AIBU to think my stepdaughter is testing household rules at night?

Time for the abusive OP to remove themselves from the prison/home.

Bye bye OP!

I can’t imagine telling my 14 year old she couldn’t have a cup of tea or a hot bath at 9pm.

Those are rules for the sake of rules.

Don’t eat the pack up food. Good rule.
Being out curfew. Good rule.

Some weird cut off for hot drinks is just pure dictatorship.

Is she allowed a hot water bottle at 9pm for period cramps and some ibuprofen or is that also cut off at a strict time? Oh sorry you came on at 10pm unexpectedly no drink and wash for you wait till the morning 😩 rules are rules!!!

If you have such standards where you describe others as feral, at least learn to spell it before you climb up on that high horse of yours

Please educate yourself Feel2old in this subject and others - the word you wanted to use isn't 'Ferrell'...it's 'feral'.

Your 'parenting' is likely to cause a damaged personality, at the least an unsure/angry/resentful/rebellious person not a feral child.

Why is there a rule for no hot drinks after 8:30? I don’t understand why this would even be put in place

And what kind of things is she saying/doing that triggers debate or arguments with your wife?

Rules should definitely be set. But come on your stepdaughter is 14. Is it really necessary to tell her she can't have a bath after 9pm? Is it fair to say they can't have hot drinks past 8.30pm?I bet you have a cuppa past 8.30pm. I can tell you now my kids at home ages 16, 12 and 10 have rules. The younger two go to bed at 9pm. The 16year old has baths whenever he wants and can have a cuppa past 8.30 if he wants. My kids aren't feral. They know rules and boundaries and they know not to take the piss.

Who says the poster is a man? For all we know this poster could be female and have a civil partnership marriage with a woman

You are very controlling. But I doubt you'll change your ways to adapt now the children are teenagers. I would have hated to live in a house like this with a stepdad as controlling, rigid and regimented.

Rules and boundaries are fine.

Trying to apply ridiculous rules designed for your convenience rather than any sensible reason will fail - she's not 'getting at you' she's just struggling to fit into rules that make no bloody sense.

Change those rules according to age . At 14 they agouro be able to ilude the bathroom and have a snack .
you are imposing to much , they will fail as their needs change as they grow . My 10 year old goes to bed at 10 but if she often takes longer to fall asleep .

What is wrong with you? It's all so controlling and sounds like coercive abuse to me. No wonder your step daughter is challenging you and wondering why her mother is allowing a bully to dictate lives.
If I was her I would move out at the first chance I got. You are showing her a poor example of male behaviour as well as a very bad role model as a 'father'. She is rebelling [any sane person would] but she has more awareness and common sense than you have. Your poor wife.

Do you really want your children to hate you, because they will.

As a now adult with parents who insisted on this type of ‘shit’ /level of control, this will end sadly for you.
i haven’t spoken with my mother for 12 years and my father died alone after estrangement.
your responsibility is to raise free thinking, confident, empathetic, generous and kind members of this world. You’re setting them up to question themselves at every corner and filling them with self doubt. Can I/should I do this? There’s no instructions /rules … what do I do?
stop it. Lay off the strict bedroom/eating/drinking rules.
This is their home too. It should be a welcoming safe place.
If you want space, then go find it, stop banishing them out of your way.
i wonder how your wife truely feels about this set up

Why do you think people should not have a hot drink after 8.30? Or have a bath? Its a perfectly normal thing to do. You need to look into why does it bother you.

This is crazy. I’m afraid it’s you causing the problems

At 14 I had no bed time fir my dc as long as they were quiet and didn't disturb those who wanted to sleep. Your rules seems quite odd fashioned OP , so expect the kick back.

Did you have such rule as a child? Where do they come from? Its ridiculous to send children away at 8.30 and not allow them to come downstairs.

You are a man so you have an innate desire for control and being obeyed . Try to let go of that, it doesn't work in this day and age. I don't think those rules should apply to her because shes old enough notto take care of herself to an extent.

And I thought my mum was mean at 14 having to be home at 9 and from 15 had to be home by 10. 😂😂😂No restrictions on when I could get a drink or snack or have a bath or shower. As long as I went up when she did what’s the issue?

I agree with your wife here.expecting a teenager to have nothing to drink and sit in her room from 8.30 every night is ridiculous. Your stepdaughter is 14 not fucking 4. Do you really expect a 14year old girl to be told she can't have a bath after 9pm? What if her period comes in the middle of the night and she wants a wash are you gonna tell her "sorry it's after 9pm now you can stay covered in your period blood til the morning" na fuck off you're being a dickhead to her. Your wife needs to put her foot down here and tell you straight that your rules for these teenagers is nothing short of ridiculous, they're soon gonna up and leave home and go no contact with this narcissistic behaviour going on

Yes, I think Stalin the OP will be wondering in a decade why all the children fucked off as soon as they could and never visit.

You seem to believe it’s your house, you're the one who makes the rules, and your wife and children are only there on your sufferance, and only as long as they all follow your rules.

It's supposed to be their home too. But I expect the children will all leave "home" as soon as they can.

Did you have a difficult childhood yourself, OP? I’m wondering what has made you into this irrational, dictatorial person who feels the need to control everyone else.

That's like living in a bloody dictatorship. I can't imagine telling my guys they dare not go downstairs after 8.30pm, make a hot drink or have a bath. Such a bizarre controlling behaviour. Soon enough they will want to escape from this suffocating tyranny.
You want them out of your way for your own convenience.

If I knew who you were, I'd report you to social care and the police. Just in case this is real.

Well aren't you the controlling fucker! What you describe is bordering on coercive control and abuse. You argue with your wife when your step daughter comes downstairs? Is that because she doesn't mind and tells you so. Not only are you controlling of your kids but of your wife too. You need to take a good look at yourself.

Your rules are draconian and ridiculous. If you must have rules like this when they are little, when they move to secondary school is probably the time to relax them. Expecting everyone to be upstairs by 8.30 and in their own rooms by 9.30 (and your 14 yo not being allowed to bath/shower at 9pm) is bonkers.

I never expected my DS to stay upstairs by a certain time once he got to secondary. Prior to that he was allowed up a bit later on weekends. We aimed for 9pm on school nights and lights out by 10pm but if he wanted food and drink he was allowed and the older he got the harder this was as teenagers body clocks go a bit haywire so they struggle to get to sleep/get up.

By the time he was 14, I had measures in place so the internet went off at midnight. Often he was up later than me.

My now 19 yo is a lovely young adult (currently at uni and doing well). He has never been ferel! I have always found him good company and didn't want him out of the way which is what you seem to want. This is your kids home too.