Page 8 | AIBU to buy the house I love despite my parents' concerns?

chasetheace99 · 16/05/2026 18:30

Would you be able to buy a studio to put in your garden for them to stay in that you could use as an office or sunroom when they aren’t there?

Keroppi · 16/05/2026 18:29

Well the market is really slow right now so if you're in a good position you could wait or do lower offers, especially if it needs work

Don't discount how hard it is to get reliable trades right now and how massively the price of materials and labour is. It's absolutely crazy I had to book a plumber in 3 months in advance. Dorset here btw

So if it's a period house just be careful as they all have suffered from multiple handy andy owners so you end up undoing a lot and getting more work than you bargained for.. ask me how I know.. removed wallpaper and the whole wall came off... wiring was done by someone presumably with their eyes closed ... mold surveys the lot. And that was when workmen and HEATING! were cheaper than now 🤑

But I wouldn't be letting their opinions sway you unless it's logical and wise advice eg wiring issues or damp they can see. No downstairs loo is annoying
It sounds like they're counting on moving back in with you. In my experience brits abroad never stay abroad they always come back for care or end of life care so it's worth having a chat about that with them if not already done so

thepariscrimefiles · 16/05/2026 18:29

How on earth are you being selfish? It's going to be your home so if you like it, that's all that matters. You parents are being selfish by expecting you to buy a house that meets their requirements rather than your own, when they won't be living there or paying for it.

bettyboo9 · 16/05/2026 18:25

Absolutely not!!

Original poster

Orangebananas · 16/05/2026 18:23

Justmadesourkraut · 16/05/2026 17:54

UANBU to buy the house you want. They live abroad and you need to live your life.

But be aware that if they are frail, or struggle with stairs, this will impact them and they will want a good moan! It's ok for them to be disappointed. Their 6 weeks a year with you is built into their routine. They probably enjoy it and more to the point, they've come to expect it. They now have to adjust their expectations, if they don't feel comfy in a house with no downstairs loo.

Look into Air bnbs for them, with downstairs looks,where they can stay locally, or you stay with them. It sounds as if they can afford it, and if they have to change their routine to twice a year instead of 3 times a year in order to do so, then that's a compromise they may need to consider.

Any solution you offer them won't be ideal - they've got their ideal now and won't want to change - but there are solutions there.

Yes this is very much how I feel about it but couldn’t quite work out if I was being a bit of a dick for thinking that way.

OP posts:

TFImBackIn · 16/05/2026 18:22

TBH I wouldn't buy that house. If they're staying with you for 6 weeks a year I'd take their needs into account because it would be too miserable otherwise. I wouldn't let them tell me what to buy, but I would buy something that was accessible for them on visits (but not so accessible they could live with me!)

Jamlighter · 16/05/2026 18:22

buy it

Original poster

Orangebananas · 16/05/2026 18:20

Fantailed · 16/05/2026 17:23

I don’t see why you’re taking their input so seriously, OP. My parents were horrified when we bought a big, battered old house in a v prestigious ‘old money’ suburb. It wasn’t that the house needed work, it was that the location meant we were ‘getting above ourselves’ because hospital consultants and lawyers live here (near three hospitals) and they thought we should have bought in a LMC suburb whose location was far less suitable for my job and DS’ school. 😀

Just ignore.

Wild! You’d think they’d be made up for you being able to do it at all!
Hope you love it and well done on making the right choice for you all!

OP posts:

Bettermuseli · 16/05/2026 18:19

Orangebananas · 16/05/2026 17:42

They prefer to come here so my mum can see her old mates etc. and my dad basically won’t go anywhere else.

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Maybe they could stay with an old mate when your stairs get too much?
Hope it works out, you need to buy the home you love.

GethsemaneHall · 16/05/2026 18:18

independentfriend · 16/05/2026 18:10

Lack of a ground floor loo is a risk to you - means you couldn't go home with a broken leg / injured ankle etc. But you can work round that by knowing you'd have to stay in a hotel or with a friend if you had that kind of injury.

It will also be part of the reason the house is a relatively good price.

