of how time is split, unless there are known welfare issues/court orders, neither parent is the 'main' one. He is right, on his time he is free to parent and make plans without your say so, as are you without his. The exception is going abroad where obviously parental consent is needed. Courts would say the same thing.

If you are anxious/worried then just approach it calmly with your ex and ask if you can agree on a parenting plan where you will make each other aware of certain things - he doesnt have to but he may agree as part ofa positive co parenting plan. Describing yourself as the main parent though will likely come across as quite hostile so I would recommend framing it more carefully/thoughtfully.

he has him 3 nights a week. Almost 50/50 so are you the main parent. What do you mean he’s too young for overnight trips ? Of course he’s not. Without a parent maybe but he was with his Dad. Have you really never taken him away? That’s more odd.

What defines you as the "main parent" in your eyes?

If your ex was absent in your child's life for a long period and suddenly turned up, that status would be legitimate. But it sounds like you co-parent, which makes you EQUALS.

You sound like a nightmare TBH.

That’s your thoughts, which are not shared by the child’s father!

You parent how you like, he parents how he likes.

I bet your DS wouldn’t say he was unsettled, I bet he had a great time.

You sound jealous to be honest.

What nonsense! You sound jealous and petty OP. Your ex doesn't need your permission, he is the child's parent just as you are. A child is not a possession.

I think that your opinion that he’s too young for overnight stays is very unusual and most people travel with babies and kids . Many kids will be used to overnights because family don’t live locally or they go on holidays and weekends away to travel and explore. Travelling might not be for you but it’s fun for many.

If your child being with dad makes you anxious then he’s done you a favour not telling you about this and any previous trips that they’ve done. He might not be majority parent but legally he’s an equal parent and it’s up to him what they do on his days and it sounds like he picked a fun thing to do with ds.

Is it possible that you’re annoyed because you text ex your plans and as a result feel like he should do the same with you? Or could thus be about not being the first to take ds on an overnight trip?

So too young for a holiday? What a strange attitude.

Doesnt he see the child more than you, thus making him the "main parent"?

YABU and I hope this isn't real.

Your ex needs to be getting maintenance from you considering he looks after him far more than you.

are you for real? Too young for overnight trips! You just sound jealous that his dad has done something lovely with him.

You are not the main parent he has him for half the week 🤷‍♀️

Just be grateful you have a dad that wants to do things with his son and be an equal parent

You don't own your child, they are a human being with two parents who have an equal right to raise them as they wish.

Ideally, you remain on good times and communicate with each other.

But that is just politeness, it's not an obligation. If your child is with your co-parent and under their care, it is up to your co-parent where they want to go and what they want to do.

Is this a wind up? Not old enough for over night trips? Main parent, he's at his dad's nearly as much as he's with you.

Get some help for your anxiety and control issues, or your son will want to be with his relaxed, fun parent full time, as soon as he’s able to choose!