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Original poster

Has anyone successfully kept a FWB situation *strictly* as that?

35 replies

worldshottestmom · 16/05/2026 19:40

I’m over 1 year on from an abusive relationship and definitely do NOT want another proper relationship anytime soon. I'm in a good place and have been focusing on growth, I'm in therapy, I’m enjoying having my own space, doing what I want, and not having to factor someone else into every decision and just focusing on my kids.

That being said… I’m a very sexual person and am looking for a someone to have a casual sex-only relationship with. I have met a guy who I like, and I'm quite certain he likes me too. We get on really well, there’s chemistry, it’s easy and fun, and on paper it feels like the ideal FWB setup. My only reservation about him is that he's rather shy and let's me make all the moves. I much prefer a man who is forward and makes it known that he wants me. Bonus points if you can tell me if shy guys can be dark horses, because if not, I'll keep searching.

My main question is: how do you actually keep it at FWB? I feel like it’s very easy for these things to drift into relationship territory, I.e texting all day, spending time together, doing datey things, gradually building emotional expectations without ever having The Conversation.

I’m very clear with myself that I don’t want that, but I also know feelings/attachment can creep in when there’s regular intimacy and familiarity. So for those who’ve done this successfully:

  • Did you have explicit rules/boundaries from the start?
  • Did you avoid certain things (sleepovers, regular texting, meeting friends etc)
  • Is it realistic to think two adults can keep it casual for any meaningful length of time? Or does one person almost always end up wanting more?

I have NEVER done this before, so would genuinely love to hear real-life experiences, whether it worked brilliantly or crashed and burned. And yes, before anyone says it, I know the obvious answer is “if you have to give it this much head space, don’t do it” — but I’m curious whether anyone has actually managed the mythical healthy, drama-free FWB arrangement. Also before anyone says it, no, I'm never going to introduce him to my kids and it's not going to hinder my ability as a mother. Yes, I'm ready for this, and have spent much time working on myself (and still am).

YABU - FWB never works and someone always develops feelings

YANBU - FWB can work without becoming a formal relationship

OP posts:
PermanentTemporary · 16/05/2026 20:30

It was difficult. I didn’t exactly get it right. But I was in a terrible place emotionally and knew that I absolutely could not get into a relationship. You sound more stable.

I only managed it at all by seeing multiple guys at a time. But I still caught feelings for him. It was very painful at times.

I don’t really see how it works. Either the sex is mind blowingly good, and you want more but can’t have it, or it’s meh, and you’re not too bothered either way? Neither sounds ideal.

Hito · 16/05/2026 20:26

Perhaps you'd prefer a FB as opposed to a FWB. Easier that way.

VimesandhisCardboardBoots · 16/05/2026 20:25

Why are you expecting him to make the first move? You've been friends for years, and now you want to change that. How's he expected to know the rules have changed unless you actually tell him?

didntlikeanyofthesuggestions · 16/05/2026 20:14

It can work but it's difficult. I have one rule in place with my FWB that makes sure we remain friends and nothing more. It's worked pretty well.

Moonlightfrog · 16/05/2026 20:11

I have a FWB and have done for a few years. I think the way it’s worked for us (well me, though it seems to work for him too) is that we often go a long time without seeing each other. I have quite a busy life style where as he doesn’t, he would probably like to see me more but doesn’t complain. We share a hobby which we do together but sometimes it’s just s#x. We live an hour apart so it’s not easy to just pop over for s#x so we see each other roughly once a month which works well for me.

Random321 · 16/05/2026 20:06

Yes years ago but only really worked because there was nothing more to it than sexual attraction.

I'm not his type at all - he likes tall, blonde, model types and is as shallow as a puddle.

He's not my type as I prefer depth and intelligence.

Neither of us had a chance of catching feelings.
Both of us wanted no one to know.
We didn't spend any other time together.

For me, it doesn't work unless both of you are certain, you'll never ever consider each other as potentially more if circumstances were different.

Tunnocks34 · 16/05/2026 20:06

Sorry - I got pregnant by my FWB after a couple of months the and now we’ve been married for 14 years and have 3 kids!

user1471453601 · 16/05/2026 20:02

I had a FWB situation that worked very well.

I really liked him as a friend and he was easy on the eye. He reciprocated those feelings.

We lived about 250 miles apart but my work would occasionally bring me to his city, his work was the same in respect to my city.

For five years or so, we would meet up on the occasions we were in each other's city, we would have a meal a great laugh and sex.

Neither of us had any feelings other than we enjoyed each other's company and sex was good too.

This all happened nearly 40 years ago, but what I remember most about him was that he was a really good at friendship. The sex, while being thoroughly enjoyable, was almost incidental.

Original poster
worldshottestmom · 16/05/2026 19:51

Lifeisexpensive · 16/05/2026 19:46

It doesn't sound like you're actually friends? I think it only works if you are already friends, and then start sleeping together. Otherwise it's just starting a potential relationship and seeing what happens - inevitably either the interest wanes or one/both parties get attached.

A mate and I were FWB for years. We'd stop when one of us was in a relationship.

Oh we are friends and have been for 3 years, should of mentioned that! I was in a relationship for the first 2 years so no moves made. Since leaving my ex it was obviously too soon, but now im ready. We've gotten very flirty, have eachother on socials etc... im just like waiting for him to make a move, but hes so shy its kinda jarring.

How did you keep it FWB? Was it just a mutual understanding neither of you wanted a relationship? And did you decide this beforehand, formally? I feel like he may be the more emotional kind but idk...

OP posts:
Lifeisexpensive · 16/05/2026 19:46

It doesn't sound like you're actually friends? I think it only works if you are already friends, and then start sleeping together. Otherwise it's just starting a potential relationship and seeing what happens - inevitably either the interest wanes or one/both parties get attached.

A mate and I were FWB for years. We'd stop when one of us was in a relationship.

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