Trying for the last baby but perfect job has come up

I understand why you want to put a deadline on a third baby. We tried for a third for about a year and had an early miscarriage but when we came back from holiday when DD2 was nearly four we closed the chapter. We went on holiday with no buggies or baby bags in tow, we could sit at the restaurant without any tantrums or having to be rigid about bedtimes. It was bliss. I would have loved a third child and part of me always will but I did not have the mental or physical bandwidth to go back to the baby/toddler years.

Personally I would go for the job, it would make a huge difference to your quality of life not being stuck at that commute. If a baby does come, excellent and I presume you are both on decent salaries so financially you could make it work even if it is frugal living for a period. However, based on your post it does sound like to some extent you have made some peace if you dont have a third.

Happened to me. Went for the job. Very pleased in hindsight that I did because I don’t think another would have come up that offered quite the same level of flexibility, pay, support and stability that the job, that I stayed in for 15 years, did.

Yes I could have added another baby into the mix but juggling two was enough.

Women can’t have it all. Hold off on trying to conceive or put off the new role. Burning the candle at both ends will reduce your quality of life and the children’s quality of life, resulting in a very stressed out household.

If you only want a 3rd if it happens within a specific time frame then honestly I’d just forget it and move on with your life

the problem is you wedded to self imposed timelines.

I’d pause TTC and go for the job.

the issue letting you down here is your self imposed time limit for having a baby. You aren’t 45. You can wait a year.

I get that having all kids at primary is convenient and you don’t want huge age gaps. But that’s life! Lots of families have kids with bigger age gaps because of loss/ miscarriages etc/ health problems.

Living 7 minutes from work makes a huge difference to your lifestyle and more than makes up for having a child a year younger than originally planned.

Go for both and take shorter mat leave. I had DC years ago, before long mat leave was a thing and returned to work at 3 months for one and 6 months for the other...they were/are both fine.

100% go for the interview. It’s a no-brainier. If you get it and get pregnant, deal with that when it happens.

We idly considered a third but with late teens now we find ourselves frequently saying thank god we stopped at 2. Friends with 3 have definitely run out of steam.

Due to the economy they need way more financial input than we did. Plus doing all the stages 3 times over! Dear god no. And ours are lovely and easy but still intense. I guess those with three are the ones that absolutely love parenting. Think of yourself the other end by 50 you hit peri lose interest in nurturing and want to start doing your own thing. The ones with 3 are then stuck doing a third exam season….

Apply for the job and continue to ttc.
There's nothing working with becoming pregnant early on in a new job. Also, you may not get the job or it could take months to conceive.
Do both and go with the flow. Good luck!

I was in this position. I went ahead with both. Then when I got offered the job I was sent my new employer’s policies as part of the onboarding process - turns out their enhanced mat pay applies as long as you fall pregnant after beginning employment (worded as “applicable for anyone who has been employed for 41 weeks at the time of the baby’s due date”).

So I’d go for it, see if you get it, then see their mat pay provision and decide whether it’s something you can make work. Even if it was stat, I’d be tempted to make it work if you can (if say you have savings to live off for a few months - bear in mind you’ll be saving a chunk on commuting costs which will help).

I know a lot of people will say children are more important than work, but I don’t agree. They are important in different ways. Your job is a large part of your life, I think it would be sad to wonder “what if” about your career - and it sounds like this much shorter commute would benefit the whole family whether or have 2 children or 3.

Good luck with the interview, and with baby number 3!

Also agree with PPs that if mat pay is a big factor would question affordability of DC3.

There will be strong competition for the job.

focusing on this stuff could distract you anr reduce your chances. Put all your energy into doing your best to get the job. Don’t stop ttc in the meantime.

I wanted three DC but didn’t for fertility reasons, from the start and throughout DCs’ childhood I have it difficult to work full time with two DC, with the teen years the hardest in that regard.

I struggle with this too. And the affect on the family might be overwhelming

I can’t get my head round people heading into the lovely primary school years then going back to the beginning with a third. Why?!?

You know you don't have to stay home for a year, right? I went back to.work at 4 months and 6 months with my sons. Breastfed and pumped, it was hard but career and finances intact.

