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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to buy the house I love despite my parents' concerns?

259 replies

Orangebananas · 16/05/2026 16:57

I’m an only child of older parents, they live abroad, I live in the south of England. Not sure if it matters but I opted not to have kids and currently single! They come and stay with me maybe 3 times a year, 2 weeks on the trot before we all start hating each other.

Last year I decided I would move and finally found a house I can afford. I was really excited, it’s got buckets of character, is in the perfect location for me. It’ll need a bit of work long term but nothing I’m worried about / unprepared for.
Anyway, I went ahead and got my lawyer on it. Until my parents came to stay with me.
I set up a viewing so they could see it, my hope was that they would love it too. Instead they were horrified, my mother had not a single positive thing to say, my father literally no opinion as usual. The entire time they stayed with me I heard all their gripes, the main being the stairs were too old and narrow and that there was no downstairs loo. Now my dad is banging on about how I should compromise and buy somewhere that basically they like and inconveniences me by being out of the area I love and is practical to me.
Im trying to find solutions to the above like putting a loo in, but does this make me a dickhead if I buy it?

If they can’t handle stairs it seems unlikely they will get on a plane to stay with me anyway.
It’s driving me mad, I just want to buy the place that I love and be happy there. I can’t deal with all this nonsense and guilt. I work really hard and I don’t want to mortgage too high to get a place that has loads more space that I’ll pay to heat but never use.

Or am I being a shitty selfish only child not thinking about what they want?

OP posts:
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Usesomewords · 19/05/2026 21:47

Why are you asking your parents? If you'd bought it and then showed them they couldn't complain!

Katiesaidthat · 19/05/2026 15:58

My mum used to come and stay at a hotel in the village as i live at the top of a "bloody great hill" (her words 🙂) and she´s disabled, so don´t sweat it. Buy the house you want and I am sure there will be Premier Inn and such other options nearby.

Commonscense · 19/05/2026 15:17

Do what suits you best. If they really want to visit, then they can find somewhere close by and if there is nowhere suitable then you can visit them in their home.
Don’t fall into the trap of feeling responsible/guilty/sorry for them.
It sounds as though they’ve been happy to do what suits them for quite a while but now when that applies to you, they don’t like it.
Remember too that if you DO buy somewhere to suit them, then you might find that they could easily suggest moving in at a later date and you would be awkwardly placed,

neveraskingtime · 19/05/2026 13:02

Orangebananas · 17/05/2026 19:47

Yes this is my worry! I want something I can afford to keep up solo while the world is going down the pan!

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So true. Couldn't agree more re world going down the pan. Esp since jobs are in short supply and rapidly falling, can't think of anything worse than getting a large mortgage at this time. Your parents ABU.

Coffeeslurper · 18/05/2026 18:18

Awww, that sounds tough. It can take a bit of work and brain rewiring, or unprogramming unhelpful or false beliefs, then being faced with disapproval, but there's liberation at the other side. And like someone else put brilliantly, they chose to live abroad, you can choose your own house. You've fled the nest after all. Please put yourself first. If they want a house where you live they can find one. It's not your problem. Best of luck with learning to do what is right for you. I have a response now for when people disapprove of my choices, expecting me to adjust because they're used to it. I no longer budge and say things like "and I trust your ability to get through it" or some variation of that. "That's none of my business" is another one. You can even just announce that you're putting your own needs first from now on. When people have your interests at heart, they do accept that.

BauhausOfEliott · 18/05/2026 14:57

Orangebananas · 16/05/2026 17:08

The problem is they have no knowledge of the market, they seem to think if I just keep waiting then by some miracle there will be a house that works for all of us - but I know that is not going to happen!

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they seem to think if I just keep waiting then by some miracle there will be a house that works for all of us

Even if that were true, you don't need a house that 'works for all of you' because YOUR house doesn't need to work for anyone but you.

Your parents sound extremely selfish and overbearing. My mum would never in a million years expect to have a say in my choice of house!

Original poster
Orangebananas · 18/05/2026 14:48

Nostyle26 · 18/05/2026 14:24

Fellow only child here with parents that lived abroad from when I was 17-39. We have a good relationship but they didn't consult me when they moved abroad and I have never worried about them when finding somewhere to live!
I have never had a spare bedroom for them to stay in, couldn't afford one in the part of the country that I live in. I felt some guilt about the cost of them staying in hotels or airbnbs, but at the end of the day it was their choice to move abroad.

