I’ve name changed for this but am a longtime poster. It’s more of a WWYD than an AIBU but I wasn’t sure where to post.
I’m mid-30s and have a DH and 2 pre-school aged DC. My parents divorced when I was young. My DM passed away a few years ago and my DF passed away last year.
My DF met his DP in my early teens. We were never particularly close and she wasn’t particularly kind to me, she also had a negative impact on my relationship with my DF growing up (eg didn’t like us spending time without her there, wanted all phone calls on loud speaker). She would often make rude comments about my DM or my life choices. In adulthood I would say I have reached neutrality with her, she is clearly fond of my DC and I’m happy to have a relatively surface relationship. Although she is very gossipy and can be rude.
The issue is, I’m not sure what kind of relationship I’m supposed to have with her going forward now that my DF has passed. She doesn’t have any DC of her own and was an only child, meaning she has very little family. She’s also quite incompetent and struggles to do anything for herself - needs help organising things such as taxis or ordering anything online and can’t cook even a basic meal. In that respect I do feel sorry for her. But she’s not my parent and being in her 70s I could really imagine her becoming heavily reliant on me.
Since my dad passed she messages me a lot asking for things or to tell me things about her day to day. She also needed me to organise the whole funeral and also left me to pay for it. I do feel for her situation and can see that she must be scared and lonely to face life alone, but I also have very little support myself and worry about having to take her on.
I think what I’m asking is, what would you do in this situation? Would you ‘take her on’ and support her in old age or slowly step back?