AIBU to expect my ex to tell me about overnight trips?

You need to get your head out of your ass!
You aren't the MAIN PARENT... you happen to have one extra overnight a week. You need to stop acting like you are better than your ex.

Also, unless your child is being removed from the UK then no, you don't get to dictate what happens during his father's access. It's very intrusive of you to think you get to.have any involvement.

I think you need to realise that you are not a couple and your ex doesn't answer to you!

Oh dear OP. The radio silence suggests you are not liking the way this thread has gone.

I have suggestions for you, which you probably won't like.

Get a job so you have something else to think about.
Get a therapist to discuss your anxiety and controlling behaviour.

I think this says a lot. You sound severely anxious and should seek help. By 4 many children have been on holiday a few times already, it’s totally normal.

No it isn’t it’s spot on.

there’s no such thing as a main parent btw and things like demanding to be asked for permission to take a child would not be well received in court.

grow up

Ouch! That’s a bit unfair and unnecessarily harsh…

Ok so just because you recieve CM doesnt make you more of a parent than your ex. Both of you could legally stop the other taking him abroad but thats it.

It doesnt matter what you think about whether DSs routine is like due to a an overnight. You also mention being unhappy about a day trip to Cadbury world. You need to accept you cant control his time with his dad. He doesnt need your approval. He isnt the babysitter and it sounds like hes a good and engaged dad.

But I understand if the actual issue is what if something happened and youre so far away.. because he absolutely should inform you if there was an emergency. But DS is as safe with his DF as he is with you. Try and trust you both want whats best for DS

I feel sad for the little boy who had an amazing weekend, excitedly told his mum as soon as he saw her… and then presumably watched the fury and jealousy eminent out of her!! Poor boy probably thinks he’s done wrong. The only thing you’ve done here OP is ensure he doesn’t open up to you and tell you about his weekends.

What happens when he’s older and his dad buys him a Switch or expensive trainers?? Does he have to leave them at the dad’s house in case you flip your lid about that too!?

You sound bitter and jealous. You’re not “the main parent” by the way. You’re an equal parent tops.

I don’t understand how you need to “relax” over the weekend when you don’t work.

Do you ask his permission to take DS for a trip on your time or a day out?

Your ex is an equal parent. If he wanted to take DS away for longer or on your time he needs your permission. But otherwise you need to let him get on with it and accept you dont control his parenting time.

Sounds like your son has 2 parents who love him and like spending time with him. I would just be grateful. Lovely to hear he had a nice time meeting Thomas

Legally you have no right to know anything that’s happening when on your ex’s time.

also why do you think he’s to young for over nights trips?

You’re not ‘the main parent’. You are one of two parents, both with equal say in law. You’re massively over-reacting here.

Unless you believe your ex is a danger to your son, then you are completely overreacting. By the sounds of it, your ex is taking your son away, spending time with him, and being a decent Dad. Your son is away for a couple of nights with his Dad, not a random stranger off the street!

Your ex has no obligation to tell you what his plans are, whilst he is with his son. You have absolutely no right to try and control what your ex does with your son or where he takes him either.

As others have pointed out, your son spends 1 extra night per week with you, compared to his Dad. You don't trump your ex just because you receive Child Support and CMS. You are both equal parents.

You need to apologise to your ex, because you are being unreasonable.

You do know what he is doing- he is with his dad. You BOTH have equal parental responsibility, and whilst you may be "primary carer" and may have more custody time, you are not "senior" to your child's father.

You have no right to know everything they do on their time with their other parent, same as how ex has no right to know what he gets up to with you. It would be nice yes, if your relationship with your ex was such that you could both share plans and chat etc but its not actually necessary.

If he was taking him away out of the country then you would need to give written permission, (and vice versa) otherwise what he does on his time is simply none of your business, unless you have genuine safeguarding concerns.

Thinking a 4 year old is too young for an overnight trip with his parent is NOT a safeguarding issue. It does sound like your might be a little over protective and maybe jealous of what he does with his dad- maybe some counselling would help?

OP I've just realised that you said you've never taken your DS away overnight, but then later said you'd taken him on holiday. So which is it? And if you have taken him on holiday, how come you're allowed to but his dad isn't?

Clearly your son isnt to young for overnight stays as he told you himself he had a great time. Maybe you were using it as an excuse not to do these things with him. You might be the "main" parent in eyes of the law but you dont work, only see your son morning's and evenings and dont want him on the weekends so you can relax with your partner (though you dont work..) whereas your ex has him whenever he isnt at work... we all know who the real main parent is

You’re hardly the main parent when you don’t have your child at all on weekends

If an emergency arises, DS’s dad is right there. And OP doesn’t just want to know where they’re going, she expects her ex to ask for permission to take DS there.

I understand you wanting to know the whereabouts of your child op I have felt the same tbh when my ex has taken my dc places. ive never objected to him taking them anywhere but I'd like to know where they are incase of any emergencies that may possibly arise so I can get to them if needs be.
My dc are much older so usually always tell me their plans and where they are going.
if its a holiday ex will send me details of where they will be.

Watch out...they might take legal action when they're older for letting them grow up as normal kids

Thank Christ for this poor boy at least his dad's normal.

I love how she's the "main parent", doesn't have the kid weekends so when he's at school won't have to do much, doesn't work AND the ex pays her child support AND she's got a partner herself who she spends child free weekends with.

Exactly. So despite having less days the dad seems to be spending a lot more (and quality time) with the child. And she thinks she’s the ‘main parent’ 🤦🏻‍♀️

“Faints again”

Think of the children ….

I mean Ireland!!!! With tayto crisps and red lemonade!!

Shocked I am!!

We took DS1 to Ireland when he was 13 months. For two whole weeks! I'm amazed we didn't have Social Services on the phone.

But he is with his dad! So in the unlikely event something did happen to him, his dad would be there. His dad being the person you chose to have this child with.

Over-reacting is an understatement. You are being controlling and it's not fair.

Plus "I don't work."

OP must be trolling. Nobody could be this deluded. Of course it would be nice if he told you but given how you react when he tells you he's taking your (plural your) son away I can absolutely see why he doesn't. I really hope your poor son didn't hear any of this.