To think that "97% of women can breastfeed" is a load of crap

Your post is dripping with judgement and disbelief. You are suggesting criteria women need to fulfil to justify themselves to you. That’s why it is gaslighting.

I don’t disagree that many women say ‘can’t’ when they mean ‘don’t want to’, but it’s exactly because of attitudes like yours.

You say the problem with my baby should have been picked up earlier, but here’s the thing, the time line isn’t long with new borns. They become dehydrated very quickly. They deteriorate very quickly. It’s not necessarily the nourishment that is at issue, it is the dehydration and the salt imbalance that causes. It genuinely fries my brain to think how you can go through the steps you require to convince you (?!) of inability to provide adequate breast milk in a timely way. I’m genuinely happy that breastfeeding works out for other people. I’m happy it is supported in my area. What I would like is a more rounded view shared with parents by health visitors, hospital staff, lactation experts, that babies may not be getting sufficient hydration from breastfeeding. It was mentioned zero times to me, in fact quite the obvious, the line was it might be difficult at first but your body will give what your baby needs. Once on the paediatric ward, I get told it’s really common, there is at least one admission a week from a fairly small hospital. It’s a real possibility. Will some women go on to EB? Maybe if there’s an obvious problem, poor latch, tongue tied but in my case there wasn’t and my milk supply did not increase. I’d drunk the Kool aid though and still persisted with the ridiculous triple feeding. Personally I regret this. I’d like other women in my position to see and feel that formula is an adequate alternative and not be judged for this.

No many can’t, their MH, circumstances, babies, their bodies …. all sorts of reasons mean many can’t.

Having a pair of boobs does not instantly mean you can and should BF.

Another mother here with a dangerously ill dehydrated and malnourished baby that ended up in SCBU thanks to BF. The minute all my babies had formula they were happier, more contented and healthier, as was I.So wish I hadn’t wasted the time I did trying to do it. A few months of BF soooo wasn’t worth the pain and suffering.

Organic UPF free food throughout childhood, no screens, access to books and exercise are all things it probably is worth bellyaching over but funnily enough nobody seems to scaremonger and shame mothers into any of them.

Thank you - why do some posters think they are a better parent for deciding to breast feed? It doesn’t matter!

How is this gaslighting?

Where did I say low milk supply wasn't an issue? Low milk supply for the most part CAN be rectified.. Of course, in the instances where it can't, clearly there is a medical reason behind this! Whether it be physical or hormonal!

Your baby being dehydrated that they couldn't even cry is an absolute shocker and poor judgement and obviously formula NEEDS to be introduced in these circumstances. If the baby is so malnourished that they were close to kidney damage, you have been failed by your health visitor and midwives as this should have been picked up and addressed long before baby reached that stage.

I don't know why people are getting so upset with my comments when I'm being very clear with what im saying. It's not a personal attack on YOU specifically.

FORMULA IS GREAT FOR WOMEN WHO CANT BF
Most CAN BF (With correct education and support)
Of course some CANNOT.
Many wont admit they simply didn't WANT to when they COULD.

THATS IT!!

‘Unless someone has spoken to a lactation consultant, infant feeding specialist and doctors to rule out an actual medical condition, I do not want to hear that they can't BF.‘ @Lulu89x

wow. And so the gaslighting goes on. This statement is so high handed I don’t know where to start! I’m not sure that there ARE many diagnosed medical conditions preventing breast feeding as such? I think the lack of milk supply is a symptom and there need not be any underlying condition
to ‘rule out’.

babies end up in hospital because of the mythology that you will always produce enough. I would just like medical professionals to acknowledge that. And teach how to sterilise and prep bottles properly. I was 100% committed. Wanted to save money, give the best start, thought popping on a boob was less work than prepping a bottle. I’d been told everyone can breastfeed and provide enough. My child was so dehydrated they couldn’t cry any more, just this awful dry croak, and were close to kidney damage. Even after this debacle of hospital admission, drips into a foot, I still did the ‘triple feeding’; I just learnt that term here, on reflection I think my own term of ‘stupidity’ sums it up better. It didn’t lead to better supplies and the minute amounts my baby got would have to have the power of kryptonite to make a jot of difference. Worst decision ever. If I hadn’t been too exhausted to think logically I’d have stopped way sooner.

dont get me wrong, I think breast feeding is brilliant. So many advantages. And yes, of course many women say they ‘can’t’ when really they don’t want to, but I think the translation of this is ‘mind your own business’; who can blame them given the attitudes on here?

most people i know who breastfed for a little bit or not at all did so out of convenience, cos they wanted to get back to their ‘normal’ self and have a drink, went back to work and found pumping too hard work, didn’t find the energy for it. so yeah, if formula wouldnt be so easy i bet a lot of women would try just a little harder to bf. i couldn’t care less how others feed their babies, but i’ve had comments from women who use formula to say ‘i could never do this’ - when bf-ing 4 month old whilst eating lunch, or after telling her i still wake up at night (8 month old). yes, you could, you just choose not to

It doesn't really matter what you think though. A woman doesn't have to justify to you why/that she can't.