They moved back to the UK 4 years ago and bought somewhere 20 minutes from where I lived, since then I have been through a divorce and subsequently moved to a different area that is a little further away from them (more like an hour or so). I didn't think about them during this process, the area I live in now is best for me and my son. We can't afford a spare bedroom and (clutch your pearls) only have an upstairs bathroom.

OP your parents have gotten very used to the current set up which happens to prioritise them and their needs, but you have to put yourself first. You've even said in an updated post that they can afford to buy a flat of their own to stay in, it isn't as though they have no options. Don't fall out with them over it, but do put yourself first. Don't make sacrifices for 46 weeks of the year just to appease them for 6.

Well done for being able to afford a house that excites you in an area that you want to live in - especially as you are doing it all on your own. Get the surveys done and if the place is sound just go for it!

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Clutch your pearls hahahaha!

Thank you for this, this is really good to hear from a fellow only child who gets it. I think a lot of people dont understand how hard this dynamic can be.
You're totally right, they're used to things how they are, but that doesnt work for me any more so I need to sort myself out! Sounds like you have navigated both worlds and have showed your son how to have healthy boundaries, salute you for doing it solo, he's lucky to have you.

Thanks so much - fingers crossed the survey isnt a shitshow...

OP posts:
Nostyle26 · 18/05/2026 14:24

Orangebananas · 16/05/2026 19:41

Agree, I thought it was fairly normal to have one bathroom upstairs but suppose it depends on what you’re used to!
and yes you’re right re choices, I’ve always been a little bit sad about the fact we weren’t able to have that convenience and type of relationship that comes from popping in, but that didn’t stop them so this shouldn’t stop me!

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Fellow only child here with parents that lived abroad from when I was 17-39. We have a good relationship but they didn't consult me when they moved abroad and I have never worried about them when finding somewhere to live!
I have never had a spare bedroom for them to stay in, couldn't afford one in the part of the country that I live in. I felt some guilt about the cost of them staying in hotels or airbnbs, but at the end of the day it was their choice to move abroad.

They moved back to the UK 4 years ago and bought somewhere 20 minutes from where I lived, since then I have been through a divorce and subsequently moved to a different area that is a little further away from them (more like an hour or so). I didn't think about them during this process, the area I live in now is best for me and my son. We can't afford a spare bedroom and (clutch your pearls) only have an upstairs bathroom.

OP your parents have gotten very used to the current set up which happens to prioritise them and their needs, but you have to put yourself first. You've even said in an updated post that they can afford to buy a flat of their own to stay in, it isn't as though they have no options. Don't fall out with them over it, but do put yourself first. Don't make sacrifices for 46 weeks of the year just to appease them for 6.

Well done for being able to afford a house that excites you in an area that you want to live in - especially as you are doing it all on your own. Get the surveys done and if the place is sound just go for it!

BeMintSwan · 18/05/2026 12:39

It has nothing to do with them.

AnxietySloth · 18/05/2026 12:27

Can't believe people had a go at you about saying you hate each other after two weeks. TWO WEEKS IS MAD! I can do about 2 days with my most loved loved-ones! You know the saying 'visitors and fish both go off after 3 days'.

ANYWAY... you sound lovely, and you have a skewed amount of guilt and responsibility towards your parents, who - from the sounds of things - fucked off abroad despite having only one child!!! So where was their responsibility towards you?!? Buy the house - it sounds really lovely. They lived their lives and now you get to live yours.

Gossipisgood · 18/05/2026 10:33

Do what's right for you. Your parents aren't always going to be around so you need to do what feels right for yourself. Buy the house if it's what you want. If they don't want to come & stay that's on them. They can come to visit & stay in a B N B or hotel if they can't manage the stairs in your new home.

