AIBU for struggling with my mum's dressings and the smell?

Just refuse & request a district nurse to come daily to change them. They can do it, you just need to push.

You’re both being failed and fobbed off.

Her legs are at huge risk of ulcerating and she needs proper treatment. Push this back to the correct person - your mum’s GP and use the NICE guidelines.

Could you change her dressings outside in the summer months. Maybe leave them off for a couple of hours to let the air get to her legs?

Like others have said get a referral to the lymphoedema nurses. Compression bandaging might be an option. Without regular specialist review there could be deterioration so regardless of how unpleasant it is you should be getting proper support. Don’t feel bad about it

This is very poor from the GP, and inequitable care. It should not matter where you live.
Tell the GP you can no longer manage the dressings and they need to take over. This is nursing care that needs a nurse.

Do you mean lymphoedema? If she has leaking Lymphoedema she needs serious nursing care. Push back with the GP. Those legs sound hospital worthy. She needs a referral to the Lymphoedema service.
You can get a pump to move lymph around although you can't use them when you have an infection. They are like a bag you put your limb into. You should also look up a Manual Lymphatic Drainage practitioner. They can help advise with compression if the NhS won't (they should but it is a postcode lottery).
This is a really serious situation and if you put her in front of a practitioner who knows anything they will say hospital.

Just to be clear, its lymphoedema your mum has, not lymphoma which is a type of blood cancer.

She needs a lymphoedema service referral for specialist compression bandaging. This has to be done by the lymphoedema nurses in clinic, or at home by the district nurses. You won’t be able to do it.

The fact that the legs are copiously weeping fluid which is saturating the dressings means that her lymphatic system is completely overwhelmed- the only thing that can fix this is adequate compression. If she doesn’t get it, her risk of cellulitis will continue to be high (this can be fatal) and her skin is at huge risk of breaking down, causing ulcers.

Get on the phone to the GP and be firm. You simply cannot provide the care she needs, it’s completely unfair. Good luck. X

I’m a community nurse in rural Scotland we visit patients sometimes daily in the back of the back of the beyond.
Request through your surgery a community nurse visit, GPs will admit they know nothing about dressings, they should at the very least might be able to provide you with super absorbent dressing pads, and ones that help absorb odour. But hopefully they will agree to visit daily if this is required.
Sometimes family do relatives dressing but only if they are happy too and the wound is healing and easily manageable and even then we usually stay involved visiting at least once a week. Location rarely plays a part in deciding if families can do dressings it’s not uncommon for us to drive 25 miles to a remote farm to do a daily dressing.

Just refuse.
Ex district nurse.

Being a carer is hard, hard work but if you weren’t there, the district nurses would have to do it. For the sake of your relationship with your mum, it might be time to stop this part of the caring. Tell the GP you simply can’t do it any more and they really will have to help. Yes, the NHS is under pressure but again, if you weren’t providing this service, the system would have to step in.

I oversee the care for my dad and there’s some things I just can’t do. There’s no guilt either in setting boundaries over what you can reasonably manage. This sounds like you’ve hit a limit and need some outside help.

This

And definitely try a mask

Can you wear a face mask? Might help. Does sound incredibly difficult

I'm surprised, us farmer types usually have iron clad stomachs!

To your actual point though, when my mother was bed bound at home she had nurses coming out to her daily. My parents don't just live rurally, they live in the arse end of nowhere (you wouldn't know it existed if you didn't have a map to prove it!) so provision can clearly be made if required.
I would be contacting the GP and explaining that just because you don't live on an estate five minutes away from the practice doesn't mean they can palm you off to manage things at home. If they are prepared to come out to Sheila at No 50 Cookie Cutter Close then they can do the same for your mother!

for Odour, charcoal impregnated dressings can be used to help with the smell.. ask your GP about that..

the worst smell ever is infected legs. Tell the GP you cannot manage anymore, what if you were not available?

If you weren’t there to do the bandages, the nurse would visit. You might have to tell them you can no longer do them and they need to take over. (I’m a district nurse).

We live rurally and the district nurses used to come and do my dad's. Please ask at the surgery as you don't want to ruin the relationship you have with your mum.

remember the covid masks those blue ones, i use 2 together and that helps with some smells

I think a mask with some tea tree oil or Vicks under your nose is the best option in this awful situation. Say it’s to reduce the risk of infection (be vague) so your Mum isn’t upset.

Poor you and your poor Mum. 💐

My heart goes out to you - I remember a very close female relative who was in very bad straits and it was horrendous. I hid the reaction but my God it was repulsive, in the true meaning of the word.

I assume you wear gloves?

I mean this very gently, but could it be that some of your reaction could be because there can be deep physical instinctual revulsion from the overtly physically severely ill? No matter how deeply the love for one's mother runs, and no one doubts you love her very deeply, but I think there can be a survival-instinct revulsion from certain sort of end-stage illnesses, especially ones involving smell/sound. There's no shame in it, it just has to be quietly acknowledged inside and then put aside and the necessary help given.

I’m so sad to hear this! I had a feeling this might be the reason you were dressing your Mums legs (I’m in London). There is not enough done for the rural folk in this country. Nobody will ever realise the smell of leaky legs and the heavy weight of the pads until they have to do it themselves. I remember training and it was overwhelming. I’m nose blind now and nothing makes me gag but I’m trained and paid to do it. You are not - you are amazing for helping your mum. I only wish I could help you! Make sure you speak to your GP surgery and tell them what you have told us. I’m hoping there is other help available to you!

Oh bless you. It shouldn't matter where you are.
Would you be prepared to tell them that it is so bad that you cannot cope with it?
It's convenient for them to have you doing it daily, but it sounds like there should be more assessment and involvement on their part.

I'd absolutely make a fuss in this instance. You are doing brilliantly, going above and beyond but you don't have medical training.
That's not meant as a criticism at all.

Oh please call them in the morning.

Good luck xxx

There's not many relatives could do that! I'm sure if you couldn't the district nurses would have to even if you live rurally, what about someone who didn't have any relatives🤷‍♂️
You have my utmost empathy, I'm an HCP worked in a hospital for over 20 years, pretty good with blood and gore but that turns my stomach totally when patients have it (i dont show it obviously). You really feel like you can't get rid of the smell up your nose. Many years ago tea tree oil was recommended which does mask the smell a bit as very strong clean smell. You could try that and wear a disposable mask like worn in hospitals with a few drops on it (white lie to your mum saying its been recommended so you don't infect it with anything else if you think it would upset her to know you can't stomach it)💐

Bless your dear heart!! Don't feel bad, anyone would find that smell repulsive no matter who they were looking after!! I hope it gets better soon xxxx