Being unable to physically or mentally cope with the immense toll of breastfeeding also means you can't.

Can't isn't just about the volume of milk you're producing. It's about whether you can tolerate it. It's a living nightmare for so many women.

And I don't want to hear that someone triple feeding for months is 'incredible'... it wasn't incredible. It was one of the stupidest decisions of my life frankly, and one of my greatest regrets. I wish I'd been brave and strong enough to just accept at month PP that I was one of the women unable to bf. Imo that takes far more courage than punishing yourself because of the brainwashing you're fed relentlessly about how breast milk is apparently magical instead of just food.

Anyway, I've hidden this thread now as the lactavist ideology is so incredibly triggering as someone with breastfeeding PTSD. But to anyone reading, it really does not matter to your child what you feed them in infancy as long as they are receiving sufficient cals of either breast or formula milk. Either, they will thrive. Maternal wellbeing is incredibly important, not only for you but your baby too. And YOU MATTER. You are worth more than your mammary glands. Your worth to you baby is more than whether you can make milk for them. If bf works for you, great, rock on. If formula works for you, great, rock on. If you can't bf you don't need to justify to anyone why that is, and if you choose not to then great, rock on. It makes no difference in the longterm so do what is right for you and your baby.

I've noticed a real resistance to actually acknowledging the proven benefits of bf, which are very minor and disappear by the time a child is 12m old.

It's almost like for some people it becomes such a huge identity thing, or it's so difficult and they keep going because they've been told how crucial it is. To find out your baby is no better off over a year old must be really devastating. So it's easier to keep pretending that it's magical liquid that will make your child smarter, slimmer, healthier, etc.

Unless someone has spoken to a lactation consultant, infant feeding specialist and doctors to rule out an actual medical condition, I do not want to hear that they can't BF.

You, very much like my friend, has a very low supply and is basically triple feeding her baby. She is also on domperidone and I think she is absolutely incredible as triple feeding is extremely exhausting and time consuming. You're both some of the few that have an actual medical condition causing this.

Most, simply choose not to breast feed or don't want to put in the effort required, and say they couldn't, without even trying or exhausting all avenues are the ones being criticized.

Again, it's okay if people choose to FF. Just admit it and stop framing it as they couldn't.

YANBU. One stat I read was that up to 15% of women have insufficient supply. Other stats say around 4%. Yet it's framed as impossible. Trust your body, just keep baby on the breast, pump. And apparently you'll always 'build your supply!'.

I fell for it and my newborn lost so much weight he was hospitalised as he was very close to brain damage. He was no longer even attempting to nurse as the calories expended from suckling with nothing in return were causing him to lose weight so fast. He was fading away. And I was someone that went into it determined to bf, assuming with enough hard work it would work.

In reality there are women for whom it comes easily, women who with the right support can breastfeed, and women for whom no matter the support, they will never be able to produce enough for their baby's needs.

I triple fed for nine months on Domperidone and still never produced enough milk to sustain my baby. So I don't ever want to hear again the myth that everyone can ebf with the right support. It's simply not factual, and it's concerning and quite scary to me that anyone would try push that narrative. It does nothing but harm women and babies. It's medical gaslighting.

For those lucky enough not to know triple feeding, it means eight times per day I nursed on each side, fed him a bottle of what little pumped milk I could get, topped off with formula, then pumped for an hour with a double electric pump, which was handsfree in theory but in reality meant my hands had to be used to physically 'massage' (push) the milk out. I was bruised for the first nine months of his life. When my GP could no longer give me Domperidone (side effects including Parkinsons like symptoms) my supply went from meagre to nothing in the span of a couple of days. That nine months is one of the worst decisions I have ever made, in my entire life. I could not forgive myself for starving my baby and listening to the professionals that told me to avoid formula and trust the process. I could not forgive myself and spent nine months punishing myself in self hatred because if I wasn't trying clearly it meant I wasn't giving him the best and therefore didn't deserve him.