TinkersBelle · 18/05/2026 09:50

Hey it’s you who will be buying the house & living there so do what’s right for you! Your folks can stay in a hotel or air BNB if needs be & if they get cranky about it well that’s on them too! Damn folks being so entitled expecting their adult kids to adhere to their demands! Buy the home you love & enjoy your life there, they made their choice to live where they do so do what’s right for you & be happy, only one life we get. Good luck 🏠

Dontknowwhattodo21 · 18/05/2026 09:27

They come and stay with you for 6 weeks of the year, please buy the house you love. You will be living in it, not them. Don't let them moaning about stairs and no downstairs toilet put you off your dream house!

Francestein · 18/05/2026 08:26

I think you need to consider that the strength of their opinions are because they have made plans to move in with you (to be looked after) in their dotage? You’re the one with no kids, etc…. Now is the time to express very clear boundaries. You’re buying the house for you to live in, not for them.

mambojambodothetango · 18/05/2026 08:18

They can stay in a hotel

Pineapplewhip · 18/05/2026 06:40

They are totally unreasonable of course, but as an alternative perspective - could they be thinking about how unsuitable this would be for you, in your old age?

As a single woman on her own - maybe they're thinking of you well WELLLL into the future, still at the house in your 80s. In their scenario - they're dead, theres no partner or kids around to help you if you fall or need a downstairs loo?

They're still unreasonable - im just trying to think of how they could have been so negative without a selfish element?

Original poster
Orangebananas · 18/05/2026 06:24

JohnTheRevelator · 17/05/2026 20:59

Bloody hell. They may be your parents but they don't have the right to impose upon you their specifications for a house! You will be the one living in it all the time,not them! Surely they could stay in a Travelodge or Premier Inn if they come to stay with you? Your situation brought to mind something a friend of mine told me a few years ago when she was in the process of finding a new flat. Apparently her sister said to her 'Make sure you get somewhere that's got free parking for when I come to visit you'. Where she currently was you had to pay for the parking. My friend said 'FFS,does she think that's the only thing I'm going to consider when viewing places? That she doesn't have to pay for parking?'.

Hard relate - this is exactly the attitude haha! Alas I’ve made my decision so will navigate the inevitable fall out!

OP posts:
Feis123 · 17/05/2026 23:38

Bella Fleace gave a party.

JohnTheRevelator · 17/05/2026 20:59

Bloody hell. They may be your parents but they don't have the right to impose upon you their specifications for a house! You will be the one living in it all the time,not them! Surely they could stay in a Travelodge or Premier Inn if they come to stay with you? Your situation brought to mind something a friend of mine told me a few years ago when she was in the process of finding a new flat. Apparently her sister said to her 'Make sure you get somewhere that's got free parking for when I come to visit you'. Where she currently was you had to pay for the parking. My friend said 'FFS,does she think that's the only thing I'm going to consider when viewing places? That she doesn't have to pay for parking?'.

SemiRetiredLoveGoddeess · 17/05/2026 20:58

Unless they have given you money towards itl. Or have some other financial interest in it.

Just go ahead and ignore them.

Hope you will be happy in your new home.

Buffs · 17/05/2026 20:38

Crispsandcola · 16/05/2026 17:02

As a mom to two adult children, I would say that no child owes their parents anything. If they don't like your choice that's their problem - don't let them make it yours.

As a mother to two adult children I completely agree with crisps. I think your parents are being selfish.

Laurmolonlabe · 17/05/2026 20:31

The house is for you not your parents- I would bet they will still come and stay with you- if not what have you lost?

HScully · 17/05/2026 20:31

I love my rickety old house, steep stairs no downstairs loo. In fact you have to go through my bedroom to get to the bathroom.

I will stay in it until I physically cant. There maybe an option to add a downstairs loo at some point, but the lady before me stayed in until her 90s. Fingers crossed that i will be similar.

My elderly parents manage just fine when they stay. They wouldn't choose to live in it but fine for a short break

Buy the house OP and I hope you love it as much as I love mine.

Chagalaga23 · 17/05/2026 20:23

Why are you even asking your parents what they think?
You are not a child

Birdsongisangry · 17/05/2026 20:10

If you had the choice of two similar houses in your budget and one had a downstairs loo and one didn't, then your parents comments would be fair enough. But if the choosing somewhere with a downstairs loo means choosing a different area (presumably where the houses are newer) taking on a bigger mortgage, and a longer commute/further from friends, then it would be a really unequal and unrealistic compromise.