AIBU to expect my ex to tell me about overnight trips?

“Ask” you. No he shouldn’t. Sound like he’s had an amazing weekend!

I was so angry at my ex, telling him he should not be taking my DS away overnight without asking permission first

The child is his DS too. He doesn't need permissions to do anything with his own child.

“Faints” think of the children!

I must be a shit mum, I would often take my DD's away for one or two nights to stay in the Legoland hotel when they were 4 or younger.

All you should be in this scenario is pleased for your son and happy to hear him talk about his weekend.

You can ask yourex to let you know if they are going away -just so you know, but he probably won't want to tell you if you are going to give him grief and say your son is too young or whatever (as that is just ridiculous). You need to try to cultivate a relationship whereby you are not passing judgment on what happens on his time. Then he is likely to be more open.

I know you say you are the main parent as you have the extra night but your ex likely has more hours with your son as he has him on the weekends and on your time he is in school. I am surprised that you are getting much maintenance in the circumstances. I wouldn't be happy never having a weekend with my son.

Oh OP, this thread hasn't gone the way you'd hoped has it?

You might be the resident parent for financial purposes but your ex has full parental rights and can choose what he does with his child on his time. What would you have said if he had told you beforehand? It’s incredibly controlling to try and limit what your ex does with his child, obvious safeguarding issues aside.

Your ex does not need permission from you to take a two day uk trip. It would have been nice for him to tell you ahead of time, but given your reaction that might be why he

You mentioned law, and with that in mind your ex has parental responsibility so can make decisions on what he does on his time.

It’s none of your business. As long as he’s safe it’s none of your business what he does on his parenting time. I would not be answerable to you and vice versa.

you didn’t come on here to listen to others opinions, you came here to validate your already entrenched viewpoint and now the majority of people don’t agree you don’t like it.

Wish I had a £1 for every OP who disappears when MN consensus isn’t what they want to hear…

You are being completely unreasonable. He doesn't need to ask permission from you, nor you from him. Insanely controlling behaviour.

So you have every weekend to chill with your partner? And you don't do any trips with your DC yourself?

You are being so incredibly UR here it's insane.

He did a lovely thing on his time. You are massively over reacting. If you want this to change, work on building a better co-parenting relationship where he would find it easier to casually tell you and update on what they've been up to. But this is the man you decided was jointly responsible for raising your child, and as long as he's not being abusive, you have to trust that previous judgement you had.

As the child's father and on his days he doesn't need to share what they are up to with you, nor do you need to share what you get up to when he is with you. You both have equal parental responsibility, he doesn't need your permission.

Sounds like he's a good dad and has a lovely family which your son is clearly a part of, this is far better than him cutting his son out and doing these trips with just his wife and daughter.

Your nonsense about doing nice things like this as "unsettling" for the child is just silly, it sounds like they had a lovely time. I think you need to unclench and accept that your son has 2 parents who love him who want to do nice things with him. You can do similar nice things on your own time without permission too.

Completely overreacting OP!!!

DP and I split when DD was 3 and he regularly took her for overnight trips away without my knowledge. Unless he is going abroad then you don’t need to be informed.

Be grateful he does things with your child - there are many dads out there who don’t.

You sound very controlling.

Op he has every right to take his son away. I would be grateful he’s still making such an effort with him especially as he’s now got another child. also with you not knowing meant you got a relaxing weekend. Think of all the shitty men on here who don’t deserve kids your ex is putting his son first. He never asked you for a penny towards it no spending money. Your son had fun what’s not to like. Just because he’s with you more doesn’t make his dad less responsible. You would not have your ds without his contribution. Always remember this.

He has his child 3 nights you have him 4 so I would say you’re pretty much equal when you also factor the days in. He doesn’t need to ask for your permission, it might have been nice of him to tell you they are going away. If you and your partner were taking him away would you ask for your ex’s permission?

Sounds like a lovely trip. When we take my stepchild away on our time, we do let mum know (because it’s a very healthy coparenting arrangement) and all she ever has to say is have a wonderful time! And same vice versa. Poor kid coming home to a raging mother after his lovely weekend.

You should take him away for some quality time because it’s sounds like once he’s at school you’re barely going to see him…

Be very very vey happy they are so inclusive of your ds. He, I am sure, was thrilled. So many nasty stories on here how 'I don't think children from previous marriages should be invited/included/joining us/receiving treats'. Don't spoil it!

And you are part of this mum is great brigade? What does she do that makes you think she’s great? The arrangement that she gets to relax every weekend with her new partner, the not working, the face she doesn’t take her DS away for nights?

The main parent? Give me a break! He is entitled to take his son to Drayton manor.

Sounds like the child had a lovely time.
I agree you should be told if your son was somewhere else apart from with his father, but you don't need to know where they spend their time together

100% agree!!
main parent my ass!

You have massively overrated. He does not have to tell you or ask your permission.

The "main parent"?! Fuck off! 🙄

Maybe your ex thinks he's the "main parent" as he's the one paying for everything!