AIBU to pretend to be asleep when my husband gets home late?

Maybe it was a work thing?

That would be the main reason either of us would have a black tie do mid week. Black tie isn't a big feature of our lives any more tbh 😀

Spare room is generous. I put mine in a hotel.

No it’s not a slippery slope. A fulfilling and loving marriage is not dependent on couples sharing a bed.

For various reasons some couples need to sleep separately in order to survive.

Nothing bad will happen immediately obviously, it's just a slippery slope isn't it. If you just can't stand a dp getting into bed after a night out and theyre banished to the spare room, next step is it's a permanent arrangement. Then people are on relationships board scratching their heads wondering why their relationship is deteriorating.

do you hate your husband? Sounds like it

Nothing bad will happen to a grown man sleeping in the spare room.

Not all black tie dos - especially that are related to work - permit spouses.

I couldn't think of anything worse than going to a work related 'black tie' do of DH's! 😖

This is the correct response!

You really think someone cleaning their teeth is going to get rid of the smell of alcohol? 😂

I just don't understand the problem with his using the spare room. You're at different points in your evening. It's good manners, and logical.

Surely he'd clean his teeth? I'm staggered by the amount of people who'd kick their dps into the spare room. You make him sound like a dog with 'toilet wake ups' .

Can’t you just tell them to STFU and you’ll speak in the morning?

Also team spare room - or couch. I don’t like being woken (even if I’m only dozing) and I don’t like the smell of alcohol laying next to me, snoring, or toilet wake ups in the night.

I’m team spare room.

100% YANBU.

My DH does nights some weeks - 10.00pm to 7.00am, and he gets in at around 7.30am to 7.45am. He usually goes to bed 30 minutes after getting in. (We sleep in separate bedrooms and have done for the past 15 years since our early 40s because of his snoring.) So most times I wait for him to go to bed, and get up about 10 to 15 minutes after.

Unless I have to be up early, I wait til he has gone to bed before getting up, because when he gets in from work, he's really wired, and hyper, and won't stop talking, and following me from room to room, telling me all about his night at work.. If I've only just got up and not even had my shower and my first coffee, I can't be arsed to listen to him going on about his night at work, and buzzing around me like a wasp.

I would much rather just sit and have my coffee and breakfast alone, with the TV, or mooching through Mumsnet. I work part time, mostly from home, and my hours are flexible, so I have the luxury - fortunately - of being able to lie in til 8.30am if I wish. By then, he's gone to bed!

If he is at home, that's fine, because I usually get up before him, or around the same time. So he is just as dopey as me, until he's woken up properly! I just can't be doing with him when he's got in from work, especially as with you @PartyQuestion30th he will spend 20 minutes regaling me with what's been happening at work, only to tell it all to me again, 8 hours later - about half an hour after he gets up in the late afternoon.

.

I couldn't imagine my dh going to a black tie do without me. Couldn't you get a babysitter?

Deffo do this. My DH works shifts and he always messages to say when he's on his way home, which is plenty of time for me to takr myself to bed when he's on lates🤣🤣 I love him dearly but I absolutely do not want to hear all about his day at work at gone midnight 🤣

I do what your friend does- especially since some weeks my DH has to go for work dinners till late and/or play a sport sometimes until really late. I have no desire to listen to him being hyper when half asleep. And I don’t think it’s going too far as I deserve sleep too.

My partner would want more than a chat, so yes I think it’s OK to pretend to be asleep….

We do spare room if after midnight, I just want to be able to relax and fall asleep when I want, without wondering when someone's going to wander in and "quietly" get ready for bed. It's easier than pretending to be asleep. Dh works in a job with lots of dinners/evening events and late night flights and it also means he can get himself undressed and ready for bed with the lights on and not worry about waking me.
Rather than pretending to be asleep just agree with him advance that you don't wanna hear about it when he gets in because you'll be tired, he'll be drunk and you would prefer to catch up properly in the morning. If he starts talking just say "tell me in the morning, I'm going to sleep".

YANBU - I bet he knows you are faking it though !

I do this all the time, although i do actually try to get to sleep before he comes in. If he's asleep before me, i have to go on the sofa, I literally cannot bare the loud after alcohol snoring.

Agree with your friend. I wouldn't want to be disturbed at all.

Completely true!

I've done this and I'm 100% sure DH has done it to me.