AIBU to expect my ex to tell me about overnight trips?

Firstly you are not the main parent, you both have a very similar amount of time each week and equally have parental responsibility.

your view of it both being ok to take a 4 year old away for a night or two is crazy, nothing wrong with that.

would be nice is they tell you but they don’t have to and if you want to be told you need have trust in them and not kick off about things.

@Bluedeep

why do you think he’s too young for overnight trips?

Ludicrous you think yourself as the main parent. You both have parents responsiblity - he can do as he pleases in his time with your son and you can’t do anything about it. A 4 year old he’s perfectly fine to stay overnight in a hotel

you need to work on your anxiety

your ex will most likely want to start taking him on holiday for a week or more within the next few years

He sounds like a good dad

Maybe it would be better for everyone if he did an extra night and became the main parent. As you sound unhinged

Sorry OP but yes you're being unreasonable
Think you'll need to review your schedule when school starts or you'll never see your ds even if you don't work

You did know what he was doing - he was spending time with his dad.
You have no say what happens during DS time with his dad, same as your ex has no say in what happens during your time in respect of trips etc.
The only time your ex needs to consult you is if he wants to take DS away gor a week or more and/or out of the country

He is not to young !! He is having life experience and fun by the sounds of things what a lovely treat for him !!

You are Co parenting, so have no say! Stop being ridiculous, saying 4 is too young to go away for a weekend! We were taking my son all over Europe by the time he was 3! Just stop being melodramatic!

I’d say if anyone was the main parent then it’s dad. His time is spent either working to provide for him and pay cms or with him giving him great experiences. He has zero down time or days off where as you seen to have ample.

Yabu. Your ex is the child's dad and has equal parenting staus as you. Your child is not your possession. If your ex isn't suitable to hold parental responsibility then that will need to be an application to a court for a ruling on that. Without that, he is as capable as you of deciding what to do on he days he has DC - presumably you don't ask his permission for anything you do with DC on your days? But you do each need permission from each other to take DC out of the country.

If this seems unacceptable, appoint a solicitor to move to remove parental responsibility from him

They only went away for 2 nights, not even the whole weekend, thius must either be a reverse or a wind up. Few parents would even think this level of control is healthy.

You are being completely unreasonable and I imagine your XH will continue to ignore you.

You do realise he is no longer a toddler right? Routine can flex at this age 🙄

She literally said she’s angry because he didn’t ask permission.

Tell you they would be away sure, just in case of emergency. Ask your permission, no. He can take his child away for the weekend on his time, it's not like he left the country

Annnnnnddddd that's why he won't tell you even as a courtesy because, frankly, that's bonkers. You're not the 'main' parent; you're one of 2 and he has his child as much as you've allowed him I suspect. And he's not 'too young for overnight trips' with his own parent ffs.

I think the responses are totally justified, not harsh at all!

Doesn't work
Gets every weekend relaxing with her partner
Decent DF for her child
More or less 50/50 child care
Maintenance

And she also does expect permission, as she said very clearly in her first post!

I was so angry at my ex, telling him he should not be taking my DS away overnight without asking permission

And I’m a woman and that has no bearing in anyway to my thinking that I need to agree with OP, She is totally unreasonable!

Not all woman need to agree with other ones, some of us can see right from wrong.

In 99.9% sure this is a reverse 🙄

Do you drive?

Just wondering if your reluctance to this is because you don’t drive and it would be harder for you to get there in an emergency? IE Cadbury world?

Or because you don’t drive and don’t do over nights because of this as it’s harder to travel there and back so are feeling some sort of jealousy?

People are being harsh, as you put it, because OP claims she is the “main”
parent, when she very clearly isn’t, as if that gives her special priveliges over her ex.

He won't be able to stay with her, weekends are for relaxing with her partner. Would expect none of the family to go I'd imagine!

OP why don't you work even part time if you only have your son half of the week?

Are you being serious? It's a night away with his parent. Are you saying you've never taken him on holiday as he's too young?

However, as the main parent
We could discus the meaning of 'Main' parent for the rest of the day. But will that help you to be less possessive and less controlling.
Are there any specific health probs with your DC?