So it's worth getting your surveyor to check there's no impediment to fitting one in due course.

Narrow stairs can be a considerable problem when moving in with large pieces of furniture - take photos to show your removal company. And also check what the scope is for widening them if you ever want to in the future. Again that's a question for your surveyor.

If you can fit a ground floor loo and there's a room that could work as a bedroom for your parents on that floor the stairs won't impact them at all (unless the kitchen / living area are on another floor).

Eh? Who the heck buys a house based on a hypothetical injury scenario? 🤯
If I broke my leg and had to come home to my house with no downstairs loo I imagine I would have to make use of a camping toilet or commode.

Bikergran · 16/05/2026 18:16

Orangebananas · 16/05/2026 16:57

I’m an only child of older parents, they live abroad, I live in the south of England. Not sure if it matters but I opted not to have kids and currently single! They come and stay with me maybe 3 times a year, 2 weeks on the trot before we all start hating each other.

Last year I decided I would move and finally found a house I can afford. I was really excited, it’s got buckets of character, is in the perfect location for me. It’ll need a bit of work long term but nothing I’m worried about / unprepared for.
Anyway, I went ahead and got my lawyer on it. Until my parents came to stay with me.
I set up a viewing so they could see it, my hope was that they would love it too. Instead they were horrified, my mother had not a single positive thing to say, my father literally no opinion as usual. The entire time they stayed with me I heard all their gripes, the main being the stairs were too old and narrow and that there was no downstairs loo. Now my dad is banging on about how I should compromise and buy somewhere that basically they like and inconveniences me by being out of the area I love and is practical to me.
Im trying to find solutions to the above like putting a loo in, but does this make me a dickhead if I buy it?

If they can’t handle stairs it seems unlikely they will get on a plane to stay with me anyway.
It’s driving me mad, I just want to buy the place that I love and be happy there. I can’t deal with all this nonsense and guilt. I work really hard and I don’t want to mortgage too high to get a place that has loads more space that I’ll pay to heat but never use.

Or am I being a shitty selfish only child not thinking about what they want?

Install a downstairs loo (with shower if you have room, it will add value), and if they want to stay, buy a sofa bed for your living room so they can sleep downstairs. If they don't like it they can go to a hotel.

Sartre · 16/05/2026 18:15

Buy it. Try and put a downstairs loo in regardless just because it’s useful! You're the only one living in it ultimately, they just visit for two weeks every year so don’t get a say.

Original poster

Orangebananas · 16/05/2026 18:15

Feis123 · 16/05/2026 17:49

Yeah, cos everyone would be thrilled to buy a house with no downstairs toilet and rickety stairs, I forgot. I think you will find only folk with unlimited money (or a recent head trauma) will entertain buying a money pit at any age. Unless this is a cunning plan?

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You sound a bit bitter babe. If someone like me can afford it and loves it, there’ll be someone like me in the future that can afford it and loves it. Lots of people like character and original features and frankly I didn’t grow up with a downstairs loo so no idea when this became the norm 😂

OP posts:

ShodAndShadySenators · 16/05/2026 18:14

Another vote for you to buy what suits you and not your parents. You're going to be living there full-time, not them.

Re downstairs loo, I put one in under the stairs in my previous house, it was amazing to be able to nip in there quickly rather than traipsing up the stairs all the time. And also leg/foot injuries are not age-dependent, so if you have the chance to put in a shower room instead of just a cloakroom, I would. So much easier if you're on crutches or anything like that.

But you know, whatever you want. It's your house-to-be, not anyone else's. You'll be paying the mortgage/bills, it's your call.

Original poster

Orangebananas · 16/05/2026 18:12

TheGander · 16/05/2026 17:50

That’s so true. Back in 2004 when I bought my flat and moved from rental in zone 1 which suited my father just perfectly whenever he came to London ( close to all his favourite tweedy historians’ haunts) to zone 3 he went bananas at me, because it cost a lot more then £22000 he’d last paid for a property in the 80s. As far as he was concerned I just needed to wait for a house price crash ( which never happened). Thank God I didn’t listen to him or I’d still be renting- in zone 6.