Since you haven’t got the new job yet I’d carry on with trying to do both. If you get the new job and enjoy it then perhaps reconsider the new baby at that stage.

Realistically, you’d probably manage ok on SMP if you really had to. If it pushed family income too low there would be UC as back up. Money is money but children are family at the end of the day and be with you for life. If you both really want another then you’d make it work.

Another thought is, what would you do if either one or both of your current employers decided you now have to be in the office 4 or 5 days a week? This is happening more and more so having a local job is invaluable.

Definitely keep going with both.

My mentor at work told me that every time I’m wondering if I should do something because of the kids/pregnancy/caring responsibilities etc I should ask myself “would a man do this?” Or “would a man worry about this?” Great advice.

I’d pause TTC until you know the outcome of the job. The market is difficult and hugely competitive right now so unless you think it’s so niche you’re the only one qualified in the area to get it, there’s every chance you’ll be rejected. Pausing TTC for a couple of months won’t do any harm. The arbitrary “end of the summer” is a bit silly, the age gap between DC is totally fine and normal.

I should also add that you should also think of the other challenges a third could bring which people often do not think about (to be fair when adding any number of children). You do not know thay your third will be absent additional needs. You do not know that they will get on with the other two. I've seen people go for an extra child and it throw their family balance completely just as much as I've seen it succeed hugely. What I'm saying is people often focus on the fantasy idea and not the potential reality. I know people who have had another child and they have needed to care for them full time and then the whole job goes out of the window not just the local versus commute. I know people who have just realised after having more than they cannot cope with the additional pressure. You don't know until you have another that is the issue. So while it could be amazing, just make sure you're also factoring into your decision making the potential that a third could add a stressor to your current dynamic too

For me, this is it. I would have to think about my current kids. Having a third child definitely isnt for them. They already have a sibling. A third child will also mean less finances to split between them all even if you are well financed, just as a matter of logic. And luck can always change on the job and finance front. In terms of their quality of life, you having a local job would obviously improve it (and your own quality of life to be fair).

I would have to make the decision based on my existing kids.

I also think you have such a tight window for conception anyway, on your own rules, that there is a realistic prospect that it will not happen and then you could've missed out on this chance to improve all of your lives. I appreciate I say this as someone who went through IVF and still find it wild that people can plan children in a tight lifestyle fitting window. For me, if you really did so desperately want a third you'd just keep going for longer irrespective of the age gap which is what then tells me that you actually could live without having a third/it wouldn't be devastating (though would of course be upsetting) such that its worth going for the job. It isnt the same as choosing a job over having a child at all. If you still desperately wanted a third, you could still try after and just accept the age gap would be a bit bigger if it happened.

So in your shoes I would stop TTC and concentrate on securing the job. If I didnt get it, Id pick back up TTC for a limited period but with a slightly later deadline. If I did get it, I would reassess just how desperately I really wanted a third and if I desperately did, plan it in for a bit later (if it happened as you cannot really plan children for tight timelines because it is luck).

There is also another route depending on how desperately you want both. You could carry on with both processes anyway and take the view that if both succeed then you will tighten your belts to save hard before your leave and perhaps also go back to work earlier/increase your work above an 80% of full time pattern given you would then be closer to home so probably viable. Absolute worst case I would remortgage to free up some money. People do it to remodel their home so why not to fund a much wanted baby and lifestyle change with the new job? It is an investment too.

Ultimately it boils down to how much you want a third over improving what you already have. For me, we had IVF and then a natural conception. I would've wanted 4 ideally and we strictly speaking have the finances to, but after having 2 and fulfilling my wish for them to have siblings I did think it would be better for them to have more of my time 1:1 and more finances for clubs and uni help and all of that so actually didnt continue on. I also felt it would be better for my career (which in turn helps them) to not continue on because even though I took shorter maternities it would take a while to recover in my industry from 4 maternity leaves plus I'd be knackered.

There's the answer. Work life balance.

The best advice I didn’t take (and regret in hindsight) is never take a career decision over a hypothetical child.

One step at a time, see how the interview goes first. Good luck!