Page 9 | AIBU to buy the house I love despite my parents' concerns?

Orangebananas · 2026-05-16T15:57:03+00:00

I’m an only child of older parents, they live abroad, I live in the south of England. Not sure if it matters but I opted not to have kids and currently single! They come and stay with me maybe 3 times a year, 2 weeks on the trot before we all start hating each other. Last year I decided I would move and finally found a house I can afford. I was really excited, it’s got buckets of character, is in the perfect location for me. It’ll need a bit of work long term but nothing I’m worried about / unprepared for. Anyway, I went ahead and got my lawyer on it. Until my parents came to stay with me. I set up a viewing so they could see it, my hope was that they would love it too. Instead they were horrified, my mother had not a single positive thing to say, my father literally no opinion as usual. The entire time they stayed with me I heard all their gripes, the main being the stairs were too old and narrow and that there was no downstairs loo. Now my dad is banging on about how I should compromise and buy somewhere that basically they like and inconveniences me by being out of the area I love and is practical to me. Im trying to find solutions to the above like putting a loo in, but does this make me a dickhead if I buy it? If they can’t handle stairs it seems unlikely they will get on a plane to stay with me anyway. It’s driving me mad, I just want to buy the place that I love and be happy there. I can’t deal with all this nonsense and guilt. I work really hard and I don’t want to mortgage too high to get a place that has loads more space that I’ll pay to heat but never use. Or am I being a shitty selfish only child not thinking about what they want?

PinkHairbrushClub · 16/05/2026 17:52

You need to buy a home for the people living in it. That’s you and not your parents. You have to be happy in it. There are other options for visiting but this is your whole life. Your home. Go for it! Then figure out how to support parents after.

Holdinguphalfthesky · 16/05/2026 17:52

So your parents want you to live 52 weeks a year in a house they like, in an area that they like, so that during the 6 weeks they they stay with you, they can benefit from it?

On the other hand, you want to buy a house and move to a different area which suits your life better, and you are going to live in this house and this life 52 weeks a year?

On what planet is it reasonable for your parents to insist you live as if you were nothing more than a caretaker for a hotel they like to stay in? They are absolutely taking the piss!

Twatterati · 16/05/2026 17:51

Like you say, if (when) stairs become an issue getting around an airport and on a plane will also be tricky so visits from them might reduce or stop.

When they visit before that happens, you’d possibly get on a better if they stayed in an AirBnB/hotel anyway so it’s a win-win.

You have to do what is right FOR YOU and your future, not theirs. Don’t compromise on mortgage size and location for this. You’re not being selfish.

PenelopePinkerton · 16/05/2026 17:51

Totally ignore them. It’s your house not theirs and you should not compromise for a 2 week visit from them. They can stay elsewhere if they are not happy with it.

Mcdhotchoc · 16/05/2026 17:51

If they are that unhappy they can stay in a hotel.
Win win i say

TheGander · 16/05/2026 17:50

Birdsongisangry · 16/05/2026 17:18

I know there are exceptions, but in my experience our parents generation give bad advice about housing because their experience/expectations are out of kilter with the market.
We were criticised for not having a downstairs loo, a driveway or better gardens. Well yes, two bed terraces don't tend to have these things, but yes it is all we can afford, and yes that is how much houses cost, no we're not getting scammed!

That’s so true. Back in 2004 when I bought my flat and moved from rental in zone 1 which suited my father just perfectly whenever he came to London ( close to all his favourite tweedy historians’ haunts) to zone 3 he went bananas at me, because it cost a lot more then £22000 he’d last paid for a property in the 80s. As far as he was concerned I just needed to wait for a house price crash ( which never happened). Thank God I didn’t listen to him or I’d still be renting- in zone 6.

auserna · 16/05/2026 17:50

Orangebananas · 16/05/2026 17:46

I get that but I’m in my 30s. I’m not buying a bungalow at this age 😂

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Quite. You shouldn't feel pressured into buying your retirement home 40 or 50 years before you need it.

2chocolateoranges · 16/05/2026 17:50

It’s your money, your choice and your home. Pick one that suits you.

my mum wasn’t too happy with the area we bought our first home in, it wasnt the best area but we loved it fast forward 25 years and we are still in it..

Bigcat25 · 16/05/2026 17:49

You aren't selfish. Longer commutes are brutal. They could contribute if they want you to have a bigger space. They don't even spend much time there.

Feis123 · 16/05/2026 17:49

Jellycatspyjamas · 16/05/2026 17:45

The OP isn’t their age now, the stairs aren’t a problem for her. At a point that they become a problem she has the choice to buy something different. Most people don’t buy one house to see them from cradle to grave.

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Yeah, cos everyone would be thrilled to buy a house with no downstairs toilet and rickety stairs, I forgot. I think you will find only folk with unlimited money (or a recent head trauma) will entertain buying a money pit at any age. Unless this is a cunning plan?

Owly11 · 16/05/2026 17:49

You have to live there, buy the place you love. Parents can stay in a hotel when they come or an air b and b.

Original poster

Orangebananas · 16/05/2026 17:48

auserna · 16/05/2026 17:40

Did you parents consult you before they bought their current house?