The UK is absolutely terrible at providing support for infant feeding to new parents. There's a huge amount of coercion goes on to try and force new mothers to bf at all costs, with little regard to personal choice, what's best for that mother baby dyad, the mother's physical and mental health, and the wellbeing of the baby. Even NHS classes offer myths and misinformation up to vulnerable expecting parents.

We should be educating new parents that ebf is what's best for some people, ff is best for others, mixed feeding is best for others, that most people who want to bf will be able to with the right support and for some it isn't possible and that's through no fault of their own. That there are benefits and cons to ebf, and benefits and cons to eff. And above all the voice of the mother should be listened to. The number of women who've been openly shamed and judged and criticised and coerced by medical professionals who should know better is a national shame.

The actual evidence around bf is fascinating as it counteracts so much of what is peddled. Essentially the only proven longterm benefit is to the mother, slightly lower risk of some cancers. The only proven benefit to babies is around a lower chance of some health issues (like gastro) in the first year. Once the baby is 1yr there is no discernible difference between babies fed eff or ebf.

This is why it's so crucial people are listened to and empowered. The actual benefits are so minor, it really isn't worth killing yourself over.

Read her post properly. She said it takes guts to ADMIT that you dont want to

Many women are saying they can't, when they can, and don't want to outright admit that they just don't want to.

I respect the women who are comfortable enough with their decision to admit it.

Exactly. Slightly worrying that a feeding specialist said that to someone.

That's clearly not the case is it 😂.

It's about a third still at 6m. Not 'barely anyone'.

Are you sure you’re not thinking about initiation rates. I think this is around 97% but the significantly drops within the first 6 months

Yeah, people confuse having nipples and ducts with breasts per se. But you don't need the breast tissue, there are flat chested women who do it and might produce more milk than the H cup over the road!

Not enough breast tissue? How much is enough?
I'm an A cup and have fed 3 very fat babies 😂

Clearly most women are that confident considering barely anyone is actually breastfeeding in the UK

I wonder if it varies by demographic?

100% of the people I know who wanted to bf could and did, and it’s not a small number of people - I’d say 50+ across the people I met at baby groups through my 2 kids, friends, family and colleagues. There were a couple of people I know who didn’t manage ebf with their first (but still combi fed) but then did for their second. The people I know who ff chose not to bf.

I live and work in an affluent area of London, mostly mothers in their 30s-40s, and bf was/is just the done thing, whereas where I’m from (in NI) hardly anyone bfs - though again I think it’s predominantly choice rather than inability to do it.

The breastfeeding specialists I saw said it’s more like 60% of women physically can. A
lot of us don’t have enough breast tissue to produce enough milk due mainly to developments in food over the last 50 years - crap they inject into chickens etc - which has an effect on babies in the womb and then carries on as child is growing with what they are fed etc and modern medications and antibiotics messing up our developing bodies

I totally agree with this.

I chose to formula fed my first and was open about this. Several women said they didn't want to bf but felt they had to 'try' because of the pressure and we're either very relieved when it didn't work out or said they couldn't.

With all the pressure to breastfeed it takes a lot of guts to admit you don't want to bf, and not all women are that confident.

I’m not denying the rates could be higher but I’m sure that understates the true position. I don’t know that I was ever asked how long I bf my kids but I definitely weaned both at under 6 months (baby led - they were grabbing food and ready), so depending on how the question was asked I might not have been included in the stats, even though neither child had a drop of formula.

Only 1% of UK mums breastfeeds exclusively to 6months. One of the lowest rates in the world. Considering the benefits for mother and child it’s really a terrible shame.

This is totally premised on some random shopping assistant knowing you better than you know yourself.

It's not free unless you think your time, labour and energy don't count. Obviously that's fine for you to say about your own body but not a call you are capable of making about anyone else's. I don't want you to describe mine like that.

Same with metrics- there are loads of reasons a woman might have for not wanting to initiate a feeding method that will fall totally on her possibly for the whole period (many of us don't pump well) and at least for the initial period, limits the medication she can take, means there's no option to hand the baby over to someone else for much time and means there's other things she can't simultaneously do. Naturally, there's no reason why any such woman would feel the need to make you aware of them.

I am accepting it.

I just find it a surprising choice.

When someone says, "I tried, I hated it, I switched to formula," that makes perfect sense to me.

For all @Parker231 knows, she could have had a dream BF journey with no issues whatsoever.

It's like if someone walked into a shop and the assistant said, "This option is free and better for you on every measurable metric," and the customer said, "No, please take me to the expensive and option which is almost but not quite as good as the first one," the assistant would accept the choice, but they'd be surprised.