AIBU to buy the house I love despite my parents' concerns?

Please don't forgo what you love to pander to other people's selfish desires, let them sleep on a put you up downstairs,or stay at a hotel they like. You only get one live, live it for yourself,just like they do

This!

Buy your house and be happy there.....

You are an adult. Why do they get a say in where you live and how you spend your money?

they visit you 2 weeks per year. Focus on the other 50 and build a life that is a fit for you.

You like it you buy it. You will figure something out for the few times your parents visit. Premier Inn etc.

The house sounds perfect for you. Go for it xx.

When the time comes you will be grateful for a downstairs loo and also you not being able to navigate steep stairs yourself. Think longterm for your own needs. You may well regret steep stairs and no downstairs loo when you’re older!

Have they always been controlling?

"Or am I being a shitty selfish only child not thinking about what they want?"

Far from it. In fact the reverse is true, and they are being completely selfish in only considering their own wants and not yours. You're an adult and they appear to have forgotten that you are no longer someone who has to do as they are told.

@DilemmaDelilah i didn’t call you manipulative, I said that the belief these parents have that they should have a veto on her home, and the way they’re pressuring their dd is manipulative. Like you, they could meet their dd out of her home if its location or arrangement didn’t suit them. Unlike you, they’ve chosen to live abroad so they don’t have a drop-in relationship with the OP, and seem to see her home as their holiday house, over which they should get a say. I think that’s outrageous.

Bad parents

not having a downstairs loo is a "great inconvenience you will have to navigate"? 😁
I didn't realise I'd been living in such terrible circumstances. Might call shelter and complain!

OP I've had exactly the same thing house buying, my parents have very different ideas on what's a 'good' house compared to me. I think your house sounds amazing! Go for it! It sounds like your parents have more than enough money to stay elsewhere if they don't want to stay with you when they come to visit. Either way it's really not your problem! I imagine you haven't refused to stay with them when you visit their country because their decor isn't to your preferred taste!

I feel you OP. My parents were dead set on us buying a new build, so when we bought a dated 80s place five years ago they were very vocal in their dissapointment. Vividly remember the difference between my friends DM visiting for the first time (helping me identify plants in the garden, offering up her wallpaper stripper, giving me ideas for paint colours) and my own DM, sitting in stony silence on the sofa refusing to even acknowledge the fact she was sitting in a new house. We would never dream of asking them for money or help with the house, so I have no idea why they were so set on us buying a new build. Presumably because it was what they did back in the 80s.

@Holdinguphalfthesky I was just waiting for somebody to pipe up and tell me how selfish and manipulative I was!

I would not - and did not - expect my daughter to buy a house that didn't suit her - and she didn't. She lives just 5 miles away but doesn't have a car - so if we want to see her we either have to visit her or go and collect her. My other daughter lives 6 hours away and I couldn't visit her as I couldn't travel for that amount of time. It was a very difficult time for me not being able to see them very much.

I was just suggesting that the OP weighs up ALL the pros and cons, for her, before making the decision.

Oh grow up!

most house built before the 90s have no downstairs loo. millions live in houses like this. Millions would also purchase one

OP has also said she might put one in.

Sorry on my phone but without my glasses - you get the idea!

I am an only child too. It can make expectations harder but you can’t make parents reasonable and at the point where they behave like this they are being awful and insensitive. It’s ok to disappoint them. It’s fine for them to be unhappy but not for them to be rude. The I love you very much but stop conversation is a good one to have. They simply dony get to make all of their choices then choices that suit them for you. It’s selfish. Tell them clearly then shut down any further conversation. It’s fine for you to be disappointed too - what a silly view point they have but we often have to have a they are doing as good as they can within their limited understanding feel to conversations with some people. They are happy to make you upset but you are very solicitous of their feelings which is a difficult imbalance - get happier with disapproval. It’s there issue not yours. Also I live in an area full of steel terraces - loads of old people in them with upstairs bathrooms. I helped a very old lady home once then watched her scamper up the stairs on her hands and feet - made me realise why we have won many old but independent types around - we have many hills too so I guess they get plenty of exercise.

I’m wondering if they eventually plan to sell their house abroad and move in with OP.

OP, good parents would be thrilled that their only child whom lives in another country on her own, has found a property in the area that she loves and has support.
It would be a source of real joy.
I think it is very toxic that they are so focused on their needs and not celebrating your luck in finding this property.
Please buy this property and invest in therapy for your future health.
Their position on this and selfishness is unfathomable.

First post as always

and maybe you go and visit them more

tho I bet their concern about no downstairs toilet esp if you have one now

As another poster has said, you are buying a home for you, not a holiday home for your parents.

I assume that they chose to move abroad without consulting you, so you shouldn't be guilt-tripped into buying a house that meets their needs but not your own. You have obviously fallen in love with the house, so you should definitely buy it.

It would be great if I could buy a house that works for us all.

No. Have my full support to buy the house that suits you and you only. Your house. Your life. Your choice.

Giving you money was a kind act from parents who could afford it. In a way it suited them, gave them a chance to guiltlessly get on with their own lives. It does not give them leverage now. I don’t consider this with my AC nor should I.

There is a part of me wondering if them moving abroad they saw it as always the ‘deal‘ that they also had somewhere here to use as they liked.

That isn’t fair to you, isn’t respectful of you. Put your foot down and proceed with this property. Enjoy it to the full while they stay elsewhere when they visit. Don’t allow their age and the idea of few years left sway your decision. It isn’t selfish, it’s self-regarding.

Don't let your parents control your life and decisions.

Choose the house that works for you.

I don't know how old you are but I assume you might want to have a partner and even a family one day so your parents can't expect to alway be your priority and assume that they will move in and you will take care of them.

It is incredibly selfish of them to think like that and not let you live your life.

They can always stay in an accessible hotel/B&B and so on when they visit and they need to stop seeing you as a free carer for the rest of their life...

You will need to work to pay your mortgage and taking care of two elderly people on your own would be a struggle anyway.

Buy the house!