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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to suggest my elderly parents move to a more suitable home?

108 replies

SooPanda · 17/05/2026 10:44

Off the back of reading a thread about an adult whose elderly parents don’t want her to buy a house with narrow stairs and no downstairs loo..
My elderly parents live in a nice house with very narrow stairs and no downstairs loo.

They are both 75/76 years old and although my dad is in good health my mother has trouble with her knees and lungs and needs oxygen to get around.

I don’t know how to broach the subject of moving, or whether I should broach it at all.

AIBU to suggest they downsize before it gets too hard to do so happily?

Their house isn’t suitable for adaptations but my dad keeps redecorating and making improvements to the aesthetic without mentioning the practicalities.

I live about 45 minutes away with 3 children at school. They visit us every other weekend and I know that soon I will need to visit them instead, which is fine as part of the routine and I know it was my choice to move away (they live in an area that used to be nice but now is bad for schools and crime) but I worry what’s going to happen when mum can’t do the stairs anymore.

I want them to move while they’re still
able to do so without struggling. AIBU?

OP posts:
Original poster
SooPanda · 18/05/2026 09:10

rookiemere · 17/05/2026 12:49

I would position it as being concerned about the distance when they aren’t able to drive any more. Realistically with 3 school age DCs who presumably have clubs and commitments, visiting every other weekend and using up a large chunk of that day is going to be tough on you and possibly not feasible. And that’s before they get to the point where it’s no longer a social visit and you’re providing support.

Go lightly and plant the seed. It’s all you can do.

I worry that the expectation has already been set. They’ve visited me for years while the kids were small. It’s almost like it’s my “turn” soon and I’m dreading it as you say the the kids have clubs, etc.

I’d love them to be closer but it doesn’t feel my place to try to uproot them.

OP posts:
Original poster
SooPanda · 18/05/2026 09:09

Meredusoleil · 17/05/2026 10:47

I am in a similar situation with my mum (76) who lives in a flat 4 flights of stairs up with no lift. She refuses to engage in any discussions about moving, as has lived there for over 30 years now!

Oh god. What do they expect to happen?

OP posts:
Original poster
SooPanda · 18/05/2026 09:08

Nsky62 · 17/05/2026 10:46

Not easy,is it worth them moving, and what is suitable and affordable on market

It’s worth them moving in the sense that they could get a more manageable place, that will see them through to old age, without needing too many difficult / expensive adaptations and get it decorated how they like before it gets too hard for them.
Their house is prob worth around 400k and bungalows are about 300k round their area, same in my area tbh

OP posts:
Malasana · 17/05/2026 13:06

SooPanda · 17/05/2026 10:44

Off the back of reading a thread about an adult whose elderly parents don’t want her to buy a house with narrow stairs and no downstairs loo..
My elderly parents live in a nice house with very narrow stairs and no downstairs loo.

They are both 75/76 years old and although my dad is in good health my mother has trouble with her knees and lungs and needs oxygen to get around.

I don’t know how to broach the subject of moving, or whether I should broach it at all.

AIBU to suggest they downsize before it gets too hard to do so happily?

Their house isn’t suitable for adaptations but my dad keeps redecorating and making improvements to the aesthetic without mentioning the practicalities.

I live about 45 minutes away with 3 children at school. They visit us every other weekend and I know that soon I will need to visit them instead, which is fine as part of the routine and I know it was my choice to move away (they live in an area that used to be nice but now is bad for schools and crime) but I worry what’s going to happen when mum can’t do the stairs anymore.

I want them to move while they’re still
able to do so without struggling. AIBU?

Would the narrow stairs fit a stair lift? That could be a good compromise to start with.

WallaceinAnderland · 17/05/2026 13:00

Would they move to be nearer you? You could always suggest that.

rookiemere · 17/05/2026 12:49

I would position it as being concerned about the distance when they aren’t able to drive any more. Realistically with 3 school age DCs who presumably have clubs and commitments, visiting every other weekend and using up a large chunk of that day is going to be tough on you and possibly not feasible. And that’s before they get to the point where it’s no longer a social visit and you’re providing support.

Go lightly and plant the seed. It’s all you can do.

Meredusoleil · 17/05/2026 10:47

I am in a similar situation with my mum (76) who lives in a flat 4 flights of stairs up with no lift. She refuses to engage in any discussions about moving, as has lived there for over 30 years now!

Nsky62 · 17/05/2026 10:46

Not easy,is it worth them moving, and what is suitable and affordable on market