AIBU to expect my ex to tell me about overnight trips?

CMS claims can't be backdated.

OP’s problem is that she thinks he needs her permission. That’s the long and short of it.

I think your approach is probably contributing to the issue.
If youd said something like "DS said you went away at the weekend, I hope you had a lovely time! Id have loved to know he was doing something so fun, do you think itd be ok if we both let eachother know any special trips before, also so in case of emergancy we both know where DS is" it probably would have got a better response.

The problem is that OP thinks he should ask permission, and that it’s disruptive for the child.

Neither is required or necessary.

Sorry, your comment came across as if you agreed with the OP.

Yes i agree. Its good we've established that

He doesn't need permission to take him 3.5hrs away either... just like she doesn't.

ops problem is Dad took his child 3 and half hours away without telling her. He probably wouldn't need permission to take him to the local park or something

You really can’t complain if you haven’t formalised the agreement. If it’s a difficult person, you need to.

also, if she decides to apply to CMS you might have to backdate the payments, as currently you have no proof you’ve been paying.

In fairness I think selfish is correct, she wants weekends relaxing with her partner.

It’s selfish imo to then have an issue with her DS and ex using their time as they please, ie enjoying themselves at Thomas Land. They don’t need permission!

Lazy.... somewhat
Unhinged... if the cap fits (I personally didn't see that one, but I completely understand why someone might say it)
Selfish... absolutely 💯
Therapy... honestly it's actually good idea

Nothing nasty

He doesn't need your permission but is good practice to tell you.

DB has his DC shared with ex and it's so hypocritical. She is micro managing of his time with them and will go batshit at the slightest thing. Meanwhile she takes DC away without telling him and changes his days of looking after at the drop of a hat.

It's taken years for DC to be 'allowed' to stay overnight and now oh can you have them another night at short notice.

DB is a brilliant Dad, loves his DC so much, but has to overthink every situation. Ex is known for being over reactive/unhinged at times and insists the money he pays is via another person to as not to affect her UC, which it wouldn't anyway.

Yes, he should have taken her to court years ago and was going to but didn't so has to play along with her control freak double standards.

and calling her unhinged, lazy, selfish and saying she needs therapy. Are those also fine?

Telling someone they are controlling when they are clearly being controlling isn't nasty... its called the truth. Sometimes the truth hurts but it isn't nasty.

I was referring to posts attacking her personally for example calling her unhinged, controlling, ungrateful, saying she needs therapy etc. In my book those are nasty comments and we know very little about her life to throw those out but maybe you don’t agree. It’s fine to disagree and answer her question without resorting to this, as others have managed to.

also I never said I disagreed with majority. I said i understood her feelings for wanting to know where her son was for overnight trips but that it’s more of a courtesy for her ex to tell her so she should apologise and speak to him about communicating in the future and that it should work both ways.

Who is being nasty? Just because you disagree with the majority agree she is BU it doesn't make people nasty. The OP is BU to expect to be consulted on what her ex does with their son in his time. It's not like he is being negative. Without knowing more it seems he is being a good dad. What's nasty about that?

Let them know.... is very different to PERMISSION

OP i kinda agree with you. Its good courtesy to let the other parent know your plans if you take them away. Ive always done it

Unfortunately @Bluedeep got her ass handed to her. Hopefully, she'll think about things going forward and this finally got through to her.

Thanks. I know I’m surprised at some
of the responses too and why it needed to get so nasty.

She's not coming back because 97% think she's being unreasonable. Which, of course, she is.

I disagree. She has controlling behaviour. She needs to grow up and get her own life while her son is with his dad. He has every right to take their son on days out amd holidays without her permission (unless overseas trip). If OP doesn't come back it's because she can't handle the truth that everyone is telling her.

So your lazy selfish and also a complete control freak. Time to go get a job and also start to go to therapy.

your being so unreasonable and your a complete control freak. Please you need to let go. Maybe just say Id love to be give a heads up when your going way just so I know. He may or may not comply. He isn't required to.

This. But I’m guessing the OP won’t be back to argue the toss now…