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You totally get it - they can’t fathom how much the market has changed.

OP posts:

independentfriend · 16/05/2026 18:10

Lack of a ground floor loo is a risk to you - means you couldn't go home with a broken leg / injured ankle etc. But you can work round that by knowing you'd have to stay in a hotel or with a friend if you had that kind of injury.

It will also be part of the reason the house is a relatively good price.

So it's worth getting your surveyor to check there's no impediment to fitting one in due course.

Narrow stairs can be a considerable problem when moving in with large pieces of furniture - take photos to show your removal company. And also check what the scope is for widening them if you ever want to in the future. Again that's a question for your surveyor.

If you can fit a ground floor loo and there's a room that could work as a bedroom for your parents on that floor the stairs won't impact them at all (unless the kitchen / living area are on another floor).

Mumstheword1983 · 16/05/2026 18:10

BellaVita · 16/05/2026 16:59

They are being very selfish. If they are not happy with the house of your choice then they can stay at a hotel/airbnb if they come and visit.

GO AND BUY IT!!

This. Good luck OP. Sounds ideal.

FirstdatesFred · 16/05/2026 18:07

If you’re confident they’ve got YOUR best interests at heart then maybe give some thought to their opinion, but doesn’t sound like that’s the case! I wouldn’t like no downstairs loo because of visitors going upstairs and seeing the mess 😆 but if it’s a compromise you‘Re prepared to make that’s what matters. If it has a downstairs loo it would probably be pricier.

Idontjetwashthefucker · 16/05/2026 18:06

Feis123 · 16/05/2026 17:49

Yeah, cos everyone would be thrilled to buy a house with no downstairs toilet and rickety stairs, I forgot. I think you will find only folk with unlimited money (or a recent head trauma) will entertain buying a money pit at any age. Unless this is a cunning plan?

Show quote history

You are being ridiculous!

hallenbad · 16/05/2026 18:01

Op if you had a husband and kids you would be thinking about what’s best for your family. Did you really opt to stay childfree so your parents would replace children as your priority and dependants? Surely not! Presumably you did it so you can enjoy your life and think about what suits you. So go for it I say! Buy the house you love.

Hallamule · 16/05/2026 17:59

You are absolutely not unreasonable to buy the house you want. However, if you want your parents or other elderly relatives (and elderly friends eventually) to come stay with you then you do need to think about things like toilets and stairs (it is of course completely fine not to prioritise these things, its first and foremost your home).

Italiangreyhound · 16/05/2026 17:58

Do what is best for you. Your parents can stay in a hotel.

You can get a downstairs loo put in if you want.

Good luck.

Bettermuseli · 16/05/2026 17:56

Twatterati · 16/05/2026 17:51

Like you say, if (when) stairs become an issue getting around an airport and on a plane will also be tricky so visits from them might reduce or stop.

When they visit before that happens, you’d possibly get on a better if they stayed in an AirBnB/hotel anyway so it’s a win-win.

You have to do what is right FOR YOU and your future, not theirs. Don’t compromise on mortgage size and location for this. You’re not being selfish.

There would be lifts and assistance for air travel. Steep narrow stairs are a real hazard for less mobile people. It might not be possible for op's parents to stay with her but therr are other solutions.

nOlives · 16/05/2026 17:56

Buy it!
A downstairs loo is always nice so if you can add one and want to then do.

Justmadesourkraut · 16/05/2026 17:54

UANBU to buy the house you want. They live abroad and you need to live your life.

But be aware that if they are frail, or struggle with stairs, this will impact them and they will want a good moan! It's ok for them to be disappointed. Their 6 weeks a year with you is built into their routine. They probably enjoy it and more to the point, they've come to expect it. They now have to adjust their expectations, if they don't feel comfy in a house with no downstairs loo.

Look into Air bnbs for them, with downstairs looks,where they can stay locally, or you stay with them. It sounds as if they can afford it, and if they have to change their routine to twice a year instead of 3 times a year in order to do so, then that's a compromise they may need to consider.

Any solution you offer them won't be ideal - they've got their ideal now and won't want to change - but there are solutions there.