To hate parties and mingling and networking and schmoozing

I hate it too! I have to go to a party later today and am dreading it. I remember last year I had to go and I felt like a massive spare part all day. So many better things I could be doing with my time!

Sounds like he’ll

You sound like me. I am an introvert, in the popular imagination introversion equates to shyness, and social awkwardness. But it actually means from where you get your strength and recharge. Extroverts get that from parties and people, introverts from time alone, and peace. I have very good social skills but I hate parties, inane small talk, drunks. I love small gatherings with old friends and interesting conversation. I can play along for a short while at parties but it exhausts me and I get so bored.

there is nothing wrong with you. This is just the way you are. Seek out the things you want to do, and keep the stuff that makes you anxious to the minimum.

@gannett. Yes extroverts. Luckily no one was willing so I was tucked up at 10:30pm.

God, this reminds me of a company that I worked for (very short lived!) that delivered IT training. I was in HR and the sales guys ruled the roost. There were constant games, team building days, competitions and you were pulled up short if you didn’t get involved and do it with a great big smile on your face. My lowest point came, when I had to take part in a version of I’m a celebrity and eat crickets 🦗 whilst the sales team shouted and jeered - this was a great team building active apparently… I gave my notice in after that, I’d only been there 7 weeks.

It has got worse as I've got older. I hate hanging around making small talk. Nothing to do with peri/menopause, either. Once an introvert, always an introvert!

God yes, absolutely hate it. I'm ok socially, especially now we have kids and although it's not always the most thrilling topic of conversation it's usually enough of an ice breaker with other parents. But I was horribly shy and introverted through school, convinced no one wanted to speak to me, or that I was boring, and it took a long time to get over it.

Professionally, I would rather die than network. In my role I don't have to do it often, but there's usually one conference week a year where I am constantly meeting people and feigning interest in what they do while hoping against hope they don't realise I don't understand or care about 90% of what they are saying. Weirdly I'm very good at public speaking and often MC events, which I think gives people the idea I like talking to others. Couldn't be further from the truth, having a prepared MC script is very different to free-flow networking chit chat.

I don't think it has anything to do with extroversion, even in the sense of the usual Mn misunderstanding of the term as involving 'bubbliness', loud voices and terror of being alone, Just some employers, in some industries, think this kind of compulsory 'fun' is 'team-building'.

Just like some companies think it makes them terribly hip and improves staff morale if there are pingpong tables and a smoothie bar in HQ and you can slide down a slide between floors instead of taking the stairs.

God why do extroverts insist on making life so wretched for everyone else!

How many of them do this effectively though?

I've been on the receiving end of it and it can be very disconcerting - someone performatively going through the motions of social connection but more conscious of their own internal timer that says "move on to the next person" than anything you're saying. I'm bad at it because I fear coming across like that too much. But actually coming across like that isn't any better.

@CurdinHenry yes. I’m sure most of us won’t end up going. Everyone has been told no negativity allowed. Everyone must join. Some people have been told to organise the pre drinks and bar/club afterwards. although there’s already a rooftop drinks and buffet.

I’m taking milk thistle, soluble paracetamol and electrolytes.

Most senior leaders I know learn how to work the room very efficiently and visibly. And then sneak out early without being noticed.

In a room of 100 people attending these god awful seminars etc. I wonder how many of them enjoy it.

I am, and always have been, dreadful at this. Luckily for me it's not a core part of the job, but I really dread this aspect of training and conferences a few times a year. I just wish it was socially acceptable to spend breaks in a corner sat reading my book with an "it's not you, it's me" label round my neck.

Because we don't all work in that kind of job.

I'm a dog walker so nothing about my life requires me to behave formally or look presentable. Even when I'm meeting clients, I go dressed in leggings and hoodies and prepared to be jumped all over by their dogs, lol.

Your lucky your not married to my dh who thrives on socialising, small talk and networking. Like you I can’t be bothered, but am finding as I get older that when I do make an effort and find a connection with someone as a result, it can be rewarding and life enhancing.

Is this the new adhd

I can't think of anything worse than attending events like this. I'd rather gouge out my eyes with a teaspoon.

But surely it's not compulsory? Just say you will only go to the parts of the day that are business critical and part of your role. This was completely normal for senior leaders in the (very social / party central) media industry I used to work in. Most left around 6pm to put the kids to bed and let the young staff get on with it.

Also if you are in leadership you can start asking for evidence of the business need for such an event? It sounds expensive and in this day and age entertaining staff is not a priority for any business.

I love parties and mingling when they're with people I know and like, or people they know and like and will introduce me to, and the context is pleasure not work.

I absolute detest networking and schmoozing for professional reasons and am terrible at it IRL (or at least, I've never seen much direct benefit from IRL networking so I assume the people I was attempting to network with weren't impressed). Online networking is a different matter and that's where I've found a lot of professional success.

I've improved a lot at networking provided a mutual contact is there to make the introduction. I cannot introduce myself to someone I don't know in real life. Physically can't do it. Would rather die.