This has got me thinking about the house I grew up in - which I would never in a million years have bought. We’re different people and have different priorities and tastes. Thus it looks like I’ll keep going and learn to live with the inevitable fall out!

OP posts:

SapphireSeptember · 16/05/2026 17:47

Feis123 · 16/05/2026 17:39

Guess what? One day you will be their age - or do you think that those old narrow stairs will have no impact on you? Just as the lack of a downstairs toilet. Unless you are doing the house up for a flip, this is a great inconvenience you will have to navigate, you must bear it in mind. But like may posters say 'sod the parents and their wisdom'. A great proverb goes 'Only fools learn from their own experience, intelligent people learn from others' experience'. Listen to your parents!
Edited to add: Yeah, by all means, listen to the randos on MN - they have your best interest at heart, unlike your nasty parents with gripes, who only wish for your downfall.

Edited

You can put a stair lift or an actual lift in, and a downstairs loo. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Original poster

Orangebananas · 16/05/2026 17:46

Feis123 · 16/05/2026 17:39

Guess what? One day you will be their age - or do you think that those old narrow stairs will have no impact on you? Just as the lack of a downstairs toilet. Unless you are doing the house up for a flip, this is a great inconvenience you will have to navigate, you must bear it in mind. But like may posters say 'sod the parents and their wisdom'. A great proverb goes 'Only fools learn from their own experience, intelligent people learn from others' experience'. Listen to your parents!
Edited to add: Yeah, by all means, listen to the randos on MN - they have your best interest at heart, unlike your nasty parents with gripes, who only wish for your downfall.

Edited

I get that but I’m in my 30s. I’m not buying a bungalow at this age 😂

OP posts:

Jellycatspyjamas · 16/05/2026 17:45

Feis123 · 16/05/2026 17:39

Guess what? One day you will be their age - or do you think that those old narrow stairs will have no impact on you? Just as the lack of a downstairs toilet. Unless you are doing the house up for a flip, this is a great inconvenience you will have to navigate, you must bear it in mind. But like may posters say 'sod the parents and their wisdom'. A great proverb goes 'Only fools learn from their own experience, intelligent people learn from others' experience'. Listen to your parents!
Edited to add: Yeah, by all means, listen to the randos on MN - they have your best interest at heart, unlike your nasty parents with gripes, who only wish for your downfall.

Edited

The OP isn’t their age now, the stairs aren’t a problem for her. At a point that they become a problem she has the choice to buy something different. Most people don’t buy one house to see them from cradle to grave.

Jellycatspyjamas · 16/05/2026 17:43

Orangebananas · 16/05/2026 17:08

The problem is they have no knowledge of the market, they seem to think if I just keep waiting then by some miracle there will be a house that works for all of us - but I know that is not going to happen!

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It doesn’t need to work for all of you, it needs to work for you. You’re paying for it and you’ll be living there, you’re a fully independent adult, your parents don’t get a vote in what you do anymore.

Original poster

Orangebananas · 16/05/2026 17:42

Bettermuseli · 16/05/2026 17:12

Is there a compromise whereby you visit them instead, or you jointly rent an accessible place for out of season holidays together, rather than you buying a house suitable for their needs?

They prefer to come here so my mum can see her old mates etc. and my dad basically won’t go anywhere else.

OP posts:

auserna · 16/05/2026 17:40

Did you parents consult you before they bought their current house?

Feis123 · 16/05/2026 17:39

Guess what? One day you will be their age - or do you think that those old narrow stairs will have no impact on you? Just as the lack of a downstairs toilet. Unless you are doing the house up for a flip, this is a great inconvenience you will have to navigate, you must bear it in mind. But like may posters say 'sod the parents and their wisdom'. A great proverb goes 'Only fools learn from their own experience, intelligent people learn from others' experience'. Listen to your parents!
Edited to add: Yeah, by all means, listen to the randos on MN - they have your best interest at heart, unlike your nasty parents with gripes, who only wish for your downfall.

tiptoethrutulips · 16/05/2026 17:39

You have to live your life ... not buying a house because your parents don't like it isn't your problem to solve, especially if 'solving it' means you need to spend more and they're not willing to help you with that.

Mt563 · 16/05/2026 17:38

BerryTwister · 16/05/2026 17:22

@Mt563 I’m confused - why would they keep going back to the hotel and out to cafes, rather than just going upstairs to the toilet?

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Because the stairs narrow and possibly steep (assuming from 'old' based on my experience of victorian terraces) so they'll struggle to get up them, hence mentioning the lack of downstairs loo and people suggesting they stay at an accessible travelodge or similar nearby.

WonsWoo · 16/05/2026 17:29

Edited as wrong thread!!

tara66 · 16/05/2026 17:29

Let property be your one true love - but it can be difficult too!

Happyjoe · 16/05/2026 17:29

95% of the time you'll be there on your own, buy it! It's not often a house sings to you. Buy it, do it up, enjoy your home.

BillieWiper · 16/05/2026 17:28

Tell them they can sleep on a sofa bed in the living room and you'll buy a commode if they both become too infirm to manage stairs but still wish to travel and stay with you for weeks on end.

It's your life, your money. Buy the house you want to live in now. Not one your parents might wish to reside in if/when they become physically